C-c-c-c-c-cocaine jeopardy

Current mood: Craving
Listening to: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) by Taking Back Sunday

Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol.

I'll take Marijuana to $200, Alcohol to $400, and a cancerstick to $1000 !

Multiple Intelligences: A year later

So, a little over a year ago I took the Multiple Intelligences test, and got results which I found pretty realistic.
So I thought I'd try it once again, and see if it was any different - which it was, but not much.



Linguistic (Word Smart)
My score here is a bit higher now. A year ago it was 20, now it's 21. Not much of difference, but at least it hasn't worsened, eh?

Logical (Number Smart)
Now here's been a bit more of a significant change. A year ago I got a 9 and now I got a 7. Still not much, but it's noticeable, when comparing the charts.

Interpersonal (People Smart)
Like my w0rt smartz, I've gained a point here, from 20 to 21. Awesome, aiight?

Intrapersonal (Myself Smart)
w000t. From 20 to 16! Now this sucks y'all!
I*d like to think that the test was wrong on this one though. Since I know for a fact that I've gotten wiser about myself and my behavior patterns. Oh well, can't win 'em all, huh?

Musical (Music Smart)
From 18 to 21! woohoo. Other than the fact that this is pretty awesome, I really don't know what to do with it?
As long as I'm too shy to play for anyone, I won't be ricking out on a stage anytime soon. Haha. But I suppose I could be the famous musicians' lyrics genius?

Visual/Spatial (Picture Smart)
From 16 to 18 - Well, that's just clever, ain't it? Not really something you can brag about though. 'Cause I sure ain't going to be painting no pictures for y'all to see.

Naturalistic (Nature Smart)
One point raise, from 15 to 16. Not sure what to make of this. Yes, I do "like the world of plants and animals" but I wouldn't say that I'm just as eager in "learning about them."

Kinaesthestic (Body Smart)
Apparently, I've also gotten better in this area, with a raise from 8 to 10. Oh well, I suppose that's quite cool.

An agnostic point of view

Current mood: Open-minded
Listening to: Youtube

I just watched this very interesting video, which I really liked and found thought-provoking. The video is called 10 questions that every intelligent Christian must answer and has at this moment had 3,376,444 views. Now I'd like to post it, since I found it very intriguing, but also make some comments to it afterwards though.



Now. As stated, I enjoyed the video. But I'm not completely at ease with the narrator describing religious people as delusional.

delusion |diˈloō zh ən|
noun
an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.

I have some trouble with this, because at the end of the video, the narrator states two things, which bothers me somewhat:

"Your religious beliefs hurt you personally and hurt us as a species because they are delusional."

I can easily see how some religious beliefs might hurt a lot of people world wide. Since I am a lesbian, I have experienced this firsthand. But I think he's generalizing way too much, because even though I'm a firm believer in agnosticism, I know that the notion of a god brings a lot of hope and light into a lot of peoples lives. Because even though religious beliefs are built on an illusion, from this point of view, how could this ever hurt us as a species?
The only thing that hurts us as a species is when religious extremists force their way of thinking on to everyone else. But I don't believe that this is something solely restricted to religion, but in general represents anyone who hold opinions, which they try and impose on everybody else.
I do however see the dilemma with this one.

"The belief in any "god" is complete nonsense."

To proclaim that a persons belief in any god is nonsense, seems so very disrespectful to me. I think it is degrading religious people to mindless clowns, which for a lot of cases is true (I'll come back to this further down), but making a generalization like that is hurtful to a lot of loving people, who happen to be religious. I feel like the belief in a higher being is a wonderful thing, even though I'm not able to believe. Now I write this, while thinking of circumstances like sickness, hardship and suffering of any kind. And I seem to remember a study which explained how especially sickness, is very likely to worsen, when the bearer gives up on hope and just settles in negativity. For many people, a belief in a loving god helps them through times such as sickness, and keeps their spirits up. Now I may not remember correctly about this study, but it just came to mind. So bear with me. Also, I'm not saying that this is exclusively limited to religion. Some people are able to keep up their hopes and spirits, without the belief of a higher being. Kudos to them.

Now all of this is just my opinion and as I stated initially, I like the video. But I really believe that people should be entitled to their own religious beliefs, without being looked upon as lesser beings. Again, stating this, comes with some exceptions, since there are some religious people who I consider to be quite delusional. But this is not due to their religious beliefs per se, but more so due to their behavior, which they explain with their religion. I'm not sure that quite conveys my thoughts to the extend I intented, but I can't think of another way to express it.
One of my very good friends is a Christian and to even consider her being looked upon as a lesser being, because of her believing in God, saddens me a great deal. She's a really great person and doesn't force her personal belief on anyone. At the beginning of our relationship, I confronted her with the apparent issue, between my homosexuality and her religious beliefs. Without hesitation, she looked me right in the eye and said this: "I am a Christian and therefore it is not my business to judge anyone. That is something only entitled to God and he will look upon us all, when we are standing at the gates of Heaven."
I often think of that statement and wish every Christian was like her. She has the amazing ability to look at people and recognize them for who they are - not letting words written by prejudiced men, control her outlook on the world. I can't comprehend how she is able to believe in God, with all the contradictions, but she once told me that she had at one time felt a divine presence, and this sealed her faith in Jesus Christ. I don't understand it and I can't imagine what that would be like at all, but I accept it. Because just as I can't apprehend her faith, she can't comprehend why I have feelings towards women. And this is what I think is important - tolerance. If she and I weren't tolerant, we wouldn't be able to be friends, but because we are, we're capable of enlightening each others horizons.

Rebel rebel

Current mood: Jolly

Oh, if dreams could come true!

Terry Tate: From Russia With Love


Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental

Well, aren't you clever?

Current mood: Relieved
Listening to: I Love The Gays by Mandy Steckelberg

If you don't know her already, you really should check out Mandy Steckelberg.
She's an awesome comedian and singer, and here's two fantastic videos from her:

1940's phone sex line


I Love the Gays

Dating Persona

Current mood: A bit tired
Listening to: Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley

As always, I like to retake the The Dating Persona Test once every few months, when I feel like the result may be different. So I just did, and once again, I was right: the result did change. I'm quite excited about how my results change, since I've never gone back to a previous result. But then again, there's 16 different results s: haha.
Anyway, to catch up to speed, I've gone from: The Window Shopper (?) to The Nurse (18/09/07) to The Sudden Departure (20/03/08) to Half-Cocked (14/07/08) and now finally:

The Peach Random Gentle Love Master (RGLM) Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach. For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it. You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her. Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense. Your exact female opposite: The Nymph Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM) Consider: The Peach (RGLM), The Playstation (RGSM), The Window Shopper (RGLD)

And since OkCupid doesn't feel like customizing their results to the different blog templates, you can go here to read my full result, should you feel so inclined.

But seriously. OkCupid keeps surprising me. It's magnificent!
"[...] a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her." This couldn't be more painfully true. Since this has just happened. Goddamnit, OkCupid! *shakes fist*

At least I'm just also very happy to be past Half-Cocked.
It's funny how the different dating personas mark a very special place in my life in terms of girls. I can relate to all of them and think back to that time. Arh, OkCupid is awesome.

Funny development:
Random Gentle Love Dreamer
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer
Random Brutal Love Master
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
Random Gentle Love Master

Hands down, I like my current result the best of all ^^ Haha. Now let's see if I can find another Peach or just a Playstation or a Window Shopper ;D

What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test

Extroverted, Progressive, and Intelligent

20 Cubist, -15 Islamic, -10 Ukiyo-e, -10 Impressionist, 18 Abstract and -33 Renaissance!

Cubism was a 20th century avant-garde movement, pioneered by Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque. It revolutionized European art and inspired changes in music and literature. The first branch of cubism, known as Analytic Cubism. It was both radical and influential as a short but highly significant art movement between 1908 and 1911 mainly in France. In its second phase, Synthetic Cubism, (using synthetic materials in the art) the movement spread and remained vital until around 1919.

People that chose Cubist paintings as their favorite art form tend to be very individualized people. They are more extroverted and less afraid of speaking their opinions then other people. They tend to be progressive and are very forward thinking. As the cubist painting is like looking into a shattered mirror where you can see different angles of the images, the people that prefer these paintings like looking at all angles of a problem. These people are intelligent and they are the transformers of our generation. They look beyond what is seen into what things could become. They are ready to leave the ideas of the past behind and look at what the future has to offer.

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Random Access Memory

RAM is quite awesome!
These make me smile:

bookworm -1987
Laying in my bed with Jenny, clutching the edge of my blanket in my very sweating palms; more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I was just staring at the ceiling. She rolled over on me and started kissing my ear, making her way to my mouth. I remember thinking to myself, "Okay, this is it. You are now officially a lesbian."

savedglory -2000
Sitting on carpetted stairs next to Suzanne. Someone said, "Look, there's the lesbians!" and everybody laughed. I turned bright red and told them to shut up, offended. Then I climbed into bed next to Suzanne and felt my stomach do jumping jacks when her leg touched mine.

Reach for the sky

Current mood: Reflective
Listening to: I and Identify by P.O.D.

love life
noun
the area of a person's life concerning their relationships with lovers.

I think I'm in my most serious relationship throughout my life right now. And it's not even a relationship per se. Which of course means: we're dating.

I write serious because I lack a better word for what I'm feeling. Because obviously my two point five-ish years with second girlfriend were quite serious. Perhaps committed is a better word? No, that doesn't quite describe it either, since I've been in one of those committed relationships before. And again - this is still dating.

What I'm trying to express here, is that this is quite different from what else I've experienced and tried. Because what I just realized half an hour ago, is that my relationships in the past have been quite fast paced. A trip down memory lane will demonstrate:

First girlfriend. Now this venture was actually quite good, since we started out as friends and then slowly accelerated into something more. So this was actually a good beginning, since this went nice and slow. First love kinda thang.
Second girlfriend. Wow. Okay, we started out as great friends also. But when interest was revealed from both sides, everything escalated rapidly. Compared to one's first love, this was the chaotic and passionate kind of deal. The one were you just get so caught up in one another that everything else disappears. Also, the one were you're still in your teens, so you think this is it! I've found the one! And you simply must create sappy love poems and other artistic endeavors. But I guess it's true what they say: What starts in chaos, ends in chaos. Now I say this with a great deal of regards, since I really evolved during this relationship and learned a lot during and especially after.
Third girlfriend. Rebound - even though I certainly wouldn't admit this during the act (but really, isn't every dalliance after a long-lasting, serious relationship qualified as a rebound?). This has quite a chaotic beginning too (to say the least). We were acquaintances beforehand this entanglement began. A very drunk night at the local gay club changed this though, when we ended up kissing fiercely outside. Even though we agreed to take things slow (when we sobered up), it didn't entirely go down like that. Although we were both fairly confused by our sudden liaison, it quickly resulted in a relationship (the lesbian way, I guess?). Again, what starts in chaos, ends in chaos. Sadly, I didn't learn enough from this experience.
Fourth (fling). Now this luckily never resulted in a relationship. I write luckily, not to insult either of us, but to point out that this was not a case of altered U-Haul. We dated for a short period of time and as a result never really got to know each other that well. And in my opinion there's no reason to initiate a relationship, when you don't really know each other, - this experience was gained from third girlfriend - after all, that's what dating's for, right? Didn't start in chaos, but sure culminated with something close to it.
Fifth girlfriend. Once again I fooled around with chaos. But I gained something incredibly substantial from this farce. Something that had been so perceptible, if contemplated, and yet too vague for my consciousness to comprehend.

Fifth and currently last relationship, concluded the vicious circle I began with third girlfriend. My relationships with third girlfriend, fling and fifth girlfriend all have one thing in common: they weren't on an equal footing, meaning that they were initiated, because (and I'm ashamed to admit this) they were interested in me. I was flattered by their attraction to me and it made me feel wanted, appreciated and most importantly: secure. Feelings, all of which I lost after the breakup with second girlfriend, suddenly given back by these girls. I realize now what a low point this was and how unfair it was to them. But I also know that I wasn't aware of all of this back then - that the true intentions of my decisions to engage in these relationships, were made on a subconscious level. Because at the time, I genuinely believed my heart was in it.

I've ruminated on all of the before mentioned throughout this new endeavor, more or less. Because what I'm involved in right now is so radically different from my past experiences. As a result I couldn't help but examine my previous relations more closely.

So what I'm trying to convey is that I'm on completely new territory. I agreed to take things slow, because this was her first girl-on-girl experience. And everyone who's ever had to come out of the closet, knows what an emotionally confusing and difficult time this can be. So of course I wanted to respect this request, since I also gradually had become aware of how an oblivious take on things had proved to be quite risky. But I must admit: I had never for a second considered just how rewarding such an approach could turn out to be, how rewarding her approach to all of this is. And I don't even think she's aware of it. For her, this might as well just be the safest path to walk, on the journey of discovering her sexuality. But for me this is so much more, since I have been in other relationships and am completely secure in my sexuality. What I have with her feels so enriching. Because even though we may not agree on certain things, and even though her behavior patterns may sometimes clash with mine, I feel so much adoration for how receptive she is. I feel elated by how uncorrupted she is when it comes to communicating. For example: We might be discussing something that's slowly escalating into an argument. Upon realizing this, I stifle myself and analytically comment on the way we're discussing the topic. And by whoever-you-may-praise, she gets it! She just gets it!

As long as we are able to continue this healthy development, I see no limits on intimacy between us, both physically and intellectually. If we continue to communicate as well as we do now and furthermore strive to progress, I have no doubts that this will be an extraordinary experience in terms of my love life.

Teehee.

I just h a v e to mention how happy it makes me, every time I see Carah's 'Not Sure' on her 'Orientation' ^^

Heehee. But she i s in a relationship right now, and I'll betcha' that it's with some boy. Haha, oh, that sounded way too southern in my head.

WTF!

Current mood: Drained
Listening to: Turn To Real Life by Shiny Toy Guns

Nooo! I can't believe it! Carah Faye Charnow isn't a member of Shiny Toy Guns anymore O_O noooes. But she was so amazing! >_< such a beautiful voice and such good looks also! *sniffle*

And I am SO slow! *Voice becomes whiney* Sisely Treasure *face-wringe* .. announced this back in August. Pfft. I mean, she's not ugly .. but she's just not Carah! *sigh*

Oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait and see (listen red.), if she cuts the mustard.
Because Carah will always have a special place <3 *giggle*

I can't wait to see if Carah comes up with something new ^^

My unintended

You make me sick because I adore you so <3

Über poetry, gay poetry

By Eileen Myles.

	Eileen Myles - Dear Andrea
	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Loose transcript:

Dear Andrea / I'm not trying to turn you on, Eileen / I'm stretching / What time is it? / Twenty-three before six / Dear God / should we feed them? / Oh yeah / I'm gonna take a shower / so let's do it now / Are you done? / How about I take a shower first? / Okay / I'd like you to read me the poem when I'm done / What's that Rose? / Myyrh, eerrh, nyyrh, nyyyrh

Dear Andrea / I love you too / Don't fuck up my hair / I can't believe you almost fisted me to today / That was great / I see a little duck's head / Just seperate under the sand / Are you really gonna read that? / I mean, seriously, honey / And the ocean wooshes in / Your jabby girlfriend / ka-tuum, poof, kaplash /and rolling your pants high / and the sea hits the rocks / and the seagulls hop / Man, am I in love

Dear Andrea / I've been alone all day / Spare me the postmodern experimental poet bullshit / Honey, think hard / about moments of love you've experienced with me / I want that love / Are we in a relationship or not? / Eileen, are you paying attention? / Fifty dollars, first ticket / Fifty dollars, first catcase / Diesel, diesel

Dear Andrea / You are the candy melting in my mouth / Is that a euphemism? / For what? / Witnessing your love / That's pretty good / Oh, I thought you said / hear the candy melting in my mouth / All the people like me / are thanking all the people like you / Can we call it a birdhouse? / I wouldn't take that away from you / You're like an orangutan / You're like a little brother I just allowed in the bed / Did you have coffee with your dinner? / No, I'm excited / We bought a birdhouse today / We didn't get it yet / No, but we should call it that / I am sweet

My dear Breña

Current mood: Overcomed
Watching: All Over Me by Alex Sichel


This completely rips my heart open. So fucking beautiful. I hope that each of them forever spare each other pain. And if they find that isn't possible then I wish them forgiveness.
Bette said it best.

Closing time

Current mood: Artistic, I tell you!
Listening to: Midnight Lullaby by Tom Waits

Okay, so I thought about it. The thing with my writings.
As I wrote in my previous post, I had an eager desire to share them here on blogger.
So I've actually gone and done exactly this. I've created another blog, just for my poetic ramblings.
Just not for everyone to see! *woohoo*

This decision actually solved everything. I get to "publish" my writings, but at the same time control completely who gets to see them.

As you've might or might not have noticed, I'm writing this at 7 in the morning. This is due to the fact that I wanted a different layout for my new blog, rather than just copying this one. And when I wrote layout, instead of design, I chose my words wisely, since the design in itself, with colors and shit, are the same. B u t. Whereas this is a 2-column blog, I've chosen to keep my rambling blog a 1-column piece. Which also results in no form of personal information being displayed there. There isn't even an archive 'menu'! This is due to the fact that I want to keep it as notebook-ish as possible, with my lyrics in center. Oh, and the reason I began this rant - I'm awake right now, because I'm shit with CSS.
At first I tried to find a pre-made layout. But I couldn't find anything that suiting my mood. Except the Nightingale template. Unfortunately, this template is only optimized for the 'classic blogger'. And when I tried switching to that old 'platform' everything looked terrible.
So, no thank you, sir. Or, as Calvin put it in Itty Bitty Titty Committee: "Thank you ma'am, I'll have another." rrauw.

Anyway, this means I sat out to create my own, very simple, layout. Which also means I had to work out how to handle CSS. And let me tell you right now - I have very little experience with this. Nonetheless, it all worked out in the end, a n d I've already posted some of the things I've written ^^ So all's good, y'all. Haha.

One thing that has emerged from this, though, is my great desire to learn much more CSS. Through the past few hours, were I've been annoyed by my inexperience, I couldn't help but think, at the same time: "Wau, what if I 'spoke' CSS as a second language? T h a t would be awesome!" So I'll definitely be taken this into consideration, when chosing what I'm going to study next.

Phew, this was some blog entry, eh?

(oh, and ps. I'm so in love with this girl, and psst. her name's liv! aaand .. she's hotter than tea! and by tea, I of course mean YOUR GIRLFRIEND!)

Love pulls my sore ribs in

Current mood: Inspired
Listening to: Not Tonight (Cover) by Pil & Liv

I have written so many drafts for lyrics since the 20th of August. No lies. But I can't seem to finish any of them completely? At least not without feeling a bit uneasy about them.

Also, I'd really love to post them here. But to be honest, I'm actually kind of afraid to do so.
Not that I fear others criticism, but more so because I'm very protective of what I write. Which is also the reason why DA hasn't been updated with my writings for quite some time now.
All of this is really rather silly, since I on one level don't consider my lyrics good enough for stealing. But then again, on another level, I just feel so strongly about what I write - because it's always very personal stuff - that fear gets the best of me.

I'm going to think some more about this and see whether or not I can overcome my fear.

Also, get ready out there in blogland for some shameless promoting soon.
This amazing girl I'm seeing is recording an EP with her sister as I type this, and I have no doubts - the result is going to be mind-blowing.

// Groupie #1 signing off.

My, oh my

Current mood: Freakin' excited!
Listening to: Cold Hard Bitch by Jet

Really? My entire life? pfft.

What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)

You scored as The Student Dyke Your entire life is defined by two things: your intellect and your sexuality; moreover you often merge the two to lure in women. The Student Dyke 50% The Little-Boy Dyke 45% The Pretty-Boi Dyke 35% The Sprightly Elfin Femme 25% The Stud 20% The Quasi-Gothic Femme 15% The Granola Dyke 15% The Femme Fatale 15% The Hipster Dyke 10% The Magic Earring Ken Dyke 10% The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke 5% The Bohemian Dyke 5% The Surprise! Dyke 0%

Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way

Listening to: Into Dust by Mazzy Star
Watching: Foxfire

I'm not okay, I can't wait for years and years. I'm totally freaking out, I can't be inside this body!
I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.

So We Could Deal

Current mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: My Love (JT cover) by Tender Forever

Okay, so I've been thinking. "Why, really?" Yes, now shut up.

Instead of sitting here feeling oh so sorry for myself, I should just move on. So I got my heart broken, and yes it was for the first time in 3 years, but seriously. I should be kind of happy to know that it CAN be broken. This proves that I'm actually not "dead" inside, but that I'm still as perfectly capable as ever to fall in love. Which up until this point, I kind of thought was out of the question, since my last three involvements with girls have been kind of .. pfft. Not that significant, you know? Well, of course they meant something. But I wasn't head over heels or anything. "You wear heels!? Oh, shush, I digress.

So. What happened last night was fucking terrible and I haven't cried like that in 3 years. But why should I sit here and whine and engross myself in sadness, when everything has blown over, and I'm left with what we begun with? I mean, of course there's some serious "commitment" to be demonstrated from the other side, but if she keeps her promises, I'll, or rather, we'll be fine. And I'm just so in love, so I can't help but just go with it and trust her. Mostly, because I'm pretty sure that she's aware of what will happen if she doesn't. And I suspect none of us are interested in that outcome.

So no more negativity! We have to move forward and I have a huge part in that (:
"Uuh, a smiley!" Yes, and now cut the schizophrenia!

Pour it out

When I was alone
My head kissed the ground
I was half the way down
treading the sand
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
Please lift a hand
I'm only a person

Never seen you act so shallow
Remembered all the things you'd say
how your promises went hollow
as you threw me to the ground
When I dream, I dream of your lips,
When I dream, I dream of your kiss

We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you
Someone tried to do me ache
It's what I'm afraid of
With hindsight, I was more than blind
lost without a clue

She wears her tears on her blouse
confused and racked with self-doubt
She stole the keys to my house heart
and then she locked herself out

Coming up beyond belief
On this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif
More chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel

Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could back fire
Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain

You let it come between us
It's just the second night
But I would break back nights for you
Here comes the morning after

It's in your reach
Concentrate
If you deny this
Then it's your fault

You're the one
Who makes me feel much taller than you are
I'm weightless, I'm bare
I'm faithless, I'm scared

I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
what happened to us, what happened to me,
I was alone, staring over the ledge,
trying my best not to forget,
all manner of joy, all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge
How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me,
and the consequences
I was confused, by the birds and the bees

It's far too sacred,
Don't ever fake it,
and don't let me down
Like you let me down before

I'm a jailbird to your music

Current mood: Weary
Listening to: Good Friday by CocoRosie

I'm so incredibly tired. Although I've been getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night for the last couple of nights, I feel drained. But that may just be because I'm not that used to getting up at 5.30 in the morning. And I guess it could easily be fixed if I went to sleep a bit earlier and got 8 hours? Oh well.

I feel great nonetheless. It feels absolutely fantastic getting up every morning and doing something, and having a steady income. I feared that I'd dread working in a stock room. But it's actually very pleasing in a way. I mean, whenever I get there, I know exactly what to do and it's no problem at all. It also helps a lot that I work alongside Karna and Cecilie. Karna is so funny! She cracks me up everyday with her freakish ultimatums. We pack clothes in boxes for Noa Noa, and I tell you, some of does clothes just look ridiculous. It's hard to imagine anyone looking good in them. Nonetheless, we ship a lot to the Netherlands, Sweden, Germany, Spain and so on. But we have a lot of fun while doing it. Like today, when Karna asked me this: "Would you rather wear this dress everyday for the rest of your life? Or fuck everyone who works here in the stockroom?" Haha ! And I tell you - that dress was hideous.
So .. Cecilie and I ended up answering the same: We'd go with the stock room workers. As long as there wasn't specified how long it had to last and that we'd also have the opportunity to be heavily influenced by alcohol for the duration of the sex, we'd have to endure.

Karna is just an expert in those ultimatums, where you almost find it impossible to choose. Like: "Which would you rather? Eat your pinky toe each day for the rest of your life, meaning that it would grow back every morning, and you'd have to eat it? Or. Wear Noa Noa clothes everyday for the rest of your life?" Haha. And again, remember! Those clothes which we are handling are very unflattering.
So of course I asked her if I could just blend the toe in with some lasagne! Oh, the horror.

Had it not been for work today, I would have been left feeling so flustered without any recess.

A case of love bipolar

Current mood: Completely thrown off balance
Listening to: My Life Without Me

So it's without question: I write much better lyrics when I'm in an upset state of mind. It may be because I'm way too critical when I'm content whereas when I'm upset I just let it all out, not caring what anyone would think: Because it's my feelings and feelings can't be wrong or right. They're just feelings.

I feel like Angus, when he throws a tantrum against Kit in Latecomer.
"You're the one who makes me feel like a fucking adolescent, because I'm so in love with you."

The world seems less terrible because she exists. All that, the palpitations, and the nerves .. the pain, the happiness, and the fear.
It sounds like a classic case of falling in love.

smoke is filling up the organ again

Current mood: Exhausted
Listening to: Deftones albums

We are warm and we are safe
When everything is quiet,
the ringing in our ears will be awfully

I'm getting very tired of the facts
that's why I'm cold and alone again
that's why I'm all on my own again

Oh no, I think I'm falling
Oh no, I think I'm fine
I saw the two collide

I lay in bed for days
I got my head caught underneath the ice
I didn't stand a chance

Well, I know that you are near
I have never felt so much
and I'd really like to feel that way again

A con

Current mood: Captivated
Listening to: Nineteen by Tegan and Sara

Urg. I was getting so good at not biting my nails. And now, because friday is moving closer, I can't stop! It's driving me nuts, especially because I don't even notice when I do it -_-

Other than that I'm actually freaking a bit out.
Because I'm behaving like a little teenager.
With heart and emotions running amok.
And this is something I have not been doing for the last two and a half years.

Her eyes, hands, touch, lips, gazes, sighs, kisses, everything unites with me, until we both collapse into each other.

How is it that the feeling of my heart being pulled back and forth in my chest, makes butterflies gain entry to under my skin?
My hands never shook like this before and I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from Parkinson's.

Body count

Also on September 7, 2007, I tried the cadaver calculator and I was told that my body in that current state would be worth $3750.00., if sold to science.

$3750.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth. From Mingle2 - Free Dating Site

Haha. And now that I just redid it:

$3350.00The Cadaver Calculator - Find out how much your body is worth.

I've gone down by $700! hahaha. I have no idea what it could be that changed the result.

Restricted

Haha! On September 7, 2007, I got my blog rated and the result was:



This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• fucking (2x)
• fuck (1x)

Now, almost a year later I got it rated again. And this time:



This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

• hell (4x)
• fucking (3x)
• fuck (2x)
• zombie (1x)

So awesome xD

Where does the good go?

Current mood: Enchanted
Listening to: Take Me Anywhere by Tegan and Sara

Apparently they go to Tønder.

Take me by the hand and tell me, you would take me anywhere.
And it goes, it's like a come on, come on to me.
I'm full of longing.

Damn it

Current mood: Gone pfft
Listening to: What A Difference A Day Makes by Sarah Vaughan

So I got a comment from someone saying that the film I have seen was a pirated "work print". This sucks. The girl who showed me the film and borrowed me her copy, said it was the real deal, as shown on film festivals. But after checking the website that the person provided, I can see how this is not the case, since the release date is september 2nd this year (which the person also stated). Oh well, this just means I don't have to work at the track list anymore, but just kick back, and wait for the dvd to be released (: Which is pretty awesome and hopefully a soundtrack will also be released ^^ Oh, it would be really cool if they would make some kind of deal where you could purchase the dvd and the soundtrack for some kind of special price :D

Here's to Wolfevideo.com !

Itty Bitty Titty Committee Soundtrack : track list

Current mood: Eager
Listening to: The Inch by Peaches

Okay, so when I first saw IBTC I couldn't help but drool because of all the amazing artists and the sweet tracks that were used. So naturally, when I was done watching the movie, I hurried to imdb.com for information on the soundtrack. But no. There was no track list posted. Damn .. Oh well, Google's my friend! BUT NO! I searched high and low, and a bit in the sides, but I could not for the life of me find any site that had the track list posted! And it's not like I think I'm some kind of "God of search engines", but I pride myself in being pretty much better than most people, when it comes to finding information via the interwebs (that being the people I'm surrounded by here, anyway).

But but but. Instead of throwing in the towel, I thought to hell with this! I'm gonna fucking find out myself then! So basically I've been watching IBTC again and again and again, listening to the lyrics being sung, writing them down, then searching for them on Google, until my eyes, ears and fingers were bleeding.

That being said, I'm not done. This is due to three things. First off, sometimes it's just really hard to hear what the hell is being sung, especially when there's talking during the song. Secondly, English is not my native lanuage, so I bet a person who has English as their first language would have a better ear for this sorta thing. Lastly, there are some parts of the movie where I have lyrics, but Google doesn't recognize them. Now this is a big problem. Because of this is due to the artists being rather unknown or just doesn't exist anymore, and never became that famous, then the situation seems pretty impossible for me. Although in this case I'm planning on posting these lyrics on riot grrrl forums and the like, and see if there should be anyone who could help me out.
Nevertheless, I'm going to post what I've found until now and then update as I progress.
Although I must confess I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that the official website hasn't posted the track list. You'd think they'd wanna promote the awesome music s:

Anyway, I'm gonna post what I've found in the following way: First off I'm gonna write where in the movie the song is. Then I'll of course indicate the track number of the song, but most importantly the artist and song. At the places where I haven't figured out who the artist is, I'm gonna post the lyrics when possible. Have I not even discovered the lyrics, I'll merely write at which part of the movie the song is.

The movie begins
01 Terrorist by Heavens To Betsy

Shuli and Sadie tell Anna what they're all about
02 lyrics "never wanted you" "have to say" "what you tell me"

Sadie gives Anna a zine, after they've been standing on the rooftop
03 lyrics "someone likes you/to" "I never have the feeling"

All the girls rush out of Zona's, so they won't get caught by the police
04

Aggie driving Anna, talking about how him and Sadie went to this band's concert
05 Don't Mix The Colours by Beat Happening

When the group is putting up 'sculptures' of Angela Davis and Emma Goldman
06 F.Y.I. by Le Tigre

When Anna is talking to Meat about her art
07 My Art by Le Tigre

When Meat tells Anna about how her and Sadie used to have a thing
08 Decide by Heavens to Betsy

Sadie and Anna talking about why Sadie's with Courtney
09 lyrics "she just wants to be" + "you just can't" + "are you ready for this sacrifice"

Sadie and Anna dancing at the club
10 Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill

Anna 'fixes' up the clinic and Maude discovers some info on tampons
11 lyrics "now every night" "we're the" "want to dance"

The girls set out on the roadtrip
12 Not What You Want by Sleater-Kinney

Calvin and Shuli talk about Don't Ask, Don't Tell
13 For Tammy Rae by Bikini Kill

Calvin + Shuli and Anna + Sadie have sex
14 The Inch by Peaches

Anna and Aggie get drunk and fool around
15 I Don't Give A Fuck by Peaches

And that's unfortunately all for now!

a•rach•no•pho•bi•a

Current mood: Panicking
Listening to: On The Verge by Le Tigre

|əˌræknəˈfoʊbiə|
noun
extreme or irrational fear of spiders.

extreme and irrational being the key words here folks.

I write this now, because I just nearly tossed my table with my computer and drink over, when suddenly panicking and thus felt the need to jump 10 feet into the air.
All of this because a spider found it's way to my couch and was prancing towards my knee in direction of my mac.

I loathe spiders. Just in case the previous scenario didn't quite get this across. I dread them. And this fucker was about 1,5 inch in diameter. Not big you say? Well, big enough to make me lose it. Even as I write this I am erratically twitching my head over my shoulder, jumpy, like a snitch about to be located. Only because I fear that one of these damn creatures will come to avenge the death of (what I fear to be) a beloved kindred.

Now that was clearly the irrational part of my fear. Now would be a good time to explain the traumatic event in my childhood that is the cause of this ludicrous phobia. Only there is none.

I have absolutely no idea why the hell I'm so scared of these damn bugs. I do know that my sister had this illogical fear also, so maybe she passed it on to me? Only she has gotten rid of most of hers - (damn her!) - so I feel a bit alone here. Also, I'm supposed to be this butchy and androgynous tomboy, so this really doesn't do much for my image. But to hell with it! I admit it, I'm deadly afraid of spiders!

So what I'm looking for is a femme who can be butch enough to protect me from these freaks of nature. Ideally, this wonder woman would not mind interrupting her activities in order to go out into the bathroom and remove a spider, so that my livelihood (red. bladder) could once again be secured.
Preferably this divinity would report to my apartment immediately, since my usual carefree state of mind has been broken down.

First thing in the morning, I am so vacuuming this whole place. Why do people have to sleep at 2 am anyway? pfft.

Silly little plant

Current mood: Tired
Listening to: Hellogoodbye

It's been hardly a moment and you are already missed. Say please do not go, but you know that I must. But you know you can trust. We'll be holding hands, all our broken plans I will mend. I will hold you tight so you know.
It's been hardly three days and I'm longing to feel your embrace. There are several days until I can see your sweet face. Wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be someday holding hands?All our broken plans will have been.
When I'm gone these words will be here to ease every fear and make it very clear.

Thinking oh, is it love?

Lesbian FTP

Current mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: My My Metrocard by Le Tigre

We seriously need to import some new lesbians here. It's like I said to my sister the other day: "I'm gonna be single until new lesbians hatch or some are imported. Not out of righteous choice really, but this is getting ridiculous!"

"No wonder there's so much drama!" I thought to myself after complaining for three days. "If we stopped dating our friends ex-girlfriends, the drama would be fairly less overwhelming."
Now I make it sound like everyone is recycling. And that's honestly not the case. It's mostly me. I think people are starting to reconsider, if they really want to introduce me to their new girlfriends. I'm really beginning to get a bad reputation when it comes to "snatching" friends girlfriends/ex-girlfriends.
Oh, I kid! I'm really not that bad. I'm no Shane - more like Alice really. Just not able to control my heart. Is there a condition where your brain switches off and your heart picks up the trail? Because then I sure have it. Although that's a bad excuse. Just sounds a lot more romantic, right? In reality, I would just much rather regret what I've done, than regret something I didn't do.

But now my first ex-girlfriend is involved with my third ex-girlfriend. And the first one is the only one I've been able to stay friends with, while I can't stand the third one. Also, clearly first ex deserves way better than third ex. Pfft. But who am I to judge? I just got out of a relationship with my former best friend's second ex girlfriend.
Confused yet?

I demand that new lesbians hatch or that we at least get some fine imported ones soon! Giddy-up, I say!

Uncomplicated

Current mood: Melting
Listening to: Look Out, Here They Come! : The L Word

Ah, I love watching The L Word again. It makes me feel like my own life isn't that complicated. Or at least I like seeing that I'm not the only who fucks up my life. Although I can't stop crying out: "No, Shane! Why! Haven't you learned anything!?", it makes me feel a lot better, knowing that I'm not the only one who fucks up and doesn't always learn from my mistakes. Relating to that, I would just like my life to slow down. NOW. I'm tired of all the drama and I need a break. I'd love for a boring slow period to come along right now, so my life could fall into a dull routine. That would be greeted with deep gratitude right about now.

Oh, and also I might post something later about the night I had yesterday. Preview: Absinthe + tequila x drunk girl = sudden shocking kiss attack. On me.

But for now, it's on to The L Word <3

Your hand in mine

Current mood: Infatuated
Listening to: We Start To Drift by Shipping News

There's a lot that I want to say, but my thoughts keep spinning around one person.

Apartment Story

Current mood: Lost in thought
Listening to: Mistaken For Strangers by The National

I was up all night again, boning up and reading the American dictionary. I know you put in the hours to keep me in sunglasses, I know.

Paradox

Current mood: Time zone confused
Listening to: Plastic Stars by Freezepop

So my sister proceeded her tricks yesterday and set up a most devious trap for me. Tsk! But oh well, we got a very good laugh out of it. I'm just so silly these days. Perhaps because I get way too little sleep or maybe because I'm acting like a little 13 year old. But really, I would have no trouble in visiting this amazing american girl I know, since I'm already on her time zone. Which is turning out to be quite the juggle project, since I'm also obligated to follow my own. I'm crazy being awake at 5 am in Denmark on a Wednesday, but perfectly fine by not sleeping at 10 pm in Texas on a Thuesday. Hence the 13 year old behavior, I'd say.
Oh, the entanglement!

I'd really love being in Waco, Texas right now. I'd just crash on the nearest bed and would wake up at the perfect time today. Haha, get it? 'Cause it's already .. here in .. Denmark? Oh, nevermind.

Anyway, my old apartment is being reviewed today, so I better get some sleep before that. And oh! I'm having breakfast with my dad in 6 hours ^^ so once again I'm gonna show up at the Coffee Bar (red. Kaffebaren) looking like a freakin' zombie. I seriously doubt that any of the staff thinks I'm human anymore.
Oooh, and I got to go to that fab gym today. No hot chicks though. But we knew the lady behind the counter! She's my brother's friend's girlfriend. That was crazy running into her there. But she's real nice. Kept asking me to remember to breathe, relax my shoulders and do Kegel exercises while training. Hahaha, I'm not really sure I want to do that lady, since .. well, that's kinda private, but noo Kegel exercises for me. I'm quite sure I won't be wetting the floor anytime soon : as she so elegantly mentioned, some elderly women do, because of weak pelvis muscles (or something like that - whaddo I know? I was trying to concentrate on training!)

Mental note: boost up to friday by training at home.

She's Your Cocaine

Current mood: Yearning
Listening to: She's Your Cocaine by Tori Amos

I have become so addicted once again. Luckily I don't have school anymore and I'm off from work this week. So I'm actually free to do what I want. But it's frustrating >_< and by sister said the most bewildering thing to me today, or rather yesterday, since it's 6.30 in the morning. I don't know why she doesn't understand that it isn't that simple! Maybe 'cause it's really not and I'm just driving myself nuts. But I totally forgot how thought consuming this was. Not how time consuming it is though. Mostly because I never minded.

*KISSES AND HUGS BLOGGER FRANTICALLY*

OmniWeb just crashed out of freakin' nowhere and I was ready to start screaming. But precious blogger autosaved the draft ^^ hee! Thank you blogger <3

Anyway. I just wish I had more opportunities! I want to do more than this. Even with how lovely everything is now, I'm greedy. I want moore! >_> meh.

Oh, btw! I broke up with Caroline on the 7th. Had it not been for some very special people, I would've stayed cynical and bitter for a lot longer. Girls are so FUCKED UP sometimes!%$#€!&!!!

But I really oughta go to bed quickly now - I have to go to 4 different offices tomorrow as in order to stay alive with this crappy economy at the moment. damnit! >_< afterwards I'm gonna go work out with my sister ^^ at this gym called No Men <3 haha. I think it's so funny. And after that we're gonna go clean my old apartment, so it's ready for the new owner (:

you know, I think american girls have some sort of magic, or .. perhaps just this one girl that I know <3

MMORPG

Current mood: Abstinent
Listening to: Social Studies substitute

Mature Men Online RolePlaying as Girls.

and

Making Money Off of Really Poor Gamers.

ZeroMobile

Current mood: Excited
Listening to: Girls And Boys by Pet Shop Boys

So there's this new cell company called . . yes, you guessed it! ZeroMobile. They're just your regular mobile company, but with the big difference that it's free! Money spent by texting, surfing and what ever you'd normally do with your cell, is paid by watching commercials. As a matter a fact, I'm writing this blog from my mobile, using their application Appetize. So without further ado, I'll try posting now, and see the result. One thing they need to work on though, for me to use this regularly, is making it possible to format the text.

Flesheater!

Current mood: Zombie
Listening to: Naturegeography lecture

All slow beta-rhythms and no REM sleep makes Plante a rotten zombie.

Mac frenzy

Current mood: Enthusiastic
Listening to: NCIS

I finally got my precious MacBook up and running again! ^^ But I had to bleed 137 bucks to get there. pheew. Those adapters are expensive s: I'll be sure never to make that fatal mistake again.
On another note, I often find myself completely absorbed in my Mac, always on the expense of the people who text me. Because of that, I would really love to have a way of connecting my cell to my Mac, in the same way as I do my iPod, so my Mac would ping me whenever I got a message on my cell. Even further I would love to have the ability to answer back via my Mac, without any cost, but just as if I had picked up my cell and done it the old T9 way.

Someone invent this! Hmm. On second thought maybe it has already been invented? I must search! But first: Cigarettes must be bought before closing time.

Cheeze

Current mood: A bit sleepy
Listening to: Numb3rs

So, as part of my updating on OkCupid, I have now deleted a lot of my taken tests and only kept the ones I found interesting enough to retake. Which brings me to this evenings test: The Which Musician Am I?. It was taken on June 19th, 2005 and I got the result: Jeff Buckley. But now, almost three years later I'll see if it has changed (: I should mention that the test determents which modern day musician I'm most likened to.

Hedonism

Current mood: Alright
Listening to: Flashdance

Can a masochist also be a hedonist? Since a hedonist strives to maximize the total pleasure, in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain they produce : pleasure minus pain.

So how about it?

72

Current mood: Pfft.
Listening to: The Simpsons

Tsk. So I retook the test and got a 72, which seems pretty 'mjah' considering my old score was 73 s: oh well, Hufflepuff isn't that bad.

50/50

Current mood: Fine
Listening to: Sex & The City

Alright, so tomorrow, first thing after school it's mac adapter shopping time! Right now I'm borrowing my dad's windoze laptop. For surfing it's acceptable, but I just can't get the same work done, as easily, as I can on my beloved mac. But this laptop will hopefully get me through school tomorrow.

Anyway, as I am updating my OkCupid, I will now poste my score on the The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test, retake it and then poste the new score. Assuming there's any change of course (: This is from November 25, 2007:

Hufflepuff! The Sorting Hat has spoken! You've got 73 House Points!

Head of House: Professor Sprout House Colors: Yellow and Black House Animal: The Badger Hufflepuff chose the students everyone else didnt want. Or those who didn't fit too easily into any category. Those who were cunning, but not ambitious. Those who were hardworking, though perhaps not TOO brave. Good people none the less. You are most likely the friend everyone would like to have, loyal, trustworthy, hardworking. Love sports too! You are cool in my book. The majority of people will wind up right here with you, so chances are, you will make some great friends! Some students of Hufflepuff include... Susan Bones, Justin Flinch-Fletchley, and Cedric Diggory.

This test tracked 1 variable. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 69% on House Points

Link: Hogwarts-Sorting-Hat<-b>'>The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test written by Demeratus on Ok Cupid View My Profile(Demeratus)

NOOOOOOOOOOO !

Current mood: Destroyed
Listening to: Cursing at myself

No no no no no no !!!!!! My adapter is broken! no no no no no. IDIOT! The cord has melted! And it's all my fault! noooooo. If there isn't a single of the electronic stores that are open today, I'm going to be really sad >_<

OH GOD! I just checked. There aren't any tech stores open today! Noooo. This fucking sucks! *sigh* oh well. At least I don't have school tomorrow, so I'll be able to get a new one, FIRST thing in the morning. I'm such an idiot s:

Comme ci, comme ça continued: Don Juan?

Oh no. This does not sound good s: How did this happen? I even retook the taste, just to be completely sure that I hadn't rushed through it. Jeez. I especially don't like the picture >_< The description sounds alarmingly like the female Don Juan syndrome that my sister told me about. So that's just great, isn't it!? s:
I've gone from The Window Shopper to The Nurse and now finally:

The Sudden Departure Random Brutal Love Master (RBLM) Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. You are The Sudden Departure. You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries. We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor girls eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose. Your exact female opposite: The Intern Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer Always avoid: The Intern (DGSD), The Maid of Honor (DGLM) Consider: The Sudden Departure (RBLM), someone just like you

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - dating services My profile name: : plante

Comme ci, comme ça

Current mood: Nonchalant
Listening to: The Snakepit by The Cure

Finally I have my internet back!! Eureka ! So I have been messing round on the different community sites that I'm a member of, trying to reply all of the messages I've been getting for the past 6 months. Pheew. But what I really wanted to do with today's blog was to post my The Dating Persona Test from the 18th of September 2007 and then retake it, to compare and see if I've changed. So here we go:

The Nurse Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSD) Friendly and eager. Sexy in white. You are The Nurse. Like your male counterpart, The Poolboy, you're a fun and goofy, but giving, friend. You believe that life and love should be taken with a grain of salt. We'll bet you smile a lot, which people find contagious. If only they knew the reason...the fact is, you spend WAY more time fantasizing than the average girl. While your friends lean desperately towards love, you're chemically biased towards anti-love: sex. You'd never date someone you didn't find immediately kissable. To maximize satisfaction, you should find someone carefree and sexual, just like you. Avoid Brutal types at all costs. A final bit of advice: experience doesn't matter. You didn't qualify as a Master, and your perfect match need not either. Your exact female opposite: The Battleaxe Deliberate Brutal Love Master Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM), The Nymph (DBSD) Consider: The Nurse (RGSD), The Playstation (RGSM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - dating services My profile name: : plante

oh .

Current mood: Tired
Listening to: Social studies lecture

Happy new year! Oh, and merry christmas!

I have neglected this blog shamefully s: but here's the thing: it's really hard updating regularly when you have no internet at home. And that is exactly the point: I have no internet. For some strange reason, I got cut off. When I get the spare time, I'll have to contact my contractor and ask what the hell is going on. Nevertheless, I haven't been updating for a good part of the time when I had internet in my apartment. So this is purely a human error on my part /:

But let's get to the good stuff! At the end of february last year, I decided that I would stay single for a year. "But why!?" you may ask. Some may not even bother with the "why" but quickly move on to the "how?". This is due to the fact that I haven't been able to stay single for long periods of time. Therefore, after I broke it off with my last partner, I decided that this was the time to make a commitment to myself and stay single for a year. And so I did ! or .. almost! I stayed single for 10 months and 3 weeks ! But last friday I decided that I couldn't possibly stay single for a year, since I met this amazing girl. We had been dating for over a month and it was on the 10th date I asked her. So even though I didn't make it to a whole year, I'm very pleased with my effort, and absolutely happy with how my life is now, with my sweet and lovely Caroline.