Listening to: Into Dust by Mazzy Star
Watching: Foxfire
I'm not okay, I can't wait for years and years. I'm totally freaking out, I can't be inside this body!
I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
So We Could Deal
Current mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: My Love (JT cover) by Tender Forever
Okay, so I've been thinking. "Why, really?" Yes, now shut up.
Instead of sitting here feeling oh so sorry for myself, I should just move on. So I got my heart broken, and yes it was for the first time in 3 years, but seriously. I should be kind of happy to know that it CAN be broken. This proves that I'm actually not "dead" inside, but that I'm still as perfectly capable as ever to fall in love. Which up until this point, I kind of thought was out of the question, since my last three involvements with girls have been kind of .. pfft. Not that significant, you know? Well, of course they meant something. But I wasn't head over heels or anything. "You wear heels!? Oh, shush, I digress.
So. What happened last night was fucking terrible and I haven't cried like that in 3 years. But why should I sit here and whine and engross myself in sadness, when everything has blown over, and I'm left with what we begun with? I mean, of course there's some serious "commitment" to be demonstrated from the other side, but if she keeps her promises, I'll, or rather, we'll be fine. And I'm just so in love, so I can't help but just go with it and trust her. Mostly, because I'm pretty sure that she's aware of what will happen if she doesn't. And I suspect none of us are interested in that outcome.
So no more negativity! We have to move forward and I have a huge part in that (:
"Uuh, a smiley!" Yes, and now cut the schizophrenia!
Listening to: My Love (JT cover) by Tender Forever
Okay, so I've been thinking. "Why, really?" Yes, now shut up.
Instead of sitting here feeling oh so sorry for myself, I should just move on. So I got my heart broken, and yes it was for the first time in 3 years, but seriously. I should be kind of happy to know that it CAN be broken. This proves that I'm actually not "dead" inside, but that I'm still as perfectly capable as ever to fall in love. Which up until this point, I kind of thought was out of the question, since my last three involvements with girls have been kind of .. pfft. Not that significant, you know? Well, of course they meant something. But I wasn't head over heels or anything. "You wear heels!? Oh, shush, I digress.
So. What happened last night was fucking terrible and I haven't cried like that in 3 years. But why should I sit here and whine and engross myself in sadness, when everything has blown over, and I'm left with what we begun with? I mean, of course there's some serious "commitment" to be demonstrated from the other side, but if she keeps her promises, I'll, or rather, we'll be fine. And I'm just so in love, so I can't help but just go with it and trust her. Mostly, because I'm pretty sure that she's aware of what will happen if she doesn't. And I suspect none of us are interested in that outcome.
So no more negativity! We have to move forward and I have a huge part in that (:
"Uuh, a smiley!" Yes, and now cut the schizophrenia!
Pour it out
When I was alone
My head kissed the ground
I was half the way down
treading the sand
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
Please lift a hand
I'm only a person
Never seen you act so shallow
Remembered all the things you'd say
how your promises went hollow
as you threw me to the ground
When I dream, I dream of your lips,
When I dream, I dream of your kiss
We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you
Someone tried to do me ache
It's what I'm afraid of
With hindsight, I was more than blind
lost without a clue
She wears her tears on her blouse
confused and racked with self-doubt
She stole the keys to myhouse heart
and then she locked herself out
Coming up beyond belief
On this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif
More chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel
Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could back fire
Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain
You let it come between us
It's just the second night
But I would break back nights for you
Here comes the morning after
It's in your reach
Concentrate
If you deny this
Then it's your fault
You're the one
Who makes me feel much taller than you are
I'm weightless, I'm bare
I'm faithless, I'm scared
I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
what happened to us, what happened to me,
I was alone, staring over the ledge,
trying my best not to forget,
all manner of joy, all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge
How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me,
and the consequences
I was confused, by the birds and the bees
It's far too sacred,
Don't ever fake it,
and don't let me down
Like you let me down before
My head kissed the ground
I was half the way down
treading the sand
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
Please lift a hand
I'm only a person
Never seen you act so shallow
Remembered all the things you'd say
how your promises went hollow
as you threw me to the ground
When I dream, I dream of your lips,
When I dream, I dream of your kiss
We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you
Someone tried to do me ache
It's what I'm afraid of
With hindsight, I was more than blind
lost without a clue
She wears her tears on her blouse
confused and racked with self-doubt
She stole the keys to my
and then she locked herself out
Coming up beyond belief
On this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif
More chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel
Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could back fire
Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain
You let it come between us
It's just the second night
But I would break back nights for you
Here comes the morning after
It's in your reach
Concentrate
If you deny this
Then it's your fault
You're the one
Who makes me feel much taller than you are
I'm weightless, I'm bare
I'm faithless, I'm scared
I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
what happened to us, what happened to me,
I was alone, staring over the ledge,
trying my best not to forget,
all manner of joy, all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge
How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me,
and the consequences
I was confused, by the birds and the bees
It's far too sacred,
Don't ever fake it,
and don't let me down
Like you let me down before
Tuesday, August 26, 2008
I'm a jailbird to your music
Current mood: Weary
Listening to: Good Friday by CocoRosie
I'm so incredibly tired. Although I've been getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night for the last couple of nights, I feel drained. But that may just be because I'm not that used to getting up at 5.30 in the morning. And I guess it could easily be fixed if I went to sleep a bit earlier and got 8 hours? Oh well.
I feel great nonetheless. It feels absolutely fantastic getting up every morning and doing something, and having a steady income. I feared that I'd dread working in a stock room. But it's actually very pleasing in a way. I mean, whenever I get there, I know exactly what to do and it's no problem at all. It also helps a lot that I work alongside Karna and Cecilie. Karna is so funny! She cracks me up everyday with her freakish ultimatums. We pack clothes in boxes for Noa Noa, and I tell you, some of does clothes just look ridiculous. It's hard to imagine anyone looking good in them. Nonetheless, we ship a lot to the Netherlands, Sweden, Germany, Spain and so on. But we have a lot of fun while doing it. Like today, when Karna asked me this: "Would you rather wear this dress everyday for the rest of your life? Or fuck everyone who works here in the stockroom?" Haha ! And I tell you - that dress was hideous.
So .. Cecilie and I ended up answering the same: We'd go with the stock room workers. As long as there wasn't specified how long it had to last and that we'd also have the opportunity to be heavily influenced by alcohol for the duration of the sex, we'd have to endure.
Karna is just an expert in those ultimatums, where you almost find it impossible to choose. Like: "Which would you rather? Eat your pinky toe each day for the rest of your life, meaning that it would grow back every morning, and you'd have to eat it? Or. Wear Noa Noa clothes everyday for the rest of your life?" Haha. And again, remember! Those clothes which we are handling are very unflattering.
So of course I asked her if I could just blend the toe in with some lasagne! Oh, the horror.
Had it not been for work today, I would have been left feeling so flustered without any recess.
Listening to: Good Friday by CocoRosie
I'm so incredibly tired. Although I've been getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night for the last couple of nights, I feel drained. But that may just be because I'm not that used to getting up at 5.30 in the morning. And I guess it could easily be fixed if I went to sleep a bit earlier and got 8 hours? Oh well.
I feel great nonetheless. It feels absolutely fantastic getting up every morning and doing something, and having a steady income. I feared that I'd dread working in a stock room. But it's actually very pleasing in a way. I mean, whenever I get there, I know exactly what to do and it's no problem at all. It also helps a lot that I work alongside Karna and Cecilie. Karna is so funny! She cracks me up everyday with her freakish ultimatums. We pack clothes in boxes for Noa Noa, and I tell you, some of does clothes just look ridiculous. It's hard to imagine anyone looking good in them. Nonetheless, we ship a lot to the Netherlands, Sweden, Germany, Spain and so on. But we have a lot of fun while doing it. Like today, when Karna asked me this: "Would you rather wear this dress everyday for the rest of your life? Or fuck everyone who works here in the stockroom?" Haha ! And I tell you - that dress was hideous.
So .. Cecilie and I ended up answering the same: We'd go with the stock room workers. As long as there wasn't specified how long it had to last and that we'd also have the opportunity to be heavily influenced by alcohol for the duration of the sex, we'd have to endure.
Karna is just an expert in those ultimatums, where you almost find it impossible to choose. Like: "Which would you rather? Eat your pinky toe each day for the rest of your life, meaning that it would grow back every morning, and you'd have to eat it? Or. Wear Noa Noa clothes everyday for the rest of your life?" Haha. And again, remember! Those clothes which we are handling are very unflattering.
So of course I asked her if I could just blend the toe in with some lasagne! Oh, the horror.
Had it not been for work today, I would have been left feeling so flustered without any recess.
Monday, August 25, 2008
A case of love bipolar
Current mood: Completely thrown off balance
Listening to: My Life Without Me
So it's without question: I write much better lyrics when I'm in an upset state of mind. It may be because I'm way too critical when I'm content whereas when I'm upset I just let it all out, not caring what anyone would think: Because it's my feelings and feelings can't be wrong or right. They're just feelings.
I feel like Angus, when he throws a tantrum against Kit in Latecomer.
"You're the one who makes me feel like a fucking adolescent, because I'm so in love with you."
The world seems less terrible because she exists. All that, the palpitations, and the nerves .. the pain, the happiness, and the fear.
It sounds like a classic case of falling in love.
Listening to: My Life Without Me
So it's without question: I write much better lyrics when I'm in an upset state of mind. It may be because I'm way too critical when I'm content whereas when I'm upset I just let it all out, not caring what anyone would think: Because it's my feelings and feelings can't be wrong or right. They're just feelings.
I feel like Angus, when he throws a tantrum against Kit in Latecomer.
"You're the one who makes me feel like a fucking adolescent, because I'm so in love with you."
The world seems less terrible because she exists. All that, the palpitations, and the nerves .. the pain, the happiness, and the fear.
It sounds like a classic case of falling in love.
Sunday, August 24, 2008
smoke is filling up the organ again
Current mood: Exhausted
Listening to: Deftones albums
We are warm and we are safe
When everything is quiet,
the ringing in our ears will be awfully
I'm getting very tired of the facts
that's why I'm cold and alone again
that's why I'm all on my own again
Oh no, I think I'm falling
Oh no, I think I'm fine
I saw the two collide
I lay in bed for days
I got my head caught underneath the ice
I didn't stand a chance
Well, I know that you are near
I have never felt so much
and I'd really like to feel that way again
Listening to: Deftones albums
We are warm and we are safe
When everything is quiet,
the ringing in our ears will be awful
I'm getting very tired of the facts
that's why I'm cold and alone again
that's why I'm all on my own again
Oh no, I think I'm falling
Oh no, I think I'm fine
I saw the two collide
I lay in bed for days
I got my head caught underneath the ice
I didn't stand a chance
Well, I know that you are near
I have never felt so much
and I'd really like to feel that way again
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
A con
Current mood: Captivated
Listening to: Nineteen by Tegan and Sara
Urg. I was getting so good at not biting my nails. And now, because friday is moving closer, I can't stop! It's driving me nuts, especially because I don't even notice when I do it -_-
Other than that I'm actually freaking a bit out.
Because I'm behaving like a little teenager.
With heart and emotions running amok.
And this is something I have not been doing for the last two and a half years.
Her eyes, hands, touch, lips, gazes, sighs, kisses, everything unites with me, until we both collapse into each other.
How is it that the feeling of my heart being pulled back and forth in my chest, makes butterflies gain entry to under my skin?
My hands never shook like this before and I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from Parkinson's.
Listening to: Nineteen by Tegan and Sara
Urg. I was getting so good at not biting my nails. And now, because friday is moving closer, I can't stop! It's driving me nuts, especially because I don't even notice when I do it -_-
Other than that I'm actually freaking a bit out.
Because I'm behaving like a little teenager.
With heart and emotions running amok.
And this is something I have not been doing for the last two and a half years.
Her eyes, hands, touch, lips, gazes, sighs, kisses, everything unites with me, until we both collapse into each other.
How is it that the feeling of my heart being pulled back and forth in my chest, makes butterflies gain entry to under my skin?
My hands never shook like this before and I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from Parkinson's.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Body count
Also on September 7, 2007, I tried the cadaver calculator and I was told that my body in that current state would be worth $3750.00., if sold to science.
Haha. And now that I just redid it:
$3350.00
I've gone down by $700! hahaha. I have no idea what it could be that changed the result.
Haha. And now that I just redid it:
$3350.00
I've gone down by $700! hahaha. I have no idea what it could be that changed the result.
Restricted
Haha! On September 7, 2007, I got my blog rated and the result was:
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
Now, almost a year later I got it rated again. And this time:
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
So awesome xD
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
- fucking (2x)
- fuck (1x)
Now, almost a year later I got it rated again. And this time:
This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:
- hell (4x)
- fucking (3x)
- fuck (2x)
- zombie (1x)
So awesome xD
Where does the good go?
Current mood: Enchanted
Listening to: Take Me Anywhere by Tegan and Sara
Apparently they go to Tønder.
Take me by the hand and tell me, you would take me anywhere.
And it goes, it's like a come on, come on to me.
I'm full of longing.
Listening to: Take Me Anywhere by Tegan and Sara
Apparently they go to Tønder.
Take me by the hand and tell me, you would take me anywhere.
And it goes, it's like a come on, come on to me.
I'm full of longing.
Sunday, August 03, 2008
Damn it
Current mood: Gone pfft
Listening to: What A Difference A Day Makes by Sarah Vaughan
So I got a comment from someone saying that the film I have seen was a pirated "work print". This sucks. The girl who showed me the film and borrowed me her copy, said it was the real deal, as shown on film festivals. But after checking the website that the person provided, I can see how this is not the case, since the release date is september 2nd this year (which the person also stated). Oh well, this just means I don't have to work at the track list anymore, but just kick back, and wait for the dvd to be released (: Which is pretty awesome and hopefully a soundtrack will also be released ^^ Oh, it would be really cool if they would make some kind of deal where you could purchase the dvd and the soundtrack for some kind of special price :D
Here's to Wolfevideo.com !
Listening to: What A Difference A Day Makes by Sarah Vaughan
So I got a comment from someone saying that the film I have seen was a pirated "work print". This sucks. The girl who showed me the film and borrowed me her copy, said it was the real deal, as shown on film festivals. But after checking the website that the person provided, I can see how this is not the case, since the release date is september 2nd this year (which the person also stated). Oh well, this just means I don't have to work at the track list anymore, but just kick back, and wait for the dvd to be released (: Which is pretty awesome and hopefully a soundtrack will also be released ^^ Oh, it would be really cool if they would make some kind of deal where you could purchase the dvd and the soundtrack for some kind of special price :D
Here's to Wolfevideo.com !
Friday, August 01, 2008
Itty Bitty Titty Committee Soundtrack : track list
Current mood: Eager
Listening to: The Inch by Peaches
Okay, so when I first saw IBTC I couldn't help but drool because of all the amazing artists and the sweet tracks that were used. So naturally, when I was done watching the movie, I hurried to imdb.com for information on the soundtrack. But no. There was no track list posted. Damn .. Oh well, Google's my friend! BUT NO! I searched high and low, and a bit in the sides, but I could not for the life of me find any site that had the track list posted! And it's not like I think I'm some kind of "God of search engines", but I pride myself in being pretty much better than most people, when it comes to finding information via the interwebs (that being the people I'm surrounded by here, anyway).
But but but. Instead of throwing in the towel, I thought to hell with this! I'm gonna fucking find out myself then! So basically I've been watching IBTC again and again and again, listening to the lyrics being sung, writing them down, then searching for them on Google, until my eyes, ears and fingers were bleeding.
That being said, I'm not done. This is due to three things. First off, sometimes it's just really hard to hear what the hell is being sung, especially when there's talking during the song. Secondly, English is not my native lanuage, so I bet a person who has English as their first language would have a better ear for this sorta thing. Lastly, there are some parts of the movie where I have lyrics, but Google doesn't recognize them. Now this is a big problem. Because of this is due to the artists being rather unknown or just doesn't exist anymore, and never became that famous, then the situation seems pretty impossible for me. Although in this case I'm planning on posting these lyrics on riot grrrl forums and the like, and see if there should be anyone who could help me out.
Nevertheless, I'm going to post what I've found until now and then update as I progress.
Although I must confess I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that the official website hasn't posted the track list. You'd think they'd wanna promote the awesome music s:
Anyway, I'm gonna post what I've found in the following way: First off I'm gonna write where in the movie the song is. Then I'll of course indicate the track number of the song, but most importantly the artist and song. At the places where I haven't figured out who the artist is, I'm gonna post the lyrics when possible. Have I not even discovered the lyrics, I'll merely write at which part of the movie the song is.
The movie begins
01 Terrorist by Heavens To Betsy
Shuli and Sadie tell Anna what they're all about
02 lyrics "never wanted you" "have to say" "what you tell me"
Sadie gives Anna a zine, after they've been standing on the rooftop
03 lyrics "someone likes you/to" "I never have the feeling"
All the girls rush out of Zona's, so they won't get caught by the police
04
Aggie driving Anna, talking about how him and Sadie went to this band's concert
05 Don't Mix The Colours by Beat Happening
When the group is putting up 'sculptures' of Angela Davis and Emma Goldman
06 F.Y.I. by Le Tigre
When Anna is talking to Meat about her art
07 My Art by Le Tigre
When Meat tells Anna about how her and Sadie used to have a thing
08 Decide by Heavens to Betsy
Sadie and Anna talking about why Sadie's with Courtney
09 lyrics "she just wants to be" + "you just can't" + "are you ready for this sacrifice"
Sadie and Anna dancing at the club
10 Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill
Anna 'fixes' up the clinic and Maude discovers some info on tampons
11 lyrics "now every night" "we're the" "want to dance"
The girls set out on the roadtrip
12 Not What You Want by Sleater-Kinney
Calvin and Shuli talk about Don't Ask, Don't Tell
13 For Tammy Rae by Bikini Kill
Calvin + Shuli and Anna + Sadie have sex
14 The Inch by Peaches
Anna and Aggie get drunk and fool around
15 I Don't Give A Fuck by Peaches
And that's unfortunately all for now!
Listening to: The Inch by Peaches
Okay, so when I first saw IBTC I couldn't help but drool because of all the amazing artists and the sweet tracks that were used. So naturally, when I was done watching the movie, I hurried to imdb.com for information on the soundtrack. But no. There was no track list posted. Damn .. Oh well, Google's my friend! BUT NO! I searched high and low, and a bit in the sides, but I could not for the life of me find any site that had the track list posted! And it's not like I think I'm some kind of "God of search engines", but I pride myself in being pretty much better than most people, when it comes to finding information via the interwebs (that being the people I'm surrounded by here, anyway).
But but but. Instead of throwing in the towel, I thought to hell with this! I'm gonna fucking find out myself then! So basically I've been watching IBTC again and again and again, listening to the lyrics being sung, writing them down, then searching for them on Google, until my eyes, ears and fingers were bleeding.
That being said, I'm not done. This is due to three things. First off, sometimes it's just really hard to hear what the hell is being sung, especially when there's talking during the song. Secondly, English is not my native lanuage, so I bet a person who has English as their first language would have a better ear for this sorta thing. Lastly, there are some parts of the movie where I have lyrics, but Google doesn't recognize them. Now this is a big problem. Because of this is due to the artists being rather unknown or just doesn't exist anymore, and never became that famous, then the situation seems pretty impossible for me. Although in this case I'm planning on posting these lyrics on riot grrrl forums and the like, and see if there should be anyone who could help me out.
Nevertheless, I'm going to post what I've found until now and then update as I progress.
Although I must confess I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that the official website hasn't posted the track list. You'd think they'd wanna promote the awesome music s:
Anyway, I'm gonna post what I've found in the following way: First off I'm gonna write where in the movie the song is. Then I'll of course indicate the track number of the song, but most importantly the artist and song. At the places where I haven't figured out who the artist is, I'm gonna post the lyrics when possible. Have I not even discovered the lyrics, I'll merely write at which part of the movie the song is.
The movie begins
01 Terrorist by Heavens To Betsy
Shuli and Sadie tell Anna what they're all about
02 lyrics "never wanted you" "have to say" "what you tell me"
Sadie gives Anna a zine, after they've been standing on the rooftop
03 lyrics "someone likes you/to" "I never have the feeling"
All the girls rush out of Zona's, so they won't get caught by the police
04
Aggie driving Anna, talking about how him and Sadie went to this band's concert
05 Don't Mix The Colours by Beat Happening
When the group is putting up 'sculptures' of Angela Davis and Emma Goldman
06 F.Y.I. by Le Tigre
When Anna is talking to Meat about her art
07 My Art by Le Tigre
When Meat tells Anna about how her and Sadie used to have a thing
08 Decide by Heavens to Betsy
Sadie and Anna talking about why Sadie's with Courtney
09 lyrics "she just wants to be" + "you just can't" + "are you ready for this sacrifice"
Sadie and Anna dancing at the club
10 Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill
Anna 'fixes' up the clinic and Maude discovers some info on tampons
11 lyrics "now every night" "we're the" "want to dance"
The girls set out on the roadtrip
12 Not What You Want by Sleater-Kinney
Calvin and Shuli talk about Don't Ask, Don't Tell
13 For Tammy Rae by Bikini Kill
Calvin + Shuli and Anna + Sadie have sex
14 The Inch by Peaches
Anna and Aggie get drunk and fool around
15 I Don't Give A Fuck by Peaches
And that's unfortunately all for now!
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