Your own disaster

Current mood: A bit tired but content
Listening to: Taking Back Sunday - Falling For You

Hello hello, I'm back (: Again a lot of things has happened. But the most important news are that I'm moving out and away from my mom and stepdad + that I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Inge and she's absolutely amazing. But I guess I'm supposed to say that, huh? Haha. But seriously - she is ! I'd put in a picture of her if I wasn't afraid that she'd murder me because of it. Hehe. A bit shy, eh? What I will do though is tell you that she's a completely different type than I usually go for. She's a tomboy! Haha. Who would've thought that this tomboy would find herself one of her own? Definitely not me! But now I wouldn't want it any other way. She's just so fantastic. Everything's so uncomplicated with her. I know where she stands, what she feels and thinks. That girl has all the qualities I've been searching for ! xD heehee.
Anyway, as I was saying - I'm moving out, and I couldn't be happier about it! My mom's threats of hitting me has really made me realize what I need and want for my life, and sorry mom, but you're just not a part of it! It just feels so liberating to finally realize what a weak, insecure and pathetic mess she is. Finally I will be able to move on. Adios!

As I wrote in my last post I'll be changing the design of this blog, so that'll be something to look forward to (:

Other than that I really miss Mikey. I hate that we're drifted apart ): I must and will work for us to get back on track. And to hell with the timezones! I look so much forward to visit her and I think about it a lot. She's such a wonderful girl.
Also I miss having more contact with Leah and Renee. I would really love to see them again next year on Roskilde! They were so much fun to party with : D

Well, I have to go again now. I'm going to Haderslev today to party and will be sleeping at Mette's. Mia's gonna pick me up in a few hours and then we're gonna drive down there - looking forward to see Mia behind the wheel xD

Panic!

Current mood: Wired and a bit worn out
Listening to: Panic! At The Disco - I Constantly Thank God For Esteban

*yawn* Well hello there! Very long time and absolutely no see! I can't even begin to tell what's happened since last time. But I'll give a short resume:
- My mom took my stepdad back again, when he promised he would stop drinking.
- My stepdad's drinking again and my mom's fine with that.
- Ann and I aren't together anymore. She cheated on me among other things.

That's about the major things. But I'm good. Now that is, anyway. I've had a hard time over the past few months, but I'm finally back on my feet again. Right now I'm working on my 2nd years assignment. It's going to be turned in the 1st of december and must be about 6 pages long. I'm terribly behind schedule, but I know I'll make it.
Anyway, I'm thinking about changing the whole appearance of my blog. But it's gotta wait a bit for now. Right now I must be moving on. For now I'll leave you with my last.fm chart:



Heehee.

Out of Range

Current mood: Happy
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Out Of Habit

Just the thought,
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
and I try to
draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me

most of the time

So yeah, I'm happy (: I can see the path that I have to follow, and I'm fine with that. As long as I can see my way out of things, then I'm pleased. But when the lights get turned of and I don't know how to got things done, I get sad. I've noticed that. But right now I'm just thinking of school and homework - the like.
Anyway, yesterday was supposed to be a bit boring day, were I'd do pretty much nothing. But then Camilla from my class textet me, and asked if she could spend the night here, and I said sure, 'cause .. yeah, well, of course! (x hehe. So she came by and we sat down and talked over a couple of beers. Then after one and a half hour we went out to buy her some cigarettes at the gas station, since it was the only place that was still open. Which reminds me of that the beer we drank made me recall shining times at the castle. It was like the taste took be all back. Well, nonetheless, Camilla bought some cigarettes and I bought a carton of white whine. When we got back we just continued to drink beer, so I'll have the wine for another time.
So instead of a boring evening, I got to talk a lot with Camilla while we heard lots of music. I introduced her to Bullet For My Valentine, My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, which was running on my playlist when she arrived. She laughed a bit at first, but agreed that it didn't suck too terribly. Hehe.

I opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
tightened the belt around my hips
where your hands were missing
and stepped out into the cold
collar high
under the slate gray sky
the air was smoking and the streets were dry
... why do I feel like something's been rearranged?
you know, out of context I must seem so strange

It really surprised me how much I missed Mette last night. Of course I was a bit drunk, but still. I missed her. And I wantd her to come to Kolding. *yawn* But fortunately I had the opportunity to text her and we wrote a little, which was very nice. There's gotta be a party soon again where we can get together. She's great.

I'm singing now because my tearducts are too tired

and my mind is disconnected but my heart is wired

Other than that, I've thought about starting a new webpage, where I'd then blog instead, 'cause I think it would be a cool challenge for me to try, and I've to admit that I'm kinda hooked on the idea right now, but the thing that's stopping me is the thought, that I'll probably be too busy soon to maintain it properly. And that's kinda no good in a way. Like, I do it all the time when signing up to new communities on the Internet, but I think that with a site, I'd have to be comitted, since I would want it to be serious. Hmm. Dilemma. Haha. But I'll probably do it anyway.

you know, when you and I are lying in bed
you don't seem so tall
oh, how I miss
substituting the conclusion of a confrontation with a kiss

Oh, and I'm looking so much forward to the weather getting warmer and the sun shining more ^^ It's already pretty good, but the thought of it being kinda constant is so intriguing!! Heehee.
And furthermore I'm beginning to dress better. In the sense of, that I'm less careless about my appearance. And I guess that's pretty good, as long as I don't go overboard. But people have noticed!! ^^ Hee. I've gotten compliments at school, which makes me very happy. *teehee* God, I must sound like a silly little school girl now, so I'll end it now dx

Maybe I'll post again later - and maybe I won't (;

Current mood: *happy happy*
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Shameless

Good riddance

Current mood: Happy
Listening to: Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Well, oh-well. Long time, no see.
Let's see .. I'm happy to be alive. I'm pleased with my life. I don't agree with the world's condition most of the time, but I don't really think I wanna go in to that right now. Anyway, my german teacher is back! So I don't have to be taught by that fuckedup temp, Gert, anymore. Arg. I hate him. I have never ever had my self-esteem lowered that much. But this is also negative, and I really don't feel negative right now, so I think I'll let it drop for now. But my point in the beginning, was that Lise is back, and I could've easily cried, if I wasn't to shy to do that in front of my classmates in a situation like that. But oh, how happy it made me to see her again! I hope she never leaves again. And I hope I never have to see Gert again. Stupid green idiot.

So, what's up you might think? I wouldn't know where to begin, but good things are up (:
I've met this american girl, named Mikey. She's just great. Wonderful, I might add. But the thing about her being american, is that she's 7 hours behind me. Haha. So that's just great. Oh, have I ever stayed up late to talk to her! But it's a while since last though. During Easter Break I didn't talk to her at all, except one time on cam, for about 20 min., which is very little, keeping in mind that we're able to talk for hours and hours, easily. Hehe. But I did have a splindid break though. Ann was here and it was absolutely amazing! We even coloured my hair and if blogger wasn't being such a jerk, you'd be able to see the new pic I've uploaded. Phish. But if it doesn't update, I'll just put a pic in this post ^^ Heehee.

Anyway, good news! Ann and I have almost been together for two years! *yay* That's a long time, huh? I'm so happy (: *kissies*

But oh well, for now I'm just sitting here, waiting for Mikey. She'll be on in about an hours or so, I guess. *yawn* at least I hope so! Hehe.
Oh, and I'm going to visit Ann on friday!! And I won't be returning home before wednesday! xD wee. Skipping school for us. Hehe. I'm soo bad dx
Arg, and also! My piercing is stupid. The jewellery is too big for the hole, so I guess I better buy a smaller one or get a new hole. phish.

Well, I think this'll be it for now. Oh no! Wait! I'm going to the Depeche Mode concert in Horsens, btw!! Wee. I'm looking so much forward to it! And also! Roskilde Festival!! I'm so excited about seeing Arctic Monkeys, Bullet For My Valentine, Deftones, Guns N' Roses, HIM, HateSphere, Opeth, Tool, Rufus Wainwright and Kanye West! Also I will most likely be checking out Kaizers Orchestra, Death Cab For Cutie, Bob Dylan, Franz Ferdinand, Kaizer Chiefs, L.O.C., Magtens Korridorer, Placebo, Seeed, Spleen United, The Streets, The Strokes, Trivium, Volbeat, Roger Waters (performing The Dark Side Of The Moon) and Wir Sind Helden. And at last I'll take a listen to My Midnight Creeps, Sigur Rós, Glodfrapp and Purified In blood if I get the chance (: hee. So, yeah. That's about it!

See you soon (hopefully)

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

Current mood: Sleepy
Listening to: My computer ventilating.

ANGER

Current mood: Furious.
Listening to: Otep - My Confession.

I cannot take this perception of happiness anymore. I'm sick and disgusted of his pandemonium. We should not have to suffer under his volatile behaviour. I'm fed up with all his cannibalizing of our happiness. I don't know what the fuck he think he's doing. Deceiving himself, by believing he's making me sad - you're only empowering my loathing, you fucking sadistic abusive parasite. Nothing but an illiterate equation of dismay. Hypocritic king of lies and broken promises.

Do I need a gas mask?
Should I get inoculated?
Will this war last?
Will we be incincerated?
False god(s)
Death squad(s)
Blind

This storm of thorns is growing
There's no end in sight

He has showed one to many times, that there only is one way out of this. When will the anesthetics wear thin, and the associations stop blurring? Wake up and face the fucking truth! This is the last resort!

and I'm insecure .. I need aggression.

Current mood: Enraged.
Listening to: Otep - Warhead.

Fanlistings

The Aftermath

Current mood: Exhausted, but content.
Listening to: Kittie - Looks So Pretty.

Today my computer got picked up. That's nice, although I was so stupid that I forgot my The Sims Nightlife cd in it. Doh! But I just wrote an e-mail to the guy at Leasy who helped me with the case, and asked him to contact the firm that's fixing it, so I'm certain to get it back. So right now I'm borrowing Jørn's laptop. The keyboard's a bit different from mine, but I'm doing quite well. As long as I remember to have it ready for him to use tomorrow, so he can take it with him to work.
*Purr*

Oh, and today's my birthday! S o many people remembered it ^^ I really wasn't expecting that, 'cause I'm not the type to talk about it, so I figured that not many would notice. But they did! Heehee. I got so many messages with people congratulating me, even from Mette C., who's in Sweden! So nice of her ^^ Teehee.
Well, so here's how it went:
My mom came in at six in the morning, waked me up, and said I should come out and have breakfast with her and Jørn. It was really nice. Hot chocolate with whipcream and chocolate buns! And it was all dark outside, so we only had candlelights lit. It was so nice. Thereafter I went back to bed, and they went to work. Then I woke up at ten, because I had set the alarm in my mobile. I then put on some clothes, packed my laptop together, so that it would be ready, and then I went to bed again. I knew that they would come to pick up the laptop between ten and one, so I had my door to the hallway opened, so I would be able to hear them ringing the doorbell. I then woke up again at eleven, due to the doorbell. I got up, opened the door, handed over the laptop, signed the paper, thanked the guy and said goodbye. Then I hurried into bath, after which I found my white shirt, a white tee that said I don't do boyfriends, and a pare of blue jeans. I then dryed my hair, decided I wasn't pleased with the outfit, ditched the tee and found a gren sweater instead which I wore on top of the shirt. Looked pretty fancy, with the shirt collar stickin' up t my neck. Then my sister, Helle, and my two nieces, Marissa and Cille, came over and started singing birthday songs. I then showed them my new room, and they gave me presents. I first got a cool birthday card from Cille, where a cat was singing the James Brown song, I Feel Good. After that they gave me a gift token to Build A Bear! That made be quite hapy, since I've thought about getting one. So then we drove out to the mall, and went into Madame Mokka. Marissa had nachos, Cille had chocolate pie with icecream, Helle had a sandwich and I had a muffin. They then bought milkshakes and I bought a hot chocolate-thingy with strawberry marshmallows. It all tasted splendid! After being there for a few hours, we went into Build A Bear, and I made my very own kitten, Sam. He has orange stripes, and his product name is Floppy Kitty. Here's a pic of his kind:



He's just so wonderful ^^ I bought him some wizard clothing and also a wand. Then I also bought a shirt with a black west with white stripes on + a black tie. And then atlast I bought him a pair of red boxers with maroon hearts on, and also a little black hat.
I'm sure I'm gonna spend a lot of money in there in the furture.

There's so much more to tell, but I just don't have the energy right now. Perhaps later (;

Current mood: Content.
Listening to: Staind - Falling.

Kittie!

Current mood: Glad, but suspicious.
Listening to: Kittie - Charlotte.

Montgomery! Haha. No, just kiddin'. Although her name is spelled with y. Anyway, I just heard Kittie for the first time today, and wau, are they amazing! At first I just hurried to their website, entered disco, and started hearing their music. I then minimized the window, and did other stop meanwhile. When the song then finished, I opened the window again, and went on to the next song. I then realized that it was a video! So I started watching, and then I almost dropped my jaw. It was girls! I hadn't even realized it, because of the growling! Of course I know about Otep, and I listen to them frequently, but this is just completely different, since it's an all girl band! I just can't stop listening to them now. They've captivated me.

Go to their website and take a listen!

Anyway, thought I'd list a few of my favourite quotes, or .. a lot!
Well, here they are:

"They say that lesbians hate men. Why should a lesbian hate a man? They don't have to fuck them!"
- Roseanne.

"I can't help lookinh gay. I put on a dress and people say, 'Who's the dyke in the dress?' "
- Karen Ripley.

"If a male homosexual are called 'gay', then female homosexuals should be called 'ecstatic'."
- Roberts' Rules on Lesbian Living by Shelly Roberts.

"Men often say, 'Women! Who could ever understand them?' Dont ask a lesbian for the answer. All you'll get is a sympathetic nod."
- Joanne Brigden.

"My mom blames California for me being a lesbian. 'Everything was fine until you moved out there.' 'That's right, mom, we have mandatory lesbanism in West Hollywood. The Gay Patrol busted me, and I was given seven business days to add a significant amount of flannel to my wardrobe.' "
- Coley Sohn.

"If homosexuality is a disease, then lets all call in queer to work. 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.' "
- Robin Tyler.

"Introductions are tricky in a lesbian relationship. It's a word game. To my friends she's my lover, to strangers and family members in de nial she's my roommate, to Jehovah's Witnesses at the door she's my lesbian sex slave, and to my mother she's Jewish and that's all that matters."
- Denise McCanles.

"A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination the doctor says, 'Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?' The woman responds, 'I have a woman in twice a week' "

"My partner and I joined a support group for monogamous lesbian - it was great until she meet someone there."
- Margo Gomez.

"When my mother found out I was gay she sent me to Juvenile Hall. That's smart. Sending me to live with five hundred girls who can't get out!"
- Kat Howard.

"I don't think of them as lesbian supervisors, I think of them as county supervisors who happen to be lesbians. A lesbian supervisor would have a very different job: 'Hey you, cut those nails before you hurt somebody!' "
- Marga Gomez (on lesbians in local goverment).

"that word lesbian sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure."
- Denise McCanles.

"Some women can't say the word lesbian .. even when their mouth is full of one!"
- Kate Clinton.

"Women who love women are lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define lesbian as sex between women."
- Rita Mae Brown.

"Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."
- Bob Paris.

"One destressing thing is the way men react to women who assert their equality: their ultimate weapon is to call them unfeminine. They think she is anti-male; they even whisper that she's probably a lesbian."

"Are you a lesbian?" - a heckler. "Are you my alternative?"
- Florynce Kennedy.

"My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it."
- Amanda Bearse.

"He looked me right in the face and said, 'You flippin bulldyke!' And I thought to myself, ''Oooh, what a smart man! Why, I'll bet he took one look at me and knew I was white, too' "
- Lea DeLaria.

"We do not recruit. We can only impress."
- Marga Gomez.

"One wedding cake designer I called said, 'We specialize in elaborate beautiful white flowers all over the cake' So i said, 'I should tell, this is for two men.' There was a slight pause and she said, 'I can put little baseball players all over it?' "
- Mark Harris.

"Did you read Holly Near's Book? Let me save you the trouble. This is the most exviting sentence in the book: 'I feel like a lesbian when I'm making love to a woman.' Good, Holly! Well, the major difference between me and Holly Near is that I feel like a lesbian when I am BREATHING!"
- Lea DeLaria.

"I love Christians who tell me somethung sweet and Christian, like, 'You're going to hell' It's not hard for me to picture gay hell: The scorching wind from the fiery pit messed up my hair, there's no mousse? No blow-dryer? This is hell" There's nothing on TV but Hee Haw. My furniture is from Levitz! O'm living in a trailer park" Aaaargh!"
- Danny McWilliams.

"I came out to my family on Thanksgiving. I said, mom, please pass the gravy to a homosexual. She passed it to my father. A terrible scene ensued."
- Bob Smith.

"'How did you first know you were gay? What did you feel?' Apparently another girl."
- Suzanne Westenhoefer.

"My mother said to me, 'Why do you have to call yourself a dyke? Why can't you be a nice lesbian?' 'Because I'm not a nice lesbian, I'm a big dyke!' "
- Lea DeLaria.

"I came out to my sister, and she said, 'Oh my godm you're gay" Are you seeing a psuchologist?' I answered, 'No, I'm seeing a schoolteacher.' "
- Bob Smith.

"I didn't choose to be gay; I was chosen! Are you serious? I get to be queer? Oh, thank you. I didn't even fill out the application, I am s o thrilled. No, I did. I bought the ticket, I scratched it off .. Look, I'm a lesbian! I won!"
- Suzanne Westenhoefer.

"What do you mean, you don't believe in homosexuality? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary."
- Lea DeLaria.

"I was raised Roman Catholic, and according to the Catholic Church it's okay to be a homosexual, as long as you don't practice homosexuality. Which is interesting, because I think it's okay to be Catholic, so long as you don't practice Catholism."
- Bob Smith.

"Oh please, you are not bisexual. I went to a bar mitzah once, that doesn't make me Jewish."
- Lucia in The Opposite of Sex, played by Lisa Kudrow.

Jack: "For your information, most peple who meet me do not know that I am gay."
Will: "Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay."
Jack: "Grace, when you first met me, did you know I was gay?"
Grace: "My dog knew."

Jovi: "You're fired, sacked, canned, you're getting the boot, your show is cancelled."
Cyanne: "You can't fire me, you're not my boss, dyke!"
Jovi: "My friend is, and you can't use people like you use drugs. Now go get helo and shake all those demons out of your head. When you're better, then I'm willing to meet you half way, but until then get out. And dykes are for the Dutch, I'm a lessssssbian, get it straight. (to Marissa) Can I have a double Espresso?"
- From Metropia, played by Zainab Musa and Kristin Fairlie.

Caine: "Girls seem to hang all over you .. why don't you have a girlfriend yet?"
Holden: "Because I have a boyfriend, Caine .."
Caine: "But you can't let your friends hold you back from happiness .."
Holden: "Goddamnit, I'm gay, you baka!!"
Caine and Holden in Arcana.

Much more to come, but now I really h a v e to go to sleep!

Oh, and by the way .. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Current mood: Wornout.
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Out Of Habit (Live).

Pride

Current mood: Anxious
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Fire Door/Amazing Grace

I've noticed that I get the best blog, when I listen to Ani. Hehe. Strange. But I guess it's because she just makes me in such a good mood. I can't do anything but smile, when I listen to the songs of hers. I guess there's just something about songs that you can identify with.

Reading through my last post, I realize I don't like it. Sure, I know it's me, and I remember the feeling that's saturated through the whole text, but I don't like it. I don't like when I'm in that kind of mood. It's destructive for my happy nature. Or .. Is it? Maybe it's those moments that makes it possible for me to stay so content for most of the time. Maybe I just need those moments of despair, where I just wanna go to sleep, and never wake up again. Oh, how dark and gothic. Baah. I'm 32 flavours and then some! ^^

It's Valentine's Day today. phish! So I stayed up 'til six in the morning, talked on the phone with Ann before she had to go to school, and then I went to sleep. Unfortunately I didn't get to sleep that good, as I had expected. The phone wouldn't stop ringing! A lot of people with unimportant messages, that had absolutely no significance to me. I just wanted to sleep, and there they were. But then my stepdad, Jörn, came home, and that was a great thing, because then he could watch the phone. Wonderful! So all in all I slept for 10 hours. I woke up at four, and wasn't as rested as I had planned. But what dreams! I don't remember most of them right now, but I remember the last one that I had. I was on a big stage and I was playing guitar, together with a few other people. I think we all we're best friends. It kind of seemed that way. There was a drummer, which I didn't connect that much with, and then there was bassplayer and a guitarist. The drummer was a little in the back (as drummers normally are), and I think it was a he. Then, if you look at the stage from the audience, I was to the right, and the leadsinger in the middle, and the bassplayer was to the left. I think that they were girls, but one of them may have been a he. I'm not wuite sure. Anyway, there was this huge crowd, that were going absolutely wild, and we were just playing for our lives. It was cool. Such a thrill! We were playing rock'n'roll, and it seemed like something that everybody could listen to. Something that wouldn't make some people go, Oh, what noise! Like so many parents do, if their kid listens to nu-metal. This was good craunchy rock'n'roll with an heartfelt edge.
I don't remember being stunned, as I am now, about all those fans. There were s o many! But on stage I just enjoyed it, like I've never enjoyed anything else, and I gave it all I had. When we were finished with the final song, the stagelight disappeared. The guitars were shrilling, and we were all sweating like in hell. It was so incredible. I felt so alive. So exhausted and so satisfied. Incredible doesn't even cover it. It was absolutely marvelous, and no matter what words I use, it wouldn't absorb it all sufficient.
Anyway (this is gonna be a long entry, just warning, if you werent getting it), after the lights went out, the crowd became a ecstatic pandemonium. Then the bassplayer, guitarist and I went to the edge of the stage, to give our hands to the people stading there. There were some girls, who were just screaming so loud, when we reached our hands our to theirs. Crazy, I tell you. Nevertheless, I suddenly walked away, lurching, while I smiled, because I remembered that I had been drinking with my friend Cecilie from Kolding. Weird. Then I went out backstage, and my mom and sister greeted me, and told me that I had played phenomenal. But as they said it, it seemed like they were covering up for something. Something that was going on between them. And then it striked me: they had been arguing, and were trying not to worry me about it. But how could I avoid not to notice. It was right there in front of me, and I was sure that if we didn't get out, it would smother us like thick steam. They then started arguing about a bed that was backstage, and my mom began to take it out on me, passive aggressive, and that was the reason they started arguing, 'cause then my sister came to my rescue. Nonetheless, they cooled down a bit, and we went somewhere I don't remember.
I remember that they made me feel sad, and when I awoke the sorrow had slipped through the fog, and into my mind. It effected my mood immediately, but luckily I don't really feel it anymore. So I don't really wanna talk about it, other than that I probaly had the dream because of my birthday the day after tomorrow. I realize that with the tension between my mom and sister, and the newly-formed tension between my two bothers, it's not possible to celebrate my birthday together with the people I love the most. I recognize that they're the reason that I haven't thought about my birthday or looked forward to it. 'Cause I knew it would cause me pain in some way. But here we are, and there's nothing to do. Luckily enough, they're all very understanding, and my sister Helle has invited me to be together with her and my nieces, while my parents are at work. Then I can come home at evening, and spend it with them, when they're finished from work. My brother Mulle also realized what they're doing to me, so he promised me that we could make a little party for me on sunday. Just him, my niece and nephew, mom and stepdad, dad and Ann!! I'm s o happy that she's coming!! If she weren't coming, it wouldn't be complete. I know it won't be anyway, but she'll make me feel complete.

Oh! And Judy just wrote me an sms ^^ or not just, hours ago, but it made me really glad. She wrote that she had been reading my blog, and that she was so proud of me for writing down my feelings, and that although it was in english, she loved the way I did it. It made me really happy. And also Jørn just came in, and said I had received a letter!! Then I looked up, and he was holding a red envelope in his hand! ^^ I was so excited! A Valentine's Day card! Haha. How splendid! And it was from Judy (x With a purdy little fat cat on the front, saying: "When I think of you..." and then you open it, and it says: "... I get really happy!" and then there's the cat, with red cheeks, jumping up in cascade of red glittering hearts! She has then written: "Yours truly, your best friend Judy." And at last it says: "Happy Valentine" with big capital letters!! ^^ She's so wonderful! So incredible thoughtful. I love that little villig og ikke billig girl <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Current mood: Happy!!
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Napoleon

Flavouring

Current mood: Non-mathematical
Listening to: Top Model 5

Arg, crappy math assignment! I can't describe the immense hate that I feel for that damn subject. I'm looking s o much forward for it to end. I'm gonna be so amazingly happy when I'm done with this. I feel so insufficient, but I just don't get it. And there are just things that I will never get about that subject. I've learned to accept that as a fact, but still .. It gets to me when they push us. I just can't handle it. Sometimes I just hate this damn dyscalculia. But what the heck .. As long as I pass. I don't need a high grade - not like I'm gonna be a scientist with specialization in logical equations.

At least I have my songs. My dear lyrics. And I get to show my worth in english, german, social studies, history and drama - so up yours mathematics! and physics? Yours too!

But oh well. I skipped math yesterday, and slept a little longer + I skipped it again today, I went home earlier. I've sent my assignment though. So no harm done, I guess. Except I'm not learning about statistics? Yawn. But it'll be alright. I just need a little breathing space.

Anyway! Now for happy news xD Ann is coming! Not this weekend, but the one after that ;D wee. I'm looking s o much forward to that!! She makes everything a lot easier to endure. All the bad things. She's so wonderful, because she's so sweet and understanding. She offers comfort, when no one else does. And she's the only one that I have ever been able to be completely honest with. She really does make me a better person, and it was her who helped me realize that I was good enough. I just hope that our paths will never part ^^

Current mood: Eager for this week to end ^^
Listening to: Top Model 5 in London o: haha.

Fire Door

Current mood: Content
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Falling Like This

It's incredible how my mood gets influenced by the music I listen to.
When I woke up this morning I felt good, because slept so long, but then slowly I got in this bad mood, when I thought of homework for tomorrow.
All it took to erase all of my worries, was listening to Artic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor. It was like all the heavy thoughts just disappeared, and I got in a nice relaxed mood.
Come to think about it, my mood gets very easily influenced by music, atmosphere and lighting. I think that if it had been sunny and hot outside, instead of gray and snowy, I wouldn't have taken the thought of school and homework tomorrow so heavily.
In a way it's kind of frustrating that my mood gets so easily effected, but then again it's nice to know that music is enough to make me happy again. Also I'm beginning to realize that writing actually makes me in a better mood. It's like I can better focus and concentrate, when I get everything out. New thoughts also occur to me when I'm writing, thoughts that I don't think would've come to my mind, if I hadn't been writing. I also find myself remembering better how to spell words correctly, now that I use them more frequently.

By the way: yesterday went splendid! We all had so much fun, and I do believe that the clerks at McDonalds thought we were drun! Haha! We laughed so much, and talked really loud, in our attempts to make ourselves be heard. One of them even came to us, and asked us to tone it a bit down. We really tried, but getting the eyes of killing from the female clerk that had asked us to keep it down, we decided to leave.
On the way to the bowling track, called Bowl'n'Fun, we sounded like a bunch of crazy drunks. Haha! We were so high of being together, that people driving by were honking after us. But afterall we were also thirteen youngsters laughing and shouting. Anyway, heading for bowling, we stopped at the filling station Shell, to get ourselves fuelled with some beverages. Peter and I shared six bottles of beer, Tuborg, and I suddenly remember why I prefered wine. Sadly enough there was only carton- and bottlewine, and that was a bit to much for me to drink all alone on the walk to Bowl'n'fun. It tasted so awful, and I was a bit perplexed about the memory of me last summer, were I was being able at emptying a beer in no time. Nevertheless, I had to beers, and Peter the same, after which he hid the last two behind the building.
Inside we all sat down and talked a bit more, since there was an half hour before we had the two tracks, that Poul had reserved for us. We then paired up, since we could only be five on each track, and Peter and I were going to play together. After this, some chose to play in the indoor playground, filled with hundreds and hundreds of little coloured balls. Poul then managed to spill some dude's drink all over Anja's legs. We then all hurried to the tracks, before the dude would notice about the beer. After that it all just went fast. Music was pumping, Cecilie arrived and paired up with Mette K, balls were rolling, and we were having so much fun! xD
When time was up, I got a ride home with Maria together with Cecilie and Poul, who was gonna party on downtown. I was home at about 01.30, after which I talked to Ann until I went to bed at about 02.30.

Well, that sure was a lot of writing. Think I'm gonna get something to eat now. My parents are also home from Matthias baptism now, so maybe they are gonna eat too.

Current mood: Happy and hungry
Listening to: TV

Glass House

Current mood: Sad and a bit annoyed
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Napoleon

Disturbing, what drawings can do to people.

How is it that we just refuse to look at things from different angle?
It sickens me how righteous some people are, and how they just won't listen to other thougts. It kind of saddens me, when people just choose to be ignorant, just because they don't care about other populations. But most of all it just plain aggravates me. I just simply cannot understand why some just want to close their eyes to the rest of the world, just because their own opinion suits them better. Because, why should we listen to "them", and perhaps learn something? Or just anyfuckingthing!

Well, enough about that for now. It doesn't quite set my mood for tonights events. I'm going bowling with a few of my classmates. Think we're gonna be twelve or thirteen friends, just having fun and chilling out from all the arguments that have been lately, and still are.

I suddenly remember a thing that occured to me yesterday:
I'm actually pretty shy.
Strange thing is that I never really saw myself that way. I've always known that I wasn't one of the most outgoing people, but neither introverted. But I've noticed that I have a difficult time writing to people I see on forums and so. Sometimes I do get around to it, but then I write like 5 different drafts for a letter, whereupon I usually don't write anyway.
But yesterday I did something about it! I sat down, found a couple of different girls on boyfriend.dk, and I actually wrote them! Although it took me some time to pull myself together, and in fact write anything that I could be pleased with, I did it! And you know what? They d i d answer me, and they were all nice and great replies ^_^ This really boosted my self-esteem, and made be more confident.
Funny thing although, when I think about it, is my anxiousness in writing to people that I'm probably never gonna see in real life!
»stupid lesbian . .«

Current mood: Pretty good, and excited
Listening to: Seether - Gasoline