Current mood: Addicted
Listening to: King Of The World by Porcelain And The Tramps
I haven't smoked a cigarette in 89 days. Which means that on the 11th of january, I won't have inhaled that precious nicotine for 13 weeks. Did I quit cold turkey, from one day to the other? Yes. Was it easy? No. There were definitely withdrawals happening in the first week. But that was only physical withdrawals. After that first week, it was all about the psychological withdrawals, which was in a way, much more harder. At least I felt like I could control the physical aspect of myself, whereas the psychological withdrawals were not as easy to get rid off.
Nonetheless I am a non-smoker right now. The physical withdrawals have stopped long ago, but the psychological have not, and I wonder if they ever will. I stopped because of surgery, but have "permission" to start again at about the 10th of march.
Right now, as I am writing this (and this even being in an intoxicated state), I don't feel the need to have a cigarette. Or. Perhaps a bit (is anything else possible, when hearing Porcelain?). But one thing is for sure: If I don't feel the need to smoke at march the 10th, then I of course won't. But. If I do. Then I will have a cigarette. Bcause I decided a long time ago that if something makes me happy, more than it harms me, then I'll do it. So if that means that I'll only live 'til 70 years, instead of 80, then I'll gladly take it, because that'll mean I lived my life to the fullest. At least it'll mean that to me.
Current mood: Addicted
Listening to: Gasoline by Porcelain And The Tramps
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
C-c-c-c-c-cocaine jeopardy
Current mood: Craving
Listening to: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) by Taking Back Sunday
Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol.
I'll take Marijuana to $200, Alcohol to $400, and a cancerstick to $1000 !
Listening to: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) by Taking Back Sunday
Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol.
I'll take Marijuana to $200, Alcohol to $400, and a cancerstick to $1000 !
Multiple Intelligences: A year later
So, a little over a year ago I took the Multiple Intelligences test, and got results which I found pretty realistic.
So I thought I'd try it once again, and see if it was any different - which it was, but not much.
Linguistic (Word Smart)
My score here is a bit higher now. A year ago it was 20, now it's 21. Not much of difference, but at least it hasn't worsened, eh?
Logical (Number Smart)
Now here's been a bit more of a significant change. A year ago I got a 9 and now I got a 7. Still not much, but it's noticeable, when comparing the charts.
Interpersonal (People Smart)
Like my w0rt smartz, I've gained a point here, from 20 to 21. Awesome, aiight?
Intrapersonal (Myself Smart)
w000t. From 20 to 16! Now this sucks y'all!
I*d like to think that the test was wrong on this one though. Since I know for a fact that I've gotten wiser about myself and my behavior patterns. Oh well, can't win 'em all, huh?
Musical (Music Smart)
From 18 to 21! woohoo. Other than the fact that this is pretty awesome, I really don't know what to do with it?
As long as I'm too shy to play for anyone, I won't be ricking out on a stage anytime soon. Haha. But I suppose I could be the famous musicians' lyrics genius?
Visual/Spatial (Picture Smart)
From 16 to 18 - Well, that's just clever, ain't it? Not really something you can brag about though. 'Cause I sure ain't going to be painting no pictures for y'all to see.
Naturalistic (Nature Smart)
One point raise, from 15 to 16. Not sure what to make of this. Yes, I do "like the world of plants and animals" but I wouldn't say that I'm just as eager in "learning about them."
Kinaesthestic (Body Smart)
Apparently, I've also gotten better in this area, with a raise from 8 to 10. Oh well, I suppose that's quite cool.
So I thought I'd try it once again, and see if it was any different - which it was, but not much.
Linguistic (Word Smart)
My score here is a bit higher now. A year ago it was 20, now it's 21. Not much of difference, but at least it hasn't worsened, eh?
Logical (Number Smart)
Now here's been a bit more of a significant change. A year ago I got a 9 and now I got a 7. Still not much, but it's noticeable, when comparing the charts.
Interpersonal (People Smart)
Like my w0rt smartz, I've gained a point here, from 20 to 21. Awesome, aiight?
Intrapersonal (Myself Smart)
w000t. From 20 to 16! Now this sucks y'all!
I*d like to think that the test was wrong on this one though. Since I know for a fact that I've gotten wiser about myself and my behavior patterns. Oh well, can't win 'em all, huh?
Musical (Music Smart)
From 18 to 21! woohoo. Other than the fact that this is pretty awesome, I really don't know what to do with it?
As long as I'm too shy to play for anyone, I won't be ricking out on a stage anytime soon. Haha. But I suppose I could be the famous musicians' lyrics genius?
Visual/Spatial (Picture Smart)
From 16 to 18 - Well, that's just clever, ain't it? Not really something you can brag about though. 'Cause I sure ain't going to be painting no pictures for y'all to see.
Naturalistic (Nature Smart)
One point raise, from 15 to 16. Not sure what to make of this. Yes, I do "like the world of plants and animals" but I wouldn't say that I'm just as eager in "learning about them."
Kinaesthestic (Body Smart)
Apparently, I've also gotten better in this area, with a raise from 8 to 10. Oh well, I suppose that's quite cool.
Monday, October 27, 2008
An agnostic point of view
Current mood: Open-minded
Listening to: Youtube
I just watched this very interesting video, which I really liked and found thought-provoking. The video is called 10 questions that every intelligent Christian must answer and has at this moment had 3,376,444 views. Now I'd like to post it, since I found it very intriguing, but also make some comments to it afterwards though.
Now. As stated, I enjoyed the video. But I'm not completely at ease with the narrator describing religious people as delusional.
delusion |diˈloō zh ən|
noun
an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.
I have some trouble with this, because at the end of the video, the narrator states two things, which bothers me somewhat:
"Your religious beliefs hurt you personally and hurt us as a species because they are delusional."
I can easily see how some religious beliefs might hurt a lot of people world wide. Since I am a lesbian, I have experienced this firsthand. But I think he's generalizing way too much, because even though I'm a firm believer in agnosticism, I know that the notion of a god brings a lot of hope and light into a lot of peoples lives. Because even though religious beliefs are built on an illusion, from this point of view, how could this ever hurt us as a species?
The only thing that hurts us as a species is when religious extremists force their way of thinking on to everyone else. But I don't believe that this is something solely restricted to religion, but in general represents anyone who hold opinions, which they try and impose on everybody else.
I do however see the dilemma with this one.
"The belief in any "god" is complete nonsense."
To proclaim that a persons belief in any god is nonsense, seems so very disrespectful to me. I think it is degrading religious people to mindless clowns, which for a lot of cases is true (I'll come back to this further down), but making a generalization like that is hurtful to a lot of loving people, who happen to be religious. I feel like the belief in a higher being is a wonderful thing, even though I'm not able to believe. Now I write this, while thinking of circumstances like sickness, hardship and suffering of any kind. And I seem to remember a study which explained how especially sickness, is very likely to worsen, when the bearer gives up on hope and just settles in negativity. For many people, a belief in a loving god helps them through times such as sickness, and keeps their spirits up. Now I may not remember correctly about this study, but it just came to mind. So bear with me. Also, I'm not saying that this is exclusively limited to religion. Some people are able to keep up their hopes and spirits, without the belief of a higher being. Kudos to them.
Now all of this is just my opinion and as I stated initially, I like the video. But I really believe that people should be entitled to their own religious beliefs, without being looked upon as lesser beings. Again, stating this, comes with some exceptions, since there are some religious people who I consider to be quite delusional. But this is not due to their religious beliefs per se, but more so due to their behavior, which they explain with their religion. I'm not sure that quite conveys my thoughts to the extend I intented, but I can't think of another way to express it.
One of my very good friends is a Christian and to even consider her being looked upon as a lesser being, because of her believing in God, saddens me a great deal. She's a really great person and doesn't force her personal belief on anyone. At the beginning of our relationship, I confronted her with the apparent issue, between my homosexuality and her religious beliefs. Without hesitation, she looked me right in the eye and said this: "I am a Christian and therefore it is not my business to judge anyone. That is something only entitled to God and he will look upon us all, when we are standing at the gates of Heaven."
I often think of that statement and wish every Christian was like her. She has the amazing ability to look at people and recognize them for who they are - not letting words written by prejudiced men, control her outlook on the world. I can't comprehend how she is able to believe in God, with all the contradictions, but she once told me that she had at one time felt a divine presence, and this sealed her faith in Jesus Christ. I don't understand it and I can't imagine what that would be like at all, but I accept it. Because just as I can't apprehend her faith, she can't comprehend why I have feelings towards women. And this is what I think is important - tolerance. If she and I weren't tolerant, we wouldn't be able to be friends, but because we are, we're capable of enlightening each others horizons.
Listening to: Youtube
I just watched this very interesting video, which I really liked and found thought-provoking. The video is called 10 questions that every intelligent Christian must answer and has at this moment had 3,376,444 views. Now I'd like to post it, since I found it very intriguing, but also make some comments to it afterwards though.
Now. As stated, I enjoyed the video. But I'm not completely at ease with the narrator describing religious people as delusional.
delusion |diˈloō zh ən|
noun
an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.
I have some trouble with this, because at the end of the video, the narrator states two things, which bothers me somewhat:
"Your religious beliefs hurt you personally and hurt us as a species because they are delusional."
I can easily see how some religious beliefs might hurt a lot of people world wide. Since I am a lesbian, I have experienced this firsthand. But I think he's generalizing way too much, because even though I'm a firm believer in agnosticism, I know that the notion of a god brings a lot of hope and light into a lot of peoples lives. Because even though religious beliefs are built on an illusion, from this point of view, how could this ever hurt us as a species?
The only thing that hurts us as a species is when religious extremists force their way of thinking on to everyone else. But I don't believe that this is something solely restricted to religion, but in general represents anyone who hold opinions, which they try and impose on everybody else.
I do however see the dilemma with this one.
"The belief in any "god" is complete nonsense."
To proclaim that a persons belief in any god is nonsense, seems so very disrespectful to me. I think it is degrading religious people to mindless clowns, which for a lot of cases is true (I'll come back to this further down), but making a generalization like that is hurtful to a lot of loving people, who happen to be religious. I feel like the belief in a higher being is a wonderful thing, even though I'm not able to believe. Now I write this, while thinking of circumstances like sickness, hardship and suffering of any kind. And I seem to remember a study which explained how especially sickness, is very likely to worsen, when the bearer gives up on hope and just settles in negativity. For many people, a belief in a loving god helps them through times such as sickness, and keeps their spirits up. Now I may not remember correctly about this study, but it just came to mind. So bear with me. Also, I'm not saying that this is exclusively limited to religion. Some people are able to keep up their hopes and spirits, without the belief of a higher being. Kudos to them.
Now all of this is just my opinion and as I stated initially, I like the video. But I really believe that people should be entitled to their own religious beliefs, without being looked upon as lesser beings. Again, stating this, comes with some exceptions, since there are some religious people who I consider to be quite delusional. But this is not due to their religious beliefs per se, but more so due to their behavior, which they explain with their religion. I'm not sure that quite conveys my thoughts to the extend I intented, but I can't think of another way to express it.
One of my very good friends is a Christian and to even consider her being looked upon as a lesser being, because of her believing in God, saddens me a great deal. She's a really great person and doesn't force her personal belief on anyone. At the beginning of our relationship, I confronted her with the apparent issue, between my homosexuality and her religious beliefs. Without hesitation, she looked me right in the eye and said this: "I am a Christian and therefore it is not my business to judge anyone. That is something only entitled to God and he will look upon us all, when we are standing at the gates of Heaven."
I often think of that statement and wish every Christian was like her. She has the amazing ability to look at people and recognize them for who they are - not letting words written by prejudiced men, control her outlook on the world. I can't comprehend how she is able to believe in God, with all the contradictions, but she once told me that she had at one time felt a divine presence, and this sealed her faith in Jesus Christ. I don't understand it and I can't imagine what that would be like at all, but I accept it. Because just as I can't apprehend her faith, she can't comprehend why I have feelings towards women. And this is what I think is important - tolerance. If she and I weren't tolerant, we wouldn't be able to be friends, but because we are, we're capable of enlightening each others horizons.
Friday, October 24, 2008
Rebel rebel
Current mood: Jolly
Oh, if dreams could come true!
Terry Tate: From Russia With Love
Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental
Oh, if dreams could come true!
Terry Tate: From Russia With Love
Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
Well, aren't you clever?
Current mood: Relieved
Listening to: I Love The Gays by Mandy Steckelberg
If you don't know her already, you really should check out Mandy Steckelberg.
She's an awesome comedian and singer, and here's two fantastic videos from her:
1940's phone sex line
I Love the Gays
Listening to: I Love The Gays by Mandy Steckelberg
If you don't know her already, you really should check out Mandy Steckelberg.
She's an awesome comedian and singer, and here's two fantastic videos from her:
1940's phone sex line
I Love the Gays
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Dating Persona
Current mood: A bit tired
Listening to: Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley
As always, I like to retake the The Dating Persona Test once every few months, when I feel like the result may be different. So I just did, and once again, I was right: the result did change. I'm quite excited about how my results change, since I've never gone back to a previous result. But then again, there's 16 different results s: haha.
Anyway, to catch up to speed, I've gone from: The Window Shopper (?) to The Nurse (18/09/07) to The Sudden Departure (20/03/08) to Half-Cocked (14/07/08) and now finally:
And since OkCupid doesn't feel like customizing their results to the different blog templates, you can go here to read my full result, should you feel so inclined.
But seriously. OkCupid keeps surprising me. It's magnificent!
"[...] a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her." This couldn't be more painfully true. Since this has just happened. Goddamnit, OkCupid! *shakes fist*
At least I'm just also very happy to be past Half-Cocked.
It's funny how the different dating personas mark a very special place in my life in terms of girls. I can relate to all of them and think back to that time. Arh, OkCupid is awesome.
Funny development:
Random Gentle Love Dreamer
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer
Random Brutal Love Master
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
Random Gentle Love Master
Hands down, I like my current result the best of all ^^ Haha. Now let's see if I can find another Peach or just a Playstation or a Window Shopper ;D
Listening to: Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley
As always, I like to retake the The Dating Persona Test once every few months, when I feel like the result may be different. So I just did, and once again, I was right: the result did change. I'm quite excited about how my results change, since I've never gone back to a previous result. But then again, there's 16 different results s: haha.
Anyway, to catch up to speed, I've gone from: The Window Shopper (?) to The Nurse (18/09/07) to The Sudden Departure (20/03/08) to Half-Cocked (14/07/08) and now finally:
The PeachRandom Gentle Love Master (RGLM) Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach. For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it. You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her. Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense. Your exact female opposite: The Nymph  Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM) Consider: The Peach (RGLM), The Playstation (RGSM), The Window Shopper (RGLD) |
And since OkCupid doesn't feel like customizing their results to the different blog templates, you can go here to read my full result, should you feel so inclined.
But seriously. OkCupid keeps surprising me. It's magnificent!
"[...] a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her." This couldn't be more painfully true. Since this has just happened. Goddamnit, OkCupid! *shakes fist*
At least I'm just also very happy to be past Half-Cocked.
It's funny how the different dating personas mark a very special place in my life in terms of girls. I can relate to all of them and think back to that time. Arh, OkCupid is awesome.
Funny development:
Random Gentle Love Dreamer
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer
Random Brutal Love Master
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
Random Gentle Love Master
Hands down, I like my current result the best of all ^^ Haha. Now let's see if I can find another Peach or just a Playstation or a Window Shopper ;D
Friday, October 17, 2008
What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test
Extroverted, Progressive, and Intelligent
20 Cubist, -15 Islamic, -10 Ukiyo-e, -10 Impressionist, 18 Abstract and -33 Renaissance!
People that chose Cubist paintings as their favorite art form tend to be very individualized people. They are more extroverted and less afraid of speaking their opinions then other people. They tend to be progressive and are very forward thinking. As the cubist painting is like looking into a shattered mirror where you can see different angles of the images, the people that prefer these paintings like looking at all angles of a problem. These people are intelligent and they are the transformers of our generation. They look beyond what is seen into what things could become. They are ready to leave the ideas of the past behind and look at what the future has to offer.
Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy
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