»Beautiful garbage . .«

Sweet nicotine

2009-01-25T03:16:00.003+01:00

Current mood: Addicted
Listening to: King Of The World by Porcelain And The Tramps

I haven't smoked a cigarette in 89 days. Which means that on the 11th of january, I won't have inhaled that precious nicotine for 13 weeks. Did I quit cold turkey, from one day to the other? Yes. Was it easy? No. There were definitely withdrawals happening in the first week. But that was only physical withdrawals. After that first week, it was all about the psychological withdrawals, which was in a way, much more harder. At least I felt like I could control the physical aspect of myself, whereas the psychological withdrawals were not as easy to get rid off.

Nonetheless I am a non-smoker right now. The physical withdrawals have stopped long ago, but the psychological have not, and I wonder if they ever will. I stopped because of surgery, but have "permission" to start again at about the 10th of march.

Right now, as I am writing this (and this even being in an intoxicated state), I don't feel the need to have a cigarette. Or. Perhaps a bit (is anything else possible, when hearing Porcelain?). But one thing is for sure: If I don't feel the need to smoke at march the 10th, then I of course won't. But. If I do. Then I will have a cigarette. Bcause I decided a long time ago that if something makes me happy, more than it harms me, then I'll do it. So if that means that I'll only live 'til 70 years, instead of 80, then I'll gladly take it, because that'll mean I lived my life to the fullest. At least it'll mean that to me.

Current mood: Addicted
Listening to: Gasoline by Porcelain And The Tramps

C-c-c-c-c-cocaine jeopardy

2008-10-29T16:24:00.003+01:00

Current mood: Craving
Listening to: Liar (It Takes One To Know One) by Taking Back Sunday

Nicotine, Valium, Vicodin, Marijuana, Ecstasy and Alcohol.

I'll take Marijuana to $200, Alcohol to $400, and a cancerstick to $1000 !

Multiple Intelligences: A year later

2008-10-29T15:51:00.003+01:00

So, a little over a year ago I took the Multiple Intelligences test, and got results which I found pretty realistic.
So I thought I'd try it once again, and see if it was any different - which it was, but not much.

Linguistic (Word Smart)
My score here is a bit higher now. A year ago it was 20, now it's 21. Not much of difference, but at least it hasn't worsened, eh?

Logical (Number Smart)
Now here's been a bit more of a significant change. A year ago I got a 9 and now I got a 7. Still not much, but it's noticeable, when comparing the charts.

Interpersonal (People Smart)
Like my w0rt smartz, I've gained a point here, from 20 to 21. Awesome, aiight?

Intrapersonal (Myself Smart)
w000t. From 20 to 16! Now this sucks y'all!
I*d like to think that the test was wrong on this one though. Since I know for a fact that I've gotten wiser about myself and my behavior patterns. Oh well, can't win 'em all, huh?

Musical (Music Smart)
From 18 to 21! woohoo. Other than the fact that this is pretty awesome, I really don't know what to do with it?
As long as I'm too shy to play for anyone, I won't be ricking out on a stage anytime soon. Haha. But I suppose I could be the famous musicians' lyrics genius?

Visual/Spatial (Picture Smart)
From 16 to 18 - Well, that's just clever, ain't it? Not really something you can brag about though. 'Cause I sure ain't going to be painting no pictures for y'all to see.

Naturalistic (Nature Smart)
One point raise, from 15 to 16. Not sure what to make of this. Yes, I do "like the world of plants and animals" but I wouldn't say that I'm just as eager in "learning about them."

Kinaesthestic (Body Smart)
Apparently, I've also gotten better in this area, with a raise from 8 to 10. Oh well, I suppose that's quite cool.

An agnostic point of view

2008-10-27T04:48:00.006+01:00

Current mood: Open-minded
Listening to: Youtube

I just watched this very interesting video, which I really liked and found thought-provoking. The video is called 10 questions that every intelligent Christian must answer and has at this moment had 3,376,444 views. Now I'd like to post it, since I found it very intriguing, but also make some comments to it afterwards though.

Now. As stated, I enjoyed the video. But I'm not completely at ease with the narrator describing religious people as delusional.

delusion |diˈloō zh ən|
noun
an idiosyncratic belief or impression that is firmly maintained despite being contradicted by what is generally accepted as reality or rational argument, typically a symptom of mental disorder.

I have some trouble with this, because at the end of the video, the narrator states two things, which bothers me somewhat:

"Your religious beliefs hurt you personally and hurt us as a species because they are delusional."

I can easily see how some religious beliefs might hurt a lot of people world wide. Since I am a lesbian, I have experienced this firsthand. But I think he's generalizing way too much, because even though I'm a firm believer in agnosticism, I know that the notion of a god brings a lot of hope and light into a lot of peoples lives. Because even though religious beliefs are built on an illusion, from this point of view, how could this ever hurt us as a species?
The only thing that hurts us as a species is when religious extremists force their way of thinking on to everyone else. But I don't believe that this is something solely restricted to religion, but in general represents anyone who hold opinions, which they try and impose on everybody else.
I do however see the dilemma with this one.

"The belief in any "god" is complete nonsense."

To proclaim that a persons belief in any god is nonsense, seems so very disrespectful to me. I think it is degrading religious people to mindless clowns, which for a lot of cases is true (I'll come back to this further down), but making a generalization like that is hurtful to a lot of loving people, who happen to be religious. I feel like the belief in a higher being is a wonderful thing, even though I'm not able to believe. Now I write this, while thinking of circumstances like sickness, hardship and suffering of any kind. And I seem to remember a study which explained how especially sickness, is very likely to worsen, when the bearer gives up on hope and just settles in negativity. For many people, a belief in a loving god helps them through times such as sickness, and keeps their spirits up. Now I may not remember correctly about this study, but it just came to mind. So bear with me. Also, I'm not saying that this is exclusively limited to religion. Some people are able to keep up their hopes and spirits, without the belief of a higher being. Kudos to them.

Now all of this is just my opinion and as I stated initially, I like the video. But I really believe that people should be entitled to their own religious beliefs, without being looked upon as lesser beings. Again, stating this, comes with some exceptions, since there are some religious people who I consider to be quite delusional. But this is not due to their religious beliefs per se, but more so due to their behavior, which they explain with their religion. I'm not sure that quite conveys my thoughts to the extend I intented, but I can't think of another way to express it.
One of my very good friends is a Christian and to even consider her being looked upon as a lesser being, because of her believing in God, saddens me a great deal. She's a really great person and doesn't force her personal belief on anyone. At the beginning of our relationship, I confronted her with the apparent issue, between my homosexuality and her religious beliefs. Without hesitation, she looked me right in the eye and said this: "I am a Christian and therefore it is not my business to judge anyone. That is something only entitled to God and he will look upon us all, when we are standing at the gates of Heaven."
I often think of that statement and wish every Christian was like her. She has the amazing ability to look at people and recognize them for who they are - not letting words written by prejudiced men, control her outlook on the world. I can't comprehend how she is able to believe in God, with all the contradictions, but she once told me that she had at one time felt a divine presence, and this sealed her faith in Jesus Christ. I don't understand it and I can't imagine what that would be like at all, but I accept it. Because just as I can't apprehend her faith, she can't comprehend why I have feelings towards women. And this is what I think is important - tolerance. If she and I weren't tolerant, we wouldn't be able to be friends, but because we are, we're capable of enlightening each others horizons.

Rebel rebel

2008-10-24T00:06:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Jolly

Oh, if dreams could come true!

Terry Tate: From Russia With Love

Terry Tate: Reading Is Fundamental

Well, aren't you clever?

2008-10-21T23:48:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Relieved
Listening to: I Love The Gays by Mandy Steckelberg

If you don't know her already, you really should check out Mandy Steckelberg.
She's an awesome comedian and singer, and here's two fantastic videos from her:

1940's phone sex line

I Love the Gays

Dating Persona

2008-10-18T11:21:00.006+02:00

Current mood: A bit tired
Listening to: Heartbreak Hotel by Elvis Presley

As always, I like to retake the The Dating Persona Test once every few months, when I feel like the result may be different. So I just did, and once again, I was right: the result did change. I'm quite excited about how my results change, since I've never gone back to a previous result. But then again, there's 16 different results s: haha.
Anyway, to catch up to speed, I've gone from: The Window Shopper (?) to The Nurse (18/09/07) to The Sudden Departure (20/03/08) to Half-Cocked (14/07/08) and now finally:

The Peach

Random Gentle Love Master (RGLM)

Playful, kind, and well-loved, you are The Peach.

For such a warm-hearted, generous person, you're surprisingly experienced in both love and sex. We credit your spontaneous side; you tend to live in the moment, and you don't get bogged down by inhibitions like most women your age. If you see something wonderful, you confidently embrace it.

You are a fun flirt and an instant sweetheart, but our guess is you're becoming more selective about long-term love. It's getting tougher for you to become permanently attached; and a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her.

Your ideal mate is adventurous and giving, like you. But not overly intense.

Your exact female opposite:

The Nymph

Deliberate Brutal Sex Dreamer

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM)

Consider: The Peach (RGLM), The Playstation (RGSM), The Window Shopper (RGLD)

And since OkCupid doesn't feel like customizing their results to the different blog templates, you can go here to read my full result, should you feel so inclined.

But seriously. OkCupid keeps surprising me. It's magnificent!
"[...] a girl who's in a different place emotionally might misunderstand your early enthusiasm. You can wreck someone simply by enjoying her." This couldn't be more painfully true. Since this has just happened. Goddamnit, OkCupid! *shakes fist*

At least I'm just also very happy to be past Half-Cocked.
It's funny how the different dating personas mark a very special place in my life in terms of girls. I can relate to all of them and think back to that time. Arh, OkCupid is awesome.

Funny development:
Random Gentle Love Dreamer
Random Gentle Sex Dreamer
Random Brutal Love Master
Random Brutal Sex Dreamer
Random Gentle Love Master

Hands down, I like my current result the best of all ^^ Haha. Now let's see if I can find another Peach or just a Playstation or a Window Shopper ;D

What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test

2008-10-17T06:42:00.003+02:00

Extroverted, Progressive, and Intelligent

20 Cubist, -15 Islamic, -10 Ukiyo-e, -10 Impressionist, 18 Abstract and -33 Renaissance!

Cubism was a 20th century avant-garde movement, pioneered by Pablo Picasso and Georges Braque. It revolutionized European art and inspired changes in music and literature. The first branch of cubism, known as Analytic Cubism. It was both radical and influential as a short but highly significant art movement between 1908 and 1911 mainly in France. In its second phase, Synthetic Cubism, (using synthetic materials in the art) the movement spread and remained vital until around 1919.

People that chose Cubist paintings as their favorite art form tend to be very individualized people. They are more extroverted and less afraid of speaking their opinions then other people. They tend to be progressive and are very forward thinking. As the cubist painting is like looking into a shattered mirror where you can see different angles of the images, the people that prefer these paintings like looking at all angles of a problem. These people are intelligent and they are the transformers of our generation. They look beyond what is seen into what things could become. They are ready to leave the ideas of the past behind and look at what the future has to offer.

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

Random Access Memory

2008-10-08T22:23:00.003+02:00

RAM is quite awesome!
These make me smile:

bookworm -1987
Laying in my bed with Jenny, clutching the edge of my blanket in my very sweating palms; more nervous than I had ever been in my life. I was just staring at the ceiling. She rolled over on me and started kissing my ear, making her way to my mouth. I remember thinking to myself, "Okay, this is it. You are now officially a lesbian."

savedglory -2000
Sitting on carpetted stairs next to Suzanne. Someone said, "Look, there's the lesbians!" and everybody laughed. I turned bright red and told them to shut up, offended. Then I climbed into bed next to Suzanne and felt my stomach do jumping jacks when her leg touched mine.

Reach for the sky

2008-10-08T02:30:00.010+02:00

Current mood: Reflective
Listening to: I and Identify by P.O.D.

love life
noun
the area of a person's life concerning their relationships with lovers.

I think I'm in my most serious relationship throughout my life right now. And it's not even a relationship per se. Which of course means: we're dating.

I write serious because I lack a better word for what I'm feeling. Because obviously my two point five-ish years with second girlfriend were quite serious. Perhaps committed is a better word? No, that doesn't quite describe it either, since I've been in one of those committed relationships before. And again - this is still dating.

What I'm trying to express here, is that this is quite different from what else I've experienced and tried. Because what I just realized half an hour ago, is that my relationships in the past have been quite fast paced. A trip down memory lane will demonstrate:

First girlfriend. Now this venture was actually quite good, since we started out as friends and then slowly accelerated into something more. So this was actually a good beginning, since this went nice and slow. First love kinda thang.
Second girlfriend. Wow. Okay, we started out as great friends also. But when interest was revealed from both sides, everything escalated rapidly. Compared to one's first love, this was the chaotic and passionate kind of deal. The one were you just get so caught up in one another that everything else disappears. Also, the one were you're still in your teens, so you think this is it! I've found the one! And you simply must create sappy love poems and other artistic endeavors. But I guess it's true what they say: What starts in chaos, ends in chaos. Now I say this with a great deal of regards, since I really evolved during this relationship and learned a lot during and especially after.
Third girlfriend. Rebound - even though I certainly wouldn't admit this during the act (but really, isn't every dalliance after a long-lasting, serious relationship qualified as a rebound?). This has quite a chaotic beginning too (to say the least). We were acquaintances beforehand this entanglement began. A very drunk night at the local gay club changed this though, when we ended up kissing fiercely outside. Even though we agreed to take things slow (when we sobered up), it didn't entirely go down like that. Although we were both fairly confused by our sudden liaison, it quickly resulted in a relationship (the lesbian way, I guess?). Again, what starts in chaos, ends in chaos. Sadly, I didn't learn enough from this experience.
Fourth (fling). Now this luckily never resulted in a relationship. I write luckily, not to insult either of us, but to point out that this was not a case of altered U-Haul. We dated for a short period of time and as a result never really got to know each other that well. And in my opinion there's no reason to initiate a relationship, when you don't really know each other, - this experience was gained from third girlfriend - after all, that's what dating's for, right? Didn't start in chaos, but sure culminated with something close to it.
Fifth girlfriend. Once again I fooled around with chaos. But I gained something incredibly substantial from this farce. Something that had been so perceptible, if contemplated, and yet too vague for my consciousness to comprehend.

Fifth and currently last relationship, concluded the vicious circle I began with third girlfriend. My relationships with third girlfriend, fling and fifth girlfriend all have one thing in common: they weren't on an equal footing, meaning that they were initiated, because (and I'm ashamed to admit this) they were interested in me. I was flattered by their attraction to me and it made me feel wanted, appreciated and most importantly: secure. Feelings, all of which I lost after the breakup with second girlfriend, suddenly given back by these girls. I realize now what a low point this was and how unfair it was to them. But I also know that I wasn't aware of all of this back then - that the true intentions of my decisions to engage in these relationships, were made on a subconscious level. Because at the time, I genuinely believed my heart was in it.

I've ruminated on all of the before mentioned throughout this new endeavor, more or less. Because what I'm involved in right now is so radically different from my past experiences. As a result I couldn't help but examine my previous relations more closely.

So what I'm trying to convey is that I'm on completely new territory. I agreed to take things slow, because this was her first girl-on-girl experience. And everyone who's ever had to come out of the closet, knows what an emotionally confusing and difficult time this can be. So of course I wanted to respect this request, since I also gradually had become aware of how an oblivious take on things had proved to be quite risky. But I must admit: I had never for a second considered just how rewarding such an approach could turn out to be, how rewarding her approach to all of this is. And I don't even think she's aware of it. For her, this might as well just be the safest path to walk, on the journey of discovering her sexuality. But for me this is so much more, since I have been in other relationships and am completely secure in my sexuality. What I have with her feels so enriching. Because even though we may not agree on certain things, and even though her behavior patterns may sometimes clash with mine, I feel so much adoration for how receptive she is. I feel elated by how uncorrupted she is when it comes to communicating. For example: We might be discussing something that's slowly escalating into an argument. Upon realizing this, I stifle myself and analytically comment on the way we're discussing the topic. And by whoever-you-may-praise, she gets it! She just gets it!

As long as we are able to continue this healthy development, I see no limits on intimacy between us, both physically and intellectually. If we continue to communicate as well as we do now and furthermore strive to progress, I have no doubts that this will be an extraordinary experience in terms of my love life.

Teehee.

2008-10-06T22:52:00.005+02:00

I just h a v e to mention how happy it makes me, every time I see Carah's 'Not Sure' on her 'Orientation' ^^

Heehee. But she i s in a relationship right now, and I'll betcha' that it's with some boy. Haha, oh, that sounded way too southern in my head.

WTF!

2008-10-06T22:27:00.004+02:00

Current mood: Drained
Listening to: Turn To Real Life by Shiny Toy Guns

Nooo! I can't believe it! Carah Faye Charnow isn't a member of Shiny Toy Guns anymore O_O noooes. But she was so amazing! >_< such a beautiful voice and such good looks also! *sniffle*

And I am SO slow! *Voice becomes whiney* Sisely Treasure *face-wringe* .. announced this back in August. Pfft. I mean, she's not ugly .. but she's just not Carah! *sigh*

Oh well. Guess I'll just have to wait and see (listen red.), if she cuts the mustard.
Because Carah will always have a special place <3 *giggle*

I can't wait to see if Carah comes up with something new ^^

My unintended

2008-09-27T08:39:00.002+02:00

You make me sick because I adore you so <3

Über poetry, gay poetry

2008-09-22T02:41:00.005+02:00

By Eileen Myles.

	Eileen Myles - Dear Andrea

	Found at bee mp3 search engine

Loose transcript:

Dear Andrea / I'm not trying to turn you on, Eileen / I'm stretching / What time is it? / Twenty-three before six / Dear God / should we feed them? / Oh yeah / I'm gonna take a shower / so let's do it now / Are you done? / How about I take a shower first? / Okay / I'd like you to read me the poem when I'm done / What's that Rose? / Myyrh, eerrh, nyyrh, nyyyrh

Dear Andrea / I love you too / Don't fuck up my hair / I can't believe you almost fisted me to today / That was great / I see a little duck's head / Just seperate under the sand / Are you really gonna read that? / I mean, seriously, honey / And the ocean wooshes in / Your jabby girlfriend / ka-tuum, poof, kaplash /and rolling your pants high / and the sea hits the rocks / and the seagulls hop / Man, am I in love

Dear Andrea / I've been alone all day / Spare me the postmodern experimental poet bullshit / Honey, think hard / about moments of love you've experienced with me / I want that love / Are we in a relationship or not? / Eileen, are you paying attention? / Fifty dollars, first ticket / Fifty dollars, first catcase / Diesel, diesel

Dear Andrea / You are the candy melting in my mouth / Is that a euphemism? / For what? / Witnessing your love / That's pretty good / Oh, I thought you said / hear the candy melting in my mouth / All the people like me / are thanking all the people like you / Can we call it a birdhouse? / I wouldn't take that away from you / You're like an orangutan / You're like a little brother I just allowed in the bed / Did you have coffee with your dinner? / No, I'm excited / We bought a birdhouse today / We didn't get it yet / No, but we should call it that / I am sweet

My dear Breña

2008-09-22T02:05:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Overcomed
Watching: All Over Me by Alex Sichel

This completely rips my heart open. So fucking beautiful. I hope that each of them forever spare each other pain. And if they find that isn't possible then I wish them forgiveness.
Bette said it best.

Closing time

2008-09-17T06:38:00.004+02:00

Current mood: Artistic, I tell you!
Listening to: Midnight Lullaby by Tom Waits

Okay, so I thought about it. The thing with my writings.
As I wrote in my previous post, I had an eager desire to share them here on blogger.
So I've actually gone and done exactly this. I've created another blog, just for my poetic ramblings.
Just not for everyone to see! *woohoo*

This decision actually solved everything. I get to "publish" my writings, but at the same time control completely who gets to see them.

As you've might or might not have noticed, I'm writing this at 7 in the morning. This is due to the fact that I wanted a different layout for my new blog, rather than just copying this one. And when I wrote layout, instead of design, I chose my words wisely, since the design in itself, with colors and shit, are the same. B u t. Whereas this is a 2-column blog, I've chosen to keep my rambling blog a 1-column piece. Which also results in no form of personal information being displayed there. There isn't even an archive 'menu'! This is due to the fact that I want to keep it as notebook-ish as possible, with my lyrics in center. Oh, and the reason I began this rant - I'm awake right now, because I'm shit with CSS.
At first I tried to find a pre-made layout. But I couldn't find anything that suiting my mood. Except the Nightingale template. Unfortunately, this template is only optimized for the 'classic blogger'. And when I tried switching to that old 'platform' everything looked terrible.
So, no thank you, sir. Or, as Calvin put it in Itty Bitty Titty Committee: "Thank you ma'am, I'll have another." rrauw.

Anyway, this means I sat out to create my own, very simple, layout. Which also means I had to work out how to handle CSS. And let me tell you right now - I have very little experience with this. Nonetheless, it all worked out in the end, a n d I've already posted some of the things I've written ^^ So all's good, y'all. Haha.

One thing that has emerged from this, though, is my great desire to learn much more CSS. Through the past few hours, were I've been annoyed by my inexperience, I couldn't help but think, at the same time: "Wau, what if I 'spoke' CSS as a second language? T h a t would be awesome!" So I'll definitely be taken this into consideration, when chosing what I'm going to study next.

Phew, this was some blog entry, eh?

(oh, and ps. I'm so in love with this girl, and psst. her name's liv! aaand .. she's hotter than tea! and by tea, I of course mean YOUR GIRLFRIEND!)

Love pulls my sore ribs in

2008-09-14T23:47:00.005+02:00

Current mood: Inspired
Listening to: Not Tonight (Cover) by Pil & Liv

I have written so many drafts for lyrics since the 20th of August. No lies. But I can't seem to finish any of them completely? At least not without feeling a bit uneasy about them.

Also, I'd really love to post them here. But to be honest, I'm actually kind of afraid to do so.
Not that I fear others criticism, but more so because I'm very protective of what I write. Which is also the reason why DA hasn't been updated with my writings for quite some time now.
All of this is really rather silly, since I on one level don't consider my lyrics good enough for stealing. But then again, on another level, I just feel so strongly about what I write - because it's always very personal stuff - that fear gets the best of me.

I'm going to think some more about this and see whether or not I can overcome my fear.

Also, get ready out there in blogland for some shameless promoting soon.
This amazing girl I'm seeing is recording an EP with her sister as I type this, and I have no doubts - the result is going to be mind-blowing.

// Groupie #1 signing off.

My, oh my

2008-09-06T04:57:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Freakin' excited!
Listening to: Cold Hard Bitch by Jet

Really? My entire life? pfft.

What Type of Lesbian Are You? (Inspired by Curve Mag.)

You scored as The Student Dyke

Your entire life is defined by two things: your intellect and your sexuality; moreover you often merge the two to lure in women.

The Student Dyke

50%

The Little-Boy Dyke

45%

The Pretty-Boi Dyke

35%

The Sprightly Elfin Femme

25%

The Stud

20%

The Quasi-Gothic Femme

15%

The Granola Dyke

15%

The Femme Fatale

15%

The Hipster Dyke

10%

The Magic Earring Ken Dyke

10%

The Vaginal-Reference-Making Dyke

The Bohemian Dyke

The Surprise! Dyke

Lead, Follow, or Get Out of the Way

2008-08-28T20:48:00.002+02:00

Listening to: Into Dust by Mazzy Star
Watching: Foxfire

I'm not okay, I can't wait for years and years. I'm totally freaking out, I can't be inside this body!
I wanna feel whole. I want the outside of me to match the inside of me.

So We Could Deal

2008-08-27T18:51:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: My Love (JT cover) by Tender Forever

Okay, so I've been thinking. "Why, really?" Yes, now shut up.

Instead of sitting here feeling oh so sorry for myself, I should just move on. So I got my heart broken, and yes it was for the first time in 3 years, but seriously. I should be kind of happy to know that it CAN be broken. This proves that I'm actually not "dead" inside, but that I'm still as perfectly capable as ever to fall in love. Which up until this point, I kind of thought was out of the question, since my last three involvements with girls have been kind of .. pfft. Not that significant, you know? Well, of course they meant something. But I wasn't head over heels or anything. "You wear heels!? Oh, shush, I digress.

So. What happened last night was fucking terrible and I haven't cried like that in 3 years. But why should I sit here and whine and engross myself in sadness, when everything has blown over, and I'm left with what we begun with? I mean, of course there's some serious "commitment" to be demonstrated from the other side, but if she keeps her promises, I'll, or rather, we'll be fine. And I'm just so in love, so I can't help but just go with it and trust her. Mostly, because I'm pretty sure that she's aware of what will happen if she doesn't. And I suspect none of us are interested in that outcome.

So no more negativity! We have to move forward and I have a huge part in that (:
"Uuh, a smiley!" Yes, and now cut the schizophrenia!

Pour it out

2008-08-27T15:25:00.006+02:00

When I was alone
My head kissed the ground
I was half the way down
treading the sand
Wouldn't you miss me at all?
Please lift a hand
I'm only a person

Never seen you act so shallow
Remembered all the things you'd say
how your promises went hollow
as you threw me to the ground
When I dream, I dream of your lips,
When I dream, I dream of your kiss

We were tight, but it falls apart as silver turns to blue
Waxing with a candlelight, and burning just for you
Someone tried to do me ache
It's what I'm afraid of
With hindsight, I was more than blind
lost without a clue

She wears her tears on her blouse
confused and racked with self-doubt
She stole the keys to my ~~house~~ heart
and then she locked herself out

Coming up beyond belief
On this coronary thief
More than just a leitmotif
More chaotic, no relief
I'll describe the way I feel

Never thought you'd make me perspire
Never thought I'd do you the same
Never thought I'd have to retire
Never thought I'd have to abstain
Never thought all this could back fire
Never thought I'd get any higher
Never thought you'd fuck with my brain
Never thought all this could expire
Never thought you'd go break the chain

You let it come between us
It's just the second night
But I would break back nights for you
Here comes the morning after

It's in your reach
Concentrate
If you deny this
Then it's your fault

You're the one
Who makes me feel much taller than you are
I'm weightless, I'm bare
I'm faithless, I'm scared

I was alone, falling free,
trying my best not to forget,
what happened to us, what happened to me,
I was alone, staring over the ledge,
trying my best not to forget,
all manner of joy, all manner of glee,
and our one heroic pledge
How it mattered to us, how it mattered to me,
and the consequences
I was confused, by the birds and the bees

It's far too sacred,
Don't ever fake it,
and don't let me down
Like you let me down before

I'm a jailbird to your music

2008-08-26T18:27:00.004+02:00

Current mood: Weary
Listening to: Good Friday by CocoRosie

I'm so incredibly tired. Although I've been getting at least 6 hours of sleep every night for the last couple of nights, I feel drained. But that may just be because I'm not that used to getting up at 5.30 in the morning. And I guess it could easily be fixed if I went to sleep a bit earlier and got 8 hours? Oh well.

I feel great nonetheless. It feels absolutely fantastic getting up every morning and doing something, and having a steady income. I feared that I'd dread working in a stock room. But it's actually very pleasing in a way. I mean, whenever I get there, I know exactly what to do and it's no problem at all. It also helps a lot that I work alongside Karna and Cecilie. Karna is so funny! She cracks me up everyday with her freakish ultimatums. We pack clothes in boxes for Noa Noa, and I tell you, some of does clothes just look ridiculous. It's hard to imagine anyone looking good in them. Nonetheless, we ship a lot to the Netherlands, Sweden, Germany, Spain and so on. But we have a lot of fun while doing it. Like today, when Karna asked me this: "Would you rather wear this dress everyday for the rest of your life? Or fuck everyone who works here in the stockroom?" Haha ! And I tell you - that dress was hideous.
So .. Cecilie and I ended up answering the same: We'd go with the stock room workers. As long as there wasn't specified how long it had to last and that we'd also have the opportunity to be heavily influenced by alcohol for the duration of the sex, we'd have to endure.

Karna is just an expert in those ultimatums, where you almost find it impossible to choose. Like: "Which would you rather? Eat your pinky toe each day for the rest of your life, meaning that it would grow back every morning, and you'd have to eat it? Or. Wear Noa Noa clothes everyday for the rest of your life?" Haha. And again, remember! Those clothes which we are handling are very unflattering.
So of course I asked her if I could just blend the toe in with some lasagne! Oh, the horror.

Had it not been for work today, I would have been left feeling so flustered without any recess.

A case of love bipolar

2008-08-25T20:52:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Completely thrown off balance
Listening to: My Life Without Me

So it's without question: I write much better lyrics when I'm in an upset state of mind. It may be because I'm way too critical when I'm content whereas when I'm upset I just let it all out, not caring what anyone would think: Because it's my feelings and feelings can't be wrong or right. They're just feelings.

I feel like Angus, when he throws a tantrum against Kit in Latecomer.
"You're the one who makes me feel like a fucking adolescent, because I'm so in love with you."

The world seems less terrible because she exists. All that, the palpitations, and the nerves .. the pain, the happiness, and the fear.
It sounds like a classic case of falling in love.

smoke is filling up the organ again

2008-08-24T20:20:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Exhausted
Listening to: Deftones albums

We are warm and we are safe
When everything is quiet,
the ringing in our ears will be awfully

I'm getting very tired of the facts
that's why I'm cold and alone again
that's why I'm all on my own again

Oh no, I think I'm falling
Oh no, I think I'm fine
I saw the two collide

I lay in bed for days
I got my head caught underneath the ice
I didn't stand a chance

Well, I know that you are near
I have never felt so much
and I'd really like to feel that way again

A con

2008-08-19T19:02:00.005+02:00

Current mood: Captivated
Listening to: Nineteen by Tegan and Sara

Urg. I was getting so good at not biting my nails. And now, because friday is moving closer, I can't stop! It's driving me nuts, especially because I don't even notice when I do it -_-

Other than that I'm actually freaking a bit out.
Because I'm behaving like a little teenager.
With heart and emotions running amok.
And this is something I have not been doing for the last two and a half years.

Her eyes, hands, touch, lips, gazes, sighs, kisses, everything unites with me, until we both collapse into each other.

How is it that the feeling of my heart being pulled back and forth in my chest, makes butterflies gain entry to under my skin?
My hands never shook like this before and I'm pretty sure I don't suffer from Parkinson's.

Body count

2008-08-17T21:14:00.003+02:00

Also on September 7, 2007, I tried the cadaver calculator and I was told that my body in that current state would be worth $3750.00., if sold to science.

$3750.00

Haha. And now that I just redid it:

$3350.00

I've gone down by $700! hahaha. I have no idea what it could be that changed the result.

Restricted

2008-08-17T20:52:00.005+02:00

Haha! On September 7, 2007, I got my blog rated and the result was:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

fucking (2x)
fuck (1x)

Now, almost a year later I got it rated again. And this time:

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

hell (4x)
fucking (3x)
fuck (2x)
zombie (1x)

So awesome xD

Where does the good go?

2008-08-17T19:50:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Enchanted
Listening to: Take Me Anywhere by Tegan and Sara

Apparently they go to Tønder.

Take me by the hand and tell me, you would take me anywhere.
And it goes, it's like a come on, come on to me.
I'm full of longing.

Damn it

2008-08-03T10:12:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Gone pfft
Listening to: What A Difference A Day Makes by Sarah Vaughan

So I got a comment from someone saying that the film I have seen was a pirated "work print". This sucks. The girl who showed me the film and borrowed me her copy, said it was the real deal, as shown on film festivals. But after checking the website that the person provided, I can see how this is not the case, since the release date is september 2nd this year (which the person also stated). Oh well, this just means I don't have to work at the track list anymore, but just kick back, and wait for the dvd to be released (: Which is pretty awesome and hopefully a soundtrack will also be released ^^ Oh, it would be really cool if they would make some kind of deal where you could purchase the dvd and the soundtrack for some kind of special price :D

Here's to Wolfevideo.com !

Itty Bitty Titty Committee Soundtrack : track list

2008-08-01T11:05:00.008+02:00

Current mood: Eager
Listening to: The Inch by Peaches

Okay, so when I first saw IBTC I couldn't help but drool because of all the amazing artists and the sweet tracks that were used. So naturally, when I was done watching the movie, I hurried to imdb.com for information on the soundtrack. But no. There was no track list posted. Damn .. Oh well, Google's my friend! BUT NO! I searched high and low, and a bit in the sides, but I could not for the life of me find any site that had the track list posted! And it's not like I think I'm some kind of "God of search engines", but I pride myself in being pretty much better than most people, when it comes to finding information via the interwebs (that being the people I'm surrounded by here, anyway).

But but but. Instead of throwing in the towel, I thought to hell with this! I'm gonna fucking find out myself then! So basically I've been watching IBTC again and again and again, listening to the lyrics being sung, writing them down, then searching for them on Google, until my eyes, ears and fingers were bleeding.

That being said, I'm not done. This is due to three things. First off, sometimes it's just really hard to hear what the hell is being sung, especially when there's talking during the song. Secondly, English is not my native lanuage, so I bet a person who has English as their first language would have a better ear for this sorta thing. Lastly, there are some parts of the movie where I have lyrics, but Google doesn't recognize them. Now this is a big problem. Because of this is due to the artists being rather unknown or just doesn't exist anymore, and never became that famous, then the situation seems pretty impossible for me. Although in this case I'm planning on posting these lyrics on riot grrrl forums and the like, and see if there should be anyone who could help me out.
Nevertheless, I'm going to post what I've found until now and then update as I progress.
Although I must confess I'm a bit annoyed by the fact that the official website hasn't posted the track list. You'd think they'd wanna promote the awesome music s:

Anyway, I'm gonna post what I've found in the following way: First off I'm gonna write where in the movie the song is. Then I'll of course indicate the track number of the song, but most importantly the artist and song. At the places where I haven't figured out who the artist is, I'm gonna post the lyrics when possible. Have I not even discovered the lyrics, I'll merely write at which part of the movie the song is.

The movie begins
01 Terrorist by Heavens To Betsy

Shuli and Sadie tell Anna what they're all about
02 lyrics "never wanted you" "have to say" "what you tell me"

Sadie gives Anna a zine, after they've been standing on the rooftop
03 lyrics "someone likes you/to" "I never have the feeling"

All the girls rush out of Zona's, so they won't get caught by the police
04

Aggie driving Anna, talking about how him and Sadie went to this band's concert
05 Don't Mix The Colours by Beat Happening

When the group is putting up 'sculptures' of Angela Davis and Emma Goldman
06 F.Y.I. by Le Tigre

When Anna is talking to Meat about her art
07 My Art by Le Tigre

When Meat tells Anna about how her and Sadie used to have a thing
08 Decide by Heavens to Betsy

Sadie and Anna talking about why Sadie's with Courtney
09 lyrics "she just wants to be" + "you just can't" + "are you ready for this sacrifice"

Sadie and Anna dancing at the club
10 Rebel Girl by Bikini Kill

Anna 'fixes' up the clinic and Maude discovers some info on tampons
11 lyrics "now every night" "we're the" "want to dance"

The girls set out on the roadtrip
12 Not What You Want by Sleater-Kinney

Calvin and Shuli talk about Don't Ask, Don't Tell
13 For Tammy Rae by Bikini Kill

Calvin + Shuli and Anna + Sadie have sex
14 The Inch by Peaches

Anna and Aggie get drunk and fool around
15 I Don't Give A Fuck by Peaches

And that's unfortunately all for now!

a•rach•no•pho•bi•a

2008-07-30T01:45:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Panicking
Listening to: On The Verge by Le Tigre

|əˌræknəˈfoʊbiə|
noun
extreme or irrational fear of spiders.

extreme and irrational being the key words here folks.

I write this now, because I just nearly tossed my table with my computer and drink over, when suddenly panicking and thus felt the need to jump 10 feet into the air.
All of this because a spider found it's way to my couch and was prancing towards my knee in direction of my mac.

I loathe spiders. Just in case the previous scenario didn't quite get this across. I dread them. And this fucker was about 1,5 inch in diameter. Not big you say? Well, big enough to make me lose it. Even as I write this I am erratically twitching my head over my shoulder, jumpy, like a snitch about to be located. Only because I fear that one of these damn creatures will come to avenge the death of (what I fear to be) a beloved kindred.

Now that was clearly the irrational part of my fear. Now would be a good time to explain the traumatic event in my childhood that is the cause of this ludicrous phobia. Only there is none.

I have absolutely no idea why the hell I'm so scared of these damn bugs. I do know that my sister had this illogical fear also, so maybe she passed it on to me? Only she has gotten rid of most of hers - (damn her!) - so I feel a bit alone here. Also, I'm supposed to be this butchy and androgynous tomboy, so this really doesn't do much for my image. But to hell with it! I admit it, I'm deadly afraid of spiders!

So what I'm looking for is a femme who can be butch enough to protect me from these freaks of nature. Ideally, this wonder woman would not mind interrupting her activities in order to go out into the bathroom and remove a spider, so that my livelihood (red. bladder) could once again be secured.
Preferably this divinity would report to my apartment immediately, since my usual carefree state of mind has been broken down.

First thing in the morning, I am so vacuuming this whole place. Why do people have to sleep at 2 am anyway? pfft.

Silly little plant

2008-07-26T07:14:00.004+02:00

Current mood: Tired
Listening to: Hellogoodbye

It's been hardly a moment and you are already missed. Say please do not go, but you know that I must. But you know you can trust. We'll be holding hands, all our broken plans I will mend. I will hold you tight so you know.
It's been hardly three days and I'm longing to feel your embrace. There are several days until I can see your sweet face. Wouldn't it be nice to know right now that we'll be someday holding hands?All our broken plans will have been.
When I'm gone these words will be here to ease every fear and make it very clear.

Thinking oh, is it love?

Lesbian FTP

2008-07-22T23:22:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Thoughtful
Listening to: My My Metrocard by Le Tigre

We seriously need to import some new lesbians here. It's like I said to my sister the other day: "I'm gonna be single until new lesbians hatch or some are imported. Not out of righteous choice really, but this is getting ridiculous!"

"No wonder there's so much drama!" I thought to myself after complaining for three days. "If we stopped dating our friends ex-girlfriends, the drama would be fairly less overwhelming."
Now I make it sound like everyone is recycling. And that's honestly not the case. It's mostly me. I think people are starting to reconsider, if they really want to introduce me to their new girlfriends. I'm really beginning to get a bad reputation when it comes to "snatching" friends girlfriends/ex-girlfriends.
Oh, I kid! I'm really not that bad. I'm no Shane - more like Alice really. Just not able to control my heart. Is there a condition where your brain switches off and your heart picks up the trail? Because then I sure have it. Although that's a bad excuse. Just sounds a lot more romantic, right? In reality, I would just much rather regret what I've done, than regret something I didn't do.

But now my first ex-girlfriend is involved with my third ex-girlfriend. And the first one is the only one I've been able to stay friends with, while I can't stand the third one. Also, clearly first ex deserves way better than third ex. Pfft. But who am I to judge? I just got out of a relationship with my former best friend's second ex girlfriend.
Confused yet?

I demand that new lesbians hatch or that we at least get some fine imported ones soon! Giddy-up, I say!

Uncomplicated

2008-07-21T03:52:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Melting
Listening to: Look Out, Here They Come! : The L Word

Ah, I love watching The L Word again. It makes me feel like my own life isn't that complicated. Or at least I like seeing that I'm not the only who fucks up my life. Although I can't stop crying out: "No, Shane! Why! Haven't you learned anything!?", it makes me feel a lot better, knowing that I'm not the only one who fucks up and doesn't always learn from my mistakes. Relating to that, I would just like my life to slow down. NOW. I'm tired of all the drama and I need a break. I'd love for a boring slow period to come along right now, so my life could fall into a dull routine. That would be greeted with deep gratitude right about now.

Oh, and also I might post something later about the night I had yesterday. Preview: Absinthe + tequila x drunk girl = sudden shocking kiss attack. On me.

But for now, it's on to The L Word <3

Your hand in mine

2008-07-20T03:51:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Infatuated
Listening to: We Start To Drift by Shipping News

There's a lot that I want to say, but my thoughts keep spinning around one person.

Apartment Story

2008-07-17T05:09:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Lost in thought
Listening to: Mistaken For Strangers by The National

I was up all night again, boning up and reading the American dictionary. I know you put in the hours to keep me in sunglasses, I know.

Paradox

2008-07-16T04:52:00.003+02:00

Current mood: Time zone confused
Listening to: Plastic Stars by Freezepop

So my sister proceeded her tricks yesterday and set up a most devious trap for me. Tsk! But oh well, we got a very good laugh out of it. I'm just so silly these days. Perhaps because I get way too little sleep or maybe because I'm acting like a little 13 year old. But really, I would have no trouble in visiting this amazing american girl I know, since I'm already on her time zone. Which is turning out to be quite the juggle project, since I'm also obligated to follow my own. I'm crazy being awake at 5 am in Denmark on a Wednesday, but perfectly fine by not sleeping at 10 pm in Texas on a Thuesday. Hence the 13 year old behavior, I'd say.
Oh, the entanglement!

I'd really love being in Waco, Texas right now. I'd just crash on the nearest bed and would wake up at the perfect time today. Haha, get it? 'Cause it's already .. here in .. Denmark? Oh, nevermind.

Anyway, my old apartment is being reviewed today, so I better get some sleep before that. And oh! I'm having breakfast with my dad in 6 hours ^^ so once again I'm gonna show up at the Coffee Bar (red. Kaffebaren) looking like a freakin' zombie. I seriously doubt that any of the staff thinks I'm human anymore.
Oooh, and I got to go to that fab gym today. No hot chicks though. But we knew the lady behind the counter! She's my brother's friend's girlfriend. That was crazy running into her there. But she's real nice. Kept asking me to remember to breathe, relax my shoulders and do Kegel exercises while training. Hahaha, I'm not really sure I want to do that lady, since .. well, that's kinda private, but noo Kegel exercises for me. I'm quite sure I won't be wetting the floor anytime soon : as she so elegantly mentioned, some elderly women do, because of weak pelvis muscles (or something like that - whaddo I know? I was trying to concentrate on training!)

Mental note: boost up to friday by training at home.

She's Your Cocaine

2008-07-15T05:27:00.010+02:00

Current mood: Yearning
Listening to: She's Your Cocaine by Tori Amos

I have become so addicted once again. Luckily I don't have school anymore and I'm off from work this week. So I'm actually free to do what I want. But it's frustrating >_< and by sister said the most bewildering thing to me today, or rather yesterday, since it's 6.30 in the morning. I don't know why she doesn't understand that it isn't that simple! Maybe 'cause it's really not and I'm just driving myself nuts. But I totally forgot how thought consuming this was. Not how time consuming it is though. Mostly because I never minded.

*KISSES AND HUGS BLOGGER FRANTICALLY*

OmniWeb just crashed out of freakin' nowhere and I was ready to start screaming. But precious blogger autosaved the draft ^^ hee! Thank you blogger <3

Anyway. I just wish I had more opportunities! I want to do more than this. Even with how lovely everything is now, I'm greedy. I want moore! >_> meh.

Oh, btw! I broke up with Caroline on the 7th. Had it not been for some very special people, I would've stayed cynical and bitter for a lot longer. Girls are so FUCKED UP sometimes!%$#€!&!!!

But I really oughta go to bed quickly now - I have to go to 4 different offices tomorrow as in order to stay alive with this crappy economy at the moment. damnit! >_< afterwards I'm gonna go work out with my sister ^^ at this gym called No Men <3 haha. I think it's so funny. And after that we're gonna go clean my old apartment, so it's ready for the new owner (:

you know, I think american girls have some sort of magic, or .. perhaps just this one girl that I know <3

MMORPG

2008-04-07T13:41:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Abstinent
Listening to: Social Studies substitute

Mature Men Online RolePlaying as Girls.

and

Making Money Off of Really Poor Gamers.

ZeroMobile

2008-04-02T18:54:00.002+02:00

Current mood: Excited
Listening to: Girls And Boys by Pet Shop Boys

So there's this new cell company called . . yes, you guessed it! ZeroMobile. They're just your regular mobile company, but with the big difference that it's free! Money spent by texting, surfing and what ever you'd normally do with your cell, is paid by watching commercials. As a matter a fact, I'm writing this blog from my mobile, using their application Appetize. So without further ado, I'll try posting now, and see the result. One thing they need to work on though, for me to use this regularly, is making it possible to format the text.

Flesheater!

2008-03-31T08:39:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Zombie
Listening to: Naturegeography lecture

All slow beta-rhythms and no REM sleep makes Plante a rotten zombie.

Mac frenzy

2008-03-26T20:49:00.001+01:00

Current mood: Enthusiastic
Listening to: NCIS

I finally got my precious MacBook up and running again! ^^ But I had to bleed 137 bucks to get there. pheew. Those adapters are expensive s: I'll be sure never to make that fatal mistake again.
On another note, I often find myself completely absorbed in my Mac, always on the expense of the people who text me. Because of that, I would really love to have a way of connecting my cell to my Mac, in the same way as I do my iPod, so my Mac would ping me whenever I got a message on my cell. Even further I would love to have the ability to answer back via my Mac, without any cost, but just as if I had picked up my cell and done it the old T9 way.

Someone invent this! Hmm. On second thought maybe it has already been invented? I must search! But first: Cigarettes must be bought before closing time.

Cheeze

2008-03-26T01:28:00.001+01:00

Current mood: A bit sleepy
Listening to: Numb3rs

So, as part of my updating on OkCupid, I have now deleted a lot of my taken tests and only kept the ones I found interesting enough to retake. Which brings me to this evenings test: The Which Musician Am I?. It was taken on June 19th, 2005 and I got the result: Jeff Buckley. But now, almost three years later I'll see if it has changed (: I should mention that the test determents which modern day musician I'm most likened to.

Hedonism

2008-03-25T22:02:00.001+01:00

Current mood: Alright
Listening to: Flashdance

Can a masochist also be a hedonist? Since a hedonist strives to maximize the total pleasure, in terms of how much pleasure and how little pain they produce : pleasure minus pain.

So how about it?

72

2008-03-25T01:08:00.002+01:00

Current mood: Pfft.
Listening to: The Simpsons

Tsk. So I retook the test and got a 72, which seems pretty 'mjah' considering my old score was 73 s: oh well, Hufflepuff isn't that bad.

50/50

2008-03-24T23:42:00.005+01:00

Current mood: Fine
Listening to: Sex & The City

Alright, so tomorrow, first thing after school it's mac adapter shopping time! Right now I'm borrowing my dad's windoze laptop. For surfing it's acceptable, but I just can't get the same work done, as easily, as I can on my beloved mac. But this laptop will hopefully get me through school tomorrow.

Anyway, as I am updating my OkCupid, I will now poste my score on the The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test, retake it and then poste the new score. Assuming there's any change of course (: This is from November 25, 2007:

Hufflepuff!
The Sorting Hat has spoken! You've got 73 House Points!

Head of House: Professor Sprout

House Colors: Yellow and Black

House Animal: The Badger

Hufflepuff chose the students everyone else didnt want. Or those who didn't fit too easily into any category. Those who were cunning, but not ambitious. Those who were hardworking, though perhaps not TOO brave. Good people none the less. You are most likely the friend everyone would like to have, loyal, trustworthy, hardworking. Love sports too! You are cool in my book. The majority of people will wind up right here with you, so chances are, you will make some great friends!

Some students of Hufflepuff include... Susan Bones, Justin Flinch-Fletchley, and Cedric Diggory.

This test tracked 1 variable. How the score compared to the other people's:

Higher than 69% on House Points

Link: Hogwarts-Sorting-Hat<-b>'>The Hogwarts Sorting Hat Test written by Demeratus on Ok Cupid
View My Profile(Demeratus)

NOOOOOOOOOOO !

2008-03-23T17:12:00.001+01:00

Current mood: Destroyed
Listening to: Cursing at myself

No no no no no no !!!!!! My adapter is broken! no no no no no. IDIOT! The cord has melted! And it's all my fault! noooooo. If there isn't a single of the electronic stores that are open today, I'm going to be really sad >_<

OH GOD! I just checked. There aren't any tech stores open today! Noooo. This fucking sucks! *sigh* oh well. At least I don't have school tomorrow, so I'll be able to get a new one, FIRST thing in the morning. I'm such an idiot s:

Comme ci, comme ça continued: Don Juan?

2008-03-20T21:41:00.011+01:00

Oh no. This does not sound good s: How did this happen? I even retook the taste, just to be completely sure that I hadn't rushed through it. Jeez. I especially don't like the picture >_< The description sounds alarmingly like the female Don Juan syndrome that my sister told me about. So that's just great, isn't it!? s:
I've gone from The Window Shopper to The Nurse and now finally:

The Sudden Departure

Random Brutal Love Master (RBLM)

Sweet. Dear. Loving. At Gate 18. Final call. You are The Sudden Departure.

You've been in a lot of serious relationships. More than a few have ended ugly. Uglily. Whatever. Our guess is that you're a really fantastic girl who doesn't really know what she wants, and you've broken a few hearts as a result. You fall for people easily, and you enjoy the feeling of falling in love, but once you're there, either boredom or the old "grass is greener" syndrome sets in. The mind wanders, and with it goes the flesh. And then the toiletries.

We know you're not the classic "love 'em and leave 'em" type, at least not in a purely sexual sense. You have too many serious bonding tendencies for that. But even though you're theoretically looking to settle down, you don't settle long on one person. "Serial monogamist" is probably something you hear a lot. "Emotionally loose" is another way to put it. To the poor girls eating your dust and sniffing your panties, it doesn't really make much difference. Of course, it's not really your fault that people get hurt. You have every right to move on when you choose.

Your exact female opposite:

The Intern

Deliberate Gentle Sex Dreamer

Always avoid: The Intern (DGSD), The Maid of Honor (DGLM)

Consider: The Sudden Departure (RBLM), someone just like you

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - dating services
My profile name: : plante

Comme ci, comme ça

2008-03-20T20:25:00.005+01:00

Current mood: Nonchalant
Listening to: The Snakepit by The Cure

Finally I have my internet back!! Eureka ! So I have been messing round on the different community sites that I'm a member of, trying to reply all of the messages I've been getting for the past 6 months. Pheew. But what I really wanted to do with today's blog was to post my The Dating Persona Test from the 18th of September 2007 and then retake it, to compare and see if I've changed. So here we go:

The Nurse

Random Gentle Sex Dreamer (RGSD)

Friendly and eager. Sexy in white. You are The Nurse.

Like your male counterpart, The Poolboy, you're a fun and goofy, but giving, friend. You believe that life and love should be taken with a grain of salt. We'll bet you smile a lot, which people find contagious.

If only they knew the reason...the fact is, you spend WAY more time fantasizing than the average girl. While your friends lean desperately towards love, you're chemically biased towards anti-love: sex. You'd never date someone you didn't find immediately kissable.

To maximize satisfaction, you should find someone carefree and sexual, just like you. Avoid Brutal types at all costs. A final bit of advice: experience doesn't matter. You didn't qualify as a Master, and your perfect match need not either.

Your exact female opposite:

The Battleaxe

Deliberate Brutal Love Master

Always avoid: The Battleaxe (DBLM), The Nymph (DBSD)

Consider: The Nurse (RGSD), The Playstation (RGSM)

Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - dating services
My profile name: : plante

oh .

2008-01-22T12:12:00.001+01:00

Current mood: Tired
Listening to: Social studies lecture

Happy new year! Oh, and merry christmas!

I have neglected this blog shamefully s: but here's the thing: it's really hard updating regularly when you have no internet at home. And that is exactly the point: I have no internet. For some strange reason, I got cut off. When I get the spare time, I'll have to contact my contractor and ask what the hell is going on. Nevertheless, I haven't been updating for a good part of the time when I had internet in my apartment. So this is purely a human error on my part /:

But let's get to the good stuff! At the end of february last year, I decided that I would stay single for a year. "But why!?" you may ask. Some may not even bother with the "why" but quickly move on to the "how?". This is due to the fact that I haven't been able to stay single for long periods of time. Therefore, after I broke it off with my last partner, I decided that this was the time to make a commitment to myself and stay single for a year. And so I did ! or .. almost! I stayed single for 10 months and 3 weeks ! But last friday I decided that I couldn't possibly stay single for a year, since I met this amazing girl. We had been dating for over a month and it was on the 10th date I asked her. So even though I didn't make it to a whole year, I'm very pleased with my effort, and absolutely happy with how my life is now, with my sweet and lovely Caroline.

It's time to go

2007-10-03T04:11:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Strange
Listening to: We've Got To Meet by The Organ

I want a girl who equals Marla Singer + Bellatrix Lestrange x Nymphadora Tonks.

Although I certainly wouldn't mind settling for Helena Bonham Carter ^^ Lucky Tim Burton you! (which is actually really out of character, since I don't usually find women that age attractive, but .. *purr* .. gotta admit - she's hot! a n d even more so incredibly talented.

Transitory connections

2007-09-30T22:46:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Apathetic
Watching: Dexter

I find people around me are all making some kind of connection, like friendship or romance but human bonds always lead to messy complications; commitment, sharing, driving people to the airport. Besides if I let someone get that close, they’d see who I really am and I can’t let that happen. So, time to put on my mask.

A quick thought

2007-09-16T06:17:00.000+02:00

Current mood: A bit tired
Listening to: The Way I Are by Timbaland ft. Keri Hilson

After watching Babies eating lemons, I can't help but wonder why some parents are so puzzled by the fact that their children won't eat what they serve them? This has a thick tragic irony all over it.

Virus

2007-09-15T01:38:00.000+02:00

You like attention
It's proof to you you're alive
Stop parading your angles
Confused?
You'll know when you're ripe

When you're ripe
you'll bleed out of control

You're pregnant
with all this space
Thick with honey
but I lost my taste

You're into depression
'cause it matches your eyes
Stop this faux to be famous
Confused?
You'll know when you're ripe

When you're ripe
you'll bleed out of control

You're pregnant
with all this space
Thick with honey
but I lost my taste

40 Oz. To Freedom

2007-09-15T00:41:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Uneasy
Listening to: Santeria by Sublime

Arg, I'm having the hardest time gathering my thoughts, but I truly believe that it would help me to put these feelings down in writing. I'm so annoyed. Not even sure that's the word.

...

Okay, I thought it over now. I really shouldn't get that emotionally upset by this. I really should be annoyed by myself, for letting it get that far. Why am I not thinking clearly, when it comes to this? Okay, that was certainly a redundant question. But seriously, I'm so much better off this way. I HAVE to keep that in mind when these thoughts pop up. Thank you, Sublime. Listening to you guys puts things like this in perspective. I should praise myself lucky, that it's over! It really wasn't a healthy situation. The cons were definitely not worth enduring for the sake of the pros. Haha, certainly all of that was brought on by Adium! Rearranging the groups and contact, going through the message histories undoubtedly made all the old feelings shine through. Not that I'm repressing them, 'cause I've processed the whole experience, but even though it's still possible to get caught in the past sometimes, when you forget the important stuff. Helle, my sister, really is right - it's all one big process. Even though you move on, there will always be a little bit left. But as always, I have a hard time accepting this, haha! Evidently, I'll just have to and perhaps that alone will become a whole new process. Haha, oh dear.

I miss Mikey <3

Fuck Robot Skin.

2007-09-12T18:14:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Reflective
Listening to: Two Guys And A Girl on Zulu

This weekend I was in Strib for the OD activity weekend - and it was amazing! I just love the atmosphere around those people and that you're in a place where everybody wants the same thing - better possibilities for the third world. The people there were amazing. I'm going to miss it s o much next year. That's why Mia and I've been thinking about being activists there next year. I think that would be wonderful. Those people are great. And working with this project really gives me a lot of positive energy.

On another note - my dad turned 66 yesterday xD Congratulations, dad! You are the best dad ever. And if that wasn't enough he also celebrated his 7th year of sobriety at the same time : D I'm so proud to be your daughter. And I really look forward to next summer, where we'll begin writing your life story down ^^ I really admire you, dad.

Tomorrow my social studies level a class is being visited by some American students. We are going to go into separate groups, as are they, and discuss politics. American vs. Danish. We've prepared some questions, which they've been shown and then we're going to take turns answering them. I'm actually kind of excited about it. Except for Mikey, these people are going to be the only Americans that I've actually talked with. I really think it's going to be great.

Other than that, the OD secretariat is coming to my school ^^ yay! They're going to inform everybody about this years project: Bolivia. Afterwards, me and the rest of the OD-group at my school are going to register all the students who want to help out. I hope a lot sign up ^^

Another thing I wanted to blog about was Phillips new shaving commercial. The "Robot Skin" one. WHAT THE FUCK!? Seriously, that commercial is so fucked up. It's a product for shaving and here I am feeling like I just watched the trailer for I, Robot ! I mean, what the hell? And their website! Jeez. The whole message is supposed to make you want to buy the damn thing, but instead they are basing the whole marketing on a thick glaze of paranoia. The whole presentation on the site reeks of "Terminator scenario". I'm not saying that I don't think this strategy is going to pay off. Surely, someone are bound to like it - why would they have chosen it otherwise? This is of course assuming that they've done the whole pilot with an audience. Otherwise I would consider it suicide. Oh well. As long as I have the power to switch off when it comes on, I'm satisfied.

Multiple Intelligences

2007-09-06T15:26:00.000+02:00

It has been claimed by some researchers that our intelligence or ability to understand the world around us is complex. Some people are better at understanding some things than others.
For some of us it is relatively easy to understand how a flower grows but it is immensely difficult for us to understand and use a musical instrument. For others music might be easy but playing football is difficult.
Instead of having one intelligence it is claimed that we have several different intelligences.

My results:

Linguistic (Word Smart)
You may be word smart. You will enjoy reading, writing and talking about things. This is sometimes called being Linguistic smart.

Interpersonal (People Smart)
You may be people smart. You will like to mix with other people and you will belong to lots of clubs. You like team games and are good at sharing. This is sometimes called being Interpersonal smart.

Musical (Music Smart)
You may be music smart. You will enjoy music and can recognise sounds, and timbre, or the quality of a tone. This is sometimes called being Musical smart.

Intrapersonal (Myself Smart)
You may be myself smart. You will know about yourself and your strengths and weaknesses. You will probably keep a diary. This is sometimes called being Intrapersonal smart.

Visual/Spatial (Picture Smart)
You may be picture smart. You will be good at art and also good at other activities where you look at pictures like map reading, finding your way out of mazes and graphs. This is sometimes called being Visual/Spatial smart.

Naturalistic (Nature Smart)
You may be nature smart. You will like the world of plants and animals and enjoy learning about them. This is sometimes called being Naturalistic smart.

Logical (Number Smart)
You may be number smart. You will be good at mathematics and other number activities; you are also good at solving problems. This is sometimes called being Logical smart.

Kinaesthestic (Body Smart)
You may be body smart. You will enjoy sports and are good at swimming, athletics, gymnastics and other sports. This is sometimes called being Kinaesthetic smart.

It's all Greek to Me!

2007-09-06T14:45:00.001+02:00

Test your knowledge of who's who high above the clouds on majestic Mount Olympus...

Your Score: 90 (out of a possible 100)
Excellent! - You're a greek mythology expert!

Yay! Proves I've been listening in my classical civilization and also explains a bit why I got the second highest possible score on my exam ^^

How NERDY are You?

2007-09-06T14:34:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Happy and excited
Listening to: Saw Red by Sublime ft. No Doubt

Well oh well.

47 % geek, but 44 % nerd. I must say I'm content with that.

How well do you know the Simpsons?

2007-09-06T12:31:00.001+02:00

You scored 9 out of a possible 10
Your encyclopaedic knowledge of The Simpsons makes you the toast of Springfield. You probably dress up as Marge for the annual convention.

Ouh, not bad, I'd say. Didn't get the "Where were shorts of the Simpsons first shown?" although. I answered "CNN Entertainment channel" when the answer was "The Tracey Ullman Show" tsk.

Which Super Villain are you?

2007-09-06T12:20:00.001+02:00

And in the same spirit! ^^

You are The Joker

The Joker		46%
Mystique		36%
Apocalypse		30%
Mr. Freeze		30%
Magneto		29%
Lex Luthor		28%
Dr. Doom		28%
Poison Ivy		25%
Catwoman		23%
Riddler		22%
Venom		21%
Dark Phoenix		20%
Juggernaut		20%
Green Goblin		16%
Two-Face		16%
Kingpin		13%

The Clown Prince of Crime. You are a brilliant mastermind but are criminally insane. You love to joke around while accomplishing the task at hand.

Click here to take the Super Villain Personality Test

Haha! WTF!? Id never imagined that o: haha. Excellent.

Which Superhero are you?

2007-09-06T12:04:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Optimistic
Listening to: Date Rape by Sublime

I really would like it to have categories. So whenever I posted quizzes, they wouldn't show up as actual "new posts" in the sense that they wouldn't appear as new entries about me and my daily life. Hmm. I'll have to figure that out. Hehe. But now the result of which superhero I am is finally in xD haha.

You are Green Lantern

Green Lantern		70%
Robin		70%
Superman		65%
Spider-Man		65%
Batman		55%
The Flash		55%
Wonder Woman		50%
Supergirl		50%
Catwoman		40%
Hulk		40%
Iron Man		40%

Hot-headed. You have strong
will power and a good imagination.

Click here to take the Superhero Personality Test

Haha, I like how Robin is also in at 70 % - he is s o gay xD

The Blogger Spelling Test

2007-09-06T01:02:00.001+02:00

I Scored a 93%!

Yay! I hope it shows ^^

What Are Your Chances of Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse?

2007-09-06T00:57:00.001+02:00

26%
I kinda knew I had that coming. Let's just hope that a zombie apocalypse never happen s:

How Addicted to Coffee Are You?

2007-09-06T00:42:00.001+02:00

I am 54% Addicted to Coffee

I actually thought it was more ! o:

How Geek Are you?

2007-09-06T00:38:00.001+02:00

47% Geek
Not so geeky after all, huh Mikey? d:

Okay, officially mingle2 mania

2007-09-06T00:28:00.001+02:00

$3750.00

haha! yaay. woo, go me!

Rating

2007-09-06T00:17:00.001+02:00

Haha ! How awesome xD

This rating was determined based on the presence of the following words:

fucking (2x)
fuck (1x)

oooh o: hehe.

Addiction

2007-09-05T23:56:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Tired, but content
Listening to: Supergirl by Reamonn

Okay, I know I've written quite a lot today, but it's all because of ScribeFire! Anyway, I just took this test, "How Addicted to Blogging Are You?" and I thought I'd get a really low score, since my record (archives, red.) shows that I'm a lousy blogger, but apparently I have great potential! haha.

58%
How about that, huh?

Screw the monsoon!

2007-09-05T22:38:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Annoyed
Listening to: Don't (Make Waves) by The Gossip

Seriously, FUCK the monsoon. I do not want to write a paper about it. ARG. At least my teacher is so considerate not making us write more than a page and I really shouldn't be bitching at all. I'm just tired and annoyed by the fact that I'm fucking it all up myself. If I showed some more enthusiasm and actually pulled myself together, I wouldn't be in this awful mood, complaining like a little 10 year old. phish. Seriously, get a grip.

I'm just not in the mood for school at all. Or, in a way I am. I'm just making it hard for myself, by postponing that whole Power(ARG)Point presantation. I hate Powerpoint and it's difficult to incorporate my mac with the school's fucking windows. arg! Oh well, the weekend's coming, and then I'll be able to do what I care about - OD work. It's gonna be so enlightening and fun. Only downside is that I'm gonna miss my school's introparty for the new students, which is a bit sad, since I've never missed a schoolparty before. Oh well, it's worth it.

I finally in this moment just realized what to write in the "who do you want to meet" box on OurChart and MySpace! (s o deep, I know. haha) Beth Ditto! Of course! But I would like to meet her in relaxed circumstances and not like a "meet and great" situation. That would just not be fulfilling in a way. It wouldn't seem like a "human to human" thing. Rather awkward, I feel. Oh well, at least I will get something even better instead - I will get to meet Mikey! ^^ I feel so ecstatic about it and I just can't seem to come down again. I will be visiting in the time between 15th and 24th of march, because we both have time off from school in that period.

I have no doubt meeting Mikey will be quite mind-blowing. For one she lives in USA. I have never been there and therefore I'm very excited about going there. All my knowledge about the states really is from TV, school, books and music. Naturally, going there in itself will be quite a jaw-dropping experience, I think, not to mention illuminating. But secondly, and most importantly: Mikey. Leaving out the risk of us not getting along at all irl and the fact that we haven't met yet at all - I have never encountered anyone like her before. I've never come across anyone who .. I'm not even sure how to describe it. We simply connect on a level that I have never been on with anyone else. I don't think I can put it into words any better than that. Hopefully my visit will not change that connection and if so, optimistically, it will only advance.

Fight fire with fire

2007-09-05T17:28:00.001+02:00

Current mood: Trying to pull myself together
Listening to: The Gossip - Lesson Learned

Oh [insert whatever religious figure], I really should get a grip and just finish my homework. I should praise myself lucky to have homework! Compared to those who haven't got the possibility to go to school. But instead I just sit around doing stuff that only postpone the inevitable. *Sigh* Oh well, after this blog I'm gonna finish it. Fortunately The Gossip is a fantastic mood lifter. Gossip gossip ^^ heehee.

Seriously, I've fallen in love with this band. They're simply marvelous. The music, the lyrics, the attitude - spectacular ! I'm so glad I've discovered them. And its actually MTV's fault! o: Yes, I know, how odd? Especially since I doubt they'll play more of their music. Unless of cause Gossip suddenly explode in to massive super stardom. Which I don't think will happen, but who can say? We'll just have to watch how time serves them. I'm definitely all excited ^^ hehe. Also, I've translated the whole article on the english wikipedia for the danish wikipedia. Next up will be the band members articles. Which I would love to be doing right now, but you know .. homework s: haha.

Other than that, I've really neglected this poor little blog. But now that I finally have internet here at home, I should be able to post more often. Hopefully I'll do it, 'cause it's actually kinda nice reading the old posts and also having a place to put your thoughts (x
Ouh! And Ive changed the layout! The white lala got a little old, so I decided to go with colors that matches my current picture - nice, huh? haha. Oh yeah, I'm a real layout wizard - pfft.

<3

Boyish.

2007-02-26T23:50:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Exhausted but alright, I guess.
Listening to: Beyonce - Listen

Sigh. So I'm single again. I broke it off with Inge today after school. I'm not gonna go into detail, since I don't wanna embarrass her. But yeah. So then there was one. Again. I'm actually alright with it. Which would be a bit odd, if I weren't, since it was me who did the "breaking". Though I must admit that can't help but be a bit sad. It's never pleasant breaking someone's heart like that. *sigh* but of course she'll get over it and we'll all live happily ever after. phish. Well well, all in good time. Anyway, I'm finally 18 ! wee. And it feels absolutely wonderful. But actually I'm not that much in the mood for this after all. So I'll see you all another day - bye bye (:

Trivia

2007-02-15T18:07:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Excited !
Listening to: Playboy Mommy by Tori Amos

So I found more fun music trivia - at least fun for me to do (; and luckily enough this is my blog, so I'll post it here : D haha.

Kinda same deal as last, open your library, put it on shuffle and press play. But then type the artist that's playing and write them down until you have ten, where which you answer the questions. So yeah, here it is:

1. Opeth
2. The Cure
3. Fall Out Boy
4. Bryan Adams
5. Creed
6. Stone Temple Pilots
7. Tracy Chapman
8. Beyonce
9. Deftones
10. Papa Roach

What was the first song you ever heard by 6?
Plush, I think.

What is your favourite album of 2?
May be a bit cheesy, but the Greatest Hits album.

What is your favourite lyric that 5 has sung?
"At least look at me when you shoot a bullet through my head." from Bullets.

How many times have you seen 4 live?
Never and don't think I'll ever get the chance.

What is your favourite song by 7?
There's so many. But recently I think it's Give Me One Reason.

What is a good memory you have considering the music of 10?
I don't believe I have any positive memories with this artist. I mostly listen to them when I'm angry. So a good memory would be feeling stronger when I'm angry.

Is there a song of 3 that makes you sad?
Haha, no not at all.

What is your favourite lyric that 2 has sung?
"Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream" she said
"The one that makes me laugh" she said
And threw her arms around my neck
"Show me how you do it
And I promise you I promise that
I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you"

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed her face and kissed her head
And dreamed of all the different ways I had
To make her glow
"Why are you so far away?" she said
"Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you"
- Just Like Heaven

What is your favourite song by 9?
Bored and 7 Words, I'd say.

How did you get in to 3?
I heard them on MTV. Haha, how original, I know.

What was the first song you heard by 1?
Harvest.

What is your favourite song by 4?
Summer of '69 xD

How many times have you seen 9 live?
Once at Roskilde Festival last year. and I hope to again!

What is a good memory you have concerning 2?
Falling in love xD and parties at Cecilie's old house.

Is there a song of 8 that makes you sad?
Hmm. No not really.

What is your favourite album of 5?
Weathered (:

What is your favourite lyric that 3 has sung?
"in the meantime I'll sport my brand new fashion of waking up with pants on at 4:00 in the afternoon." from Grand Theft Autumn
and
"It's just past 8 and I'm feeling young and reckless
The ribbon on my wrist says, "Do not open before Christmas." from Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued.

What is your favourite song of 1?
Benighted.

What is your favourite song of 10?
Last Resort and Not Listening (:

How many times have you seen 8 live?
Never, but I guess it would be pretty cool (8

What is your favourite album of 1?
Either Still Life or Blackwater Park.

What is a great memory you have considering 9?
Hmm. Getting completely wasted and forgetting everything at Cecilie's parties and definitely also the concert.

What was the first song you heard by 8?
Crazy In Love (:

Pretty cool, huh? hehe. At least I thought so (: You should try it! Makes you think o:
Anyway, I went to Germany with my dad today, where I got Tequila and three cases of beer xD also my dad bought me a brown leather wristband and a silver-looking ring. Pretty cool 8D haha.

Well, I'm off - better get ready for Katrine's Halloween/moving in/birthday party xD See you all!

Life Soundtrack

2007-02-14T18:53:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Amused
Listening to: Sweet Emotion by Aerosmith

I just found this awesome thing in the forum of the People with no social lives that listen to more music than is healthy who are slightly scared of spiders and can never seem to find a pen group on last.fm xD Haha. Santanasword brought it up with the following words:

1. Open your library (iTunes, Winamp, Media Player, iPod, etc)
2. Put it on shuffle
3. Press play
4. For every question, type the song that's playing
5. When you go to a new question, press the next button
6. Don't lie and try to pretend you're cool

So that's what I did! And here's the result:

Life soundtrack

Opening Credits: The Denial Twist by The White Stripes

Waking Up: Still Take You Home by Arctic Monkeys

First Day At School: Another Girl's Paradise by Tori Amos

Falling In Love: Cloud Nine by Evanescence

Fight Song: Get Together by Madonna

Breaking Up: Wanksta by 50 Cent

Prom: Real Love by The Smashing Pumpkins

Mental breakdown: For Once In My Life by Melissa Ferrick

Driving: Down With The Sickness by Disturbed

Flashback: 4 My People by Missy Elliott

Getting back together: Enjoy by Björk

Wedding: Private Idaho by The B52s

Birth of Child: More Than A Woman by Bee Gees

Final Battle: Knights Of Cydonia by Muse

Death Scene: Du & Ich by Silbermond

Funeral Song: Hello by Evanescence

End Credits: Eyeless by Slipknot

Oddity

2007-02-14T02:13:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Peculiar
Listening to: Depeche Mode - Stripped

/: So strange. I look forward to it being gone. I can't understand why. Such a weird contradiction. Be gone! *sigh* I had a mismatch of a dream also. Surely it is also at fault with this knot of emotion. Hmm. I have been fine until now, but all of a sudden this dream comes along and throws me off. Hrm. I don't appreciate it one bit. Get out of my mind at once!

Strained

2007-02-07T11:19:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Sleepy, but happy!
Listening to: The crafts men's radio

Sheesh, I'm tired. I begun my therapy yesterday. It was really good, though exhausting, and it left me in a good mood, while also very relaxed. Getting everything out and getting new tools really helped me set my life back on track. I've decided that I'll move in at my sister's. At least just for winter break for now. Then we'll see how things goes. I just know how devastating it would be to stay at home, when their alcohol abuse will just keep on escalating as it is now.
And I just don't want to be a part of that fucking mess anymore.

Aside from that Inge's going to Slovakia to visit her dad. While she's going down there, with the rest of the family, they'll be skiing and for Inge's part - snowboarding. So winter break and my birthday will be spend without her. But it'll be okay, since my birthday party will first be held on the 3rd of march and she'll be home by then to attend.

Right now I'm in school, supposed to be doing ancient studies, but no no. Frank, Malene and I are just messing around on the Internet, playing games and what not. They really are amazing people to have in class.

Woohoo! Soon I'll be 18! *yay* ^_^ loads of alcohol, bought - by me ! =D Finally I have a stable path that I'm very pleased with. 18th birthday, getting my 18.000 danish crones from the saving my mom made 8 years ago, signing up for an apartment, getting my monthly 4200 danish crones from the Governments Education Support and hopefully Khitab will also be able to get me a job as a packer at that medical firm. Just absolutely splendid, I predict my further to be. *well, hello there Yoda!* haha. Good times ahead ^_^

And for now I shall leave you with my last.fm chart. See you in a further near!

What else is there?

2007-02-03T15:40:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Content
Listening to: Sting ft. Cheb Mami - Desert Rose

Life is messy. Just for the record, if you had no idea. Phish. I've been so incredibly depressed lately. Not been able to give 100 % in school, crying a lot and just having a lot of unpleasant feelings and thoughts. I really don't like that. I just wanna be my old self again. Get away from all the problems and negative energy, which they seem to produce and consume - they, being my mom and step dad. Anyway, my birthday's right around the corner and then I'll be 18. So after that, as soon as I can get an apartment, I'll be out of here! I almost can't wait.

Well, at least my social life's good. I have a lot of wonderful people around me, that are there to support me when I need it. And for some odd reason I get really good grades. Hmm. I'm good under pressure?

But now I must leave, 'cause Maria (from my class) has invited me, Frank and Malene to a little birthday party. I'm looking forward to it :D Beer'n'bowling. Drunk'n'fun! haha.

Current mood: Tired, but ready to party!
Listening to: AFI - Affliction

A new destination

2007-01-02T15:56:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Happy!
Listening to: Dizzy Mizz Lizzy - Rotator

Okay, so I'm blogging from Inge's (my girlfriend, as I told you about in the last post) laptop, so I'm not quite sure if I'm using the font that I usually do, because things look different here.
But what do you think of the new layout? I felt like something clean and simple and this one really qualifies, don't you think?

My uncle died yesterday. He was a bastard, so I'm more relieved than sad. Actually, I'm not sad at all. It really feels like a burden's gone off my shoulders. Especially now that I'm together with Inge. I feel so safe and secure together with her. Just so loved beyond everything. I also slept at her house this night. In her little little bed. Hehe. So my back hurts a little today. But as long as I'm with her it doesn't really bother me. Sounds like a real teenager in love, huh? Right now she's running around in her room, fanatically cleaning her room. Haha. And she really should be getting her ass down in the kitchen, cooking for tonight. She's my ho xD I hope she never reads this, because then I will be dead o:

But I have to go again now. See you all very soon (:

Your own disaster

2006-12-28T12:29:00.000+01:00

Current mood: A bit tired but content
Listening to: Taking Back Sunday - Falling For You

Hello hello, I'm back (: Again a lot of things has happened. But the most important news are that I'm moving out and away from my mom and stepdad + that I have a new girlfriend. Her name is Inge and she's absolutely amazing. But I guess I'm supposed to say that, huh? Haha. But seriously - she is ! I'd put in a picture of her if I wasn't afraid that she'd murder me because of it. Hehe. A bit shy, eh? What I will do though is tell you that she's a completely different type than I usually go for. She's a tomboy! Haha. Who would've thought that this tomboy would find herself one of her own? Definitely not me! But now I wouldn't want it any other way. She's just so fantastic. Everything's so uncomplicated with her. I know where she stands, what she feels and thinks. That girl has all the qualities I've been searching for ! xD heehee.
Anyway, as I was saying - I'm moving out, and I couldn't be happier about it! My mom's threats of hitting me has really made me realize what I need and want for my life, and sorry mom, but you're just not a part of it! It just feels so liberating to finally realize what a weak, insecure and pathetic mess she is. Finally I will be able to move on. Adios!

As I wrote in my last post I'll be changing the design of this blog, so that'll be something to look forward to (:

Other than that I really miss Mikey. I hate that we're drifted apart ): I must and will work for us to get back on track. And to hell with the timezones! I look so much forward to visit her and I think about it a lot. She's such a wonderful girl.
Also I miss having more contact with Leah and Renee. I would really love to see them again next year on Roskilde! They were so much fun to party with : D

Well, I have to go again now. I'm going to Haderslev today to party and will be sleeping at Mette's. Mia's gonna pick me up in a few hours and then we're gonna drive down there - looking forward to see Mia behind the wheel xD

Panic!

2006-11-29T18:12:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Wired and a bit worn out
Listening to: Panic! At The Disco - I Constantly Thank God For Esteban

*yawn* Well hello there! Very long time and absolutely no see! I can't even begin to tell what's happened since last time. But I'll give a short resume:
- My mom took my stepdad back again, when he promised he would stop drinking.
- My stepdad's drinking again and my mom's fine with that.
- Ann and I aren't together anymore. She cheated on me among other things.

That's about the major things. But I'm good. Now that is, anyway. I've had a hard time over the past few months, but I'm finally back on my feet again. Right now I'm working on my 2nd years assignment. It's going to be turned in the 1st of december and must be about 6 pages long. I'm terribly behind schedule, but I know I'll make it.
Anyway, I'm thinking about changing the whole appearance of my blog. But it's gotta wait a bit for now. Right now I must be moving on. For now I'll leave you with my last.fm chart:

Heehee.

Out of Range

2006-04-23T16:44:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Happy
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Out Of Habit

Just the thought,
of our bed
makes me crumble like the plaster
and I try to
draw the line
but it ends up running down the middle of me

most of the time

So yeah, I'm happy (: I can see the path that I have to follow, and I'm fine with that. As long as I can see my way out of things, then I'm pleased. But when the lights get turned of and I don't know how to got things done, I get sad. I've noticed that. But right now I'm just thinking of school and homework - the like.
Anyway, yesterday was supposed to be a bit boring day, were I'd do pretty much nothing. But then Camilla from my class textet me, and asked if she could spend the night here, and I said sure, 'cause .. yeah, well, of course! (x hehe. So she came by and we sat down and talked over a couple of beers. Then after one and a half hour we went out to buy her some cigarettes at the gas station, since it was the only place that was still open. Which reminds me of that the beer we drank made me recall shining times at the castle. It was like the taste took be all back. Well, nonetheless, Camilla bought some cigarettes and I bought a carton of white whine. When we got back we just continued to drink beer, so I'll have the wine for another time.
So instead of a boring evening, I got to talk a lot with Camilla while we heard lots of music. I introduced her to Bullet For My Valentine, My Chemical Romance and Fall Out Boy, which was running on my playlist when she arrived. She laughed a bit at first, but agreed that it didn't suck too terribly. Hehe.

I opened the fire door
to four lips
none of which were mine
kissing
tightened the belt around my hips
where your hands were missing
and stepped out into the cold
collar high
under the slate gray sky
the air was smoking and the streets were dry
... why do I feel like something's been rearranged?
you know, out of context I must seem so strange

It really surprised me how much I missed Mette last night. Of course I was a bit drunk, but still. I missed her. And I wantd her to come to Kolding. *yawn* But fortunately I had the opportunity to text her and we wrote a little, which was very nice. There's gotta be a party soon again where we can get together. She's great.

I'm singing now because my tearducts are too tired

and my mind is disconnected but my heart is wired

Other than that, I've thought about starting a new webpage, where I'd then blog instead, 'cause I think it would be a cool challenge for me to try, and I've to admit that I'm kinda hooked on the idea right now, but the thing that's stopping me is the thought, that I'll probably be too busy soon to maintain it properly. And that's kinda no good in a way. Like, I do it all the time when signing up to new communities on the Internet, but I think that with a site, I'd have to be comitted, since I would want it to be serious. Hmm. Dilemma. Haha. But I'll probably do it anyway.

you know, when you and I are lying in bed
you don't seem so tall
oh, how I miss
substituting the conclusion of a confrontation with a kiss

Oh, and I'm looking so much forward to the weather getting warmer and the sun shining more ^^ It's already pretty good, but the thought of it being kinda constant is so intriguing!! Heehee.
And furthermore I'm beginning to dress better. In the sense of, that I'm less careless about my appearance. And I guess that's pretty good, as long as I don't go overboard. But people have noticed!! ^^ Hee. I've gotten compliments at school, which makes me very happy. *teehee* God, I must sound like a silly little school girl now, so I'll end it now dx

Maybe I'll post again later - and maybe I won't (;

Current mood: *happy happy*
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Shameless

Good riddance

2006-04-21T23:44:00.000+02:00

Current mood: Happy
Listening to: Green Day - Good Riddance (Time Of Your Life)

Well, oh-well. Long time, no see.
Let's see .. I'm happy to be alive. I'm pleased with my life. I don't agree with the world's condition most of the time, but I don't really think I wanna go in to that right now. Anyway, my german teacher is back! So I don't have to be taught by that fuckedup temp, Gert, anymore. Arg. I hate him. I have never ever had my self-esteem lowered that much. But this is also negative, and I really don't feel negative right now, so I think I'll let it drop for now. But my point in the beginning, was that Lise is back, and I could've easily cried, if I wasn't to shy to do that in front of my classmates in a situation like that. But oh, how happy it made me to see her again! I hope she never leaves again. And I hope I never have to see Gert again. Stupid green idiot.

So, what's up you might think? I wouldn't know where to begin, but good things are up (:
I've met this american girl, named Mikey. She's just great. Wonderful, I might add. But the thing about her being american, is that she's 7 hours behind me. Haha. So that's just great. Oh, have I ever stayed up late to talk to her! But it's a while since last though. During Easter Break I didn't talk to her at all, except one time on cam, for about 20 min., which is very little, keeping in mind that we're able to talk for hours and hours, easily. Hehe. But I did have a splindid break though. Ann was here and it was absolutely amazing! We even coloured my hair ~~and if blogger wasn't being such a jerk, you'd be able to see the new pic I've uploaded. Phish. But if it doesn't update, I'll just put a pic in this post ^^ Heehee.~~

Anyway, good news! Ann and I have almost been together for two years! *yay* That's a long time, huh? I'm so happy (: *kissies*

But oh well, for now I'm just sitting here, waiting for Mikey. She'll be on in about an hours or so, I guess. *yawn* at least I hope so! Hehe.
Oh, and I'm going to visit Ann on friday!! And I won't be returning home before wednesday! xD wee. Skipping school for us. Hehe. I'm soo bad dx
Arg, and also! My piercing is stupid. The jewellery is too big for the hole, so I guess I better buy a smaller one or get a new hole. phish.

Well, I think this'll be it for now. Oh no! Wait! I'm going to the Depeche Mode concert in Horsens, btw!! Wee. I'm looking so much forward to it! And also! Roskilde Festival!! I'm so excited about seeing Arctic Monkeys, Bullet For My Valentine, Deftones, Guns N' Roses, HIM, HateSphere, Opeth, Tool, Rufus Wainwright and Kanye West! Also I will most likely be checking out Kaizers Orchestra, Death Cab For Cutie, Bob Dylan, Franz Ferdinand, Kaizer Chiefs, L.O.C., Magtens Korridorer, Placebo, Seeed, Spleen United, The Streets, The Strokes, Trivium, Volbeat, Roger Waters (performing The Dark Side Of The Moon) and Wir Sind Helden. And at last I'll take a listen to My Midnight Creeps, Sigur Rós, Glodfrapp and Purified In blood if I get the chance (: hee. So, yeah. That's about it!

See you soon (hopefully)

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.

Current mood: Sleepy
Listening to: My computer ventilating.

ANGER

2006-03-15T21:49:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Furious.
Listening to: Otep - My Confession.

I cannot take this perception of happiness anymore. I'm sick and disgusted of his pandemonium. We should not have to suffer under his volatile behaviour. I'm fed up with all his cannibalizing of our happiness. I don't know what the fuck he think he's doing. Deceiving himself, by believing he's making me sad - you're only empowering my loathing, you fucking sadistic abusive parasite. Nothing but an illiterate equation of dismay. Hypocritic king of lies and broken promises.

Do I need a gas mask?
Should I get inoculated?
Will this war last?
Will we be incincerated?
False god(s)
Death squad(s)
Blind

This storm of thorns is growing
There's no end in sight

He has showed one to many times, that there only is one way out of this. When will the anesthetics wear thin, and the associations stop blurring? Wake up and face the fucking truth! This is the last resort!

and I'm insecure .. I need aggression.

Current mood: Enraged.
Listening to: Otep - Warhead.

Fanlistings

2006-02-17T00:15:00.000+01:00

The Aftermath

2006-02-16T20:50:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Exhausted, but content.
Listening to: Kittie - Looks So Pretty.

Today my computer got picked up. That's nice, although I was so stupid that I forgot my The Sims Nightlife cd in it. Doh! But I just wrote an e-mail to the guy at Leasy who helped me with the case, and asked him to contact the firm that's fixing it, so I'm certain to get it back. So right now I'm borrowing Jørn's laptop. The keyboard's a bit different from mine, but I'm doing quite well. As long as I remember to have it ready for him to use tomorrow, so he can take it with him to work.
*Purr*

Oh, and today's my birthday! S o many people remembered it ^^ I really wasn't expecting that, 'cause I'm not the type to talk about it, so I figured that not many would notice. But they did! Heehee. I got so many messages with people congratulating me, even from Mette C., who's in Sweden! So nice of her ^^ Teehee.
Well, so here's how it went:
My mom came in at six in the morning, waked me up, and said I should come out and have breakfast with her and Jørn. It was really nice. Hot chocolate with whipcream and chocolate buns! And it was all dark outside, so we only had candlelights lit. It was so nice. Thereafter I went back to bed, and they went to work. Then I woke up at ten, because I had set the alarm in my mobile. I then put on some clothes, packed my laptop together, so that it would be ready, and then I went to bed again. I knew that they would come to pick up the laptop between ten and one, so I had my door to the hallway opened, so I would be able to hear them ringing the doorbell. I then woke up again at eleven, due to the doorbell. I got up, opened the door, handed over the laptop, signed the paper, thanked the guy and said goodbye. Then I hurried into bath, after which I found my white shirt, a white tee that said I don't do boyfriends, and a pare of blue jeans. I then dryed my hair, decided I wasn't pleased with the outfit, ditched the tee and found a gren sweater instead which I wore on top of the shirt. Looked pretty fancy, with the shirt collar stickin' up t my neck. Then my sister, Helle, and my two nieces, Marissa and Cille, came over and started singing birthday songs. I then showed them my new room, and they gave me presents. I first got a cool birthday card from Cille, where a cat was singing the James Brown song, I Feel Good. After that they gave me a gift token to Build A Bear! That made be quite hapy, since I've thought about getting one. So then we drove out to the mall, and went into Madame Mokka. Marissa had nachos, Cille had chocolate pie with icecream, Helle had a sandwich and I had a muffin. They then bought milkshakes and I bought a hot chocolate-thingy with strawberry marshmallows. It all tasted splendid! After being there for a few hours, we went into Build A Bear, and I made my very own kitten, Sam. He has orange stripes, and his product name is Floppy Kitty. Here's a pic of his kind:

He's just so wonderful ^^ I bought him some wizard clothing and also a wand. Then I also bought a shirt with a black west with white stripes on + a black tie. And then atlast I bought him a pair of red boxers with maroon hearts on, and also a little black hat.
I'm sure I'm gonna spend a lot of money in there in the furture.

There's so much more to tell, but I just don't have the energy right now. Perhaps later (;

Current mood: Content.
Listening to: Staind - Falling.

Kittie!

2006-02-16T02:50:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Glad, but suspicious.
Listening to: Kittie - Charlotte.

Montgomery! Haha. No, just kiddin'. Although her name is spelled with y. Anyway, I just heard Kittie for the first time today, and wau, are they amazing! At first I just hurried to their website, entered disco, and started hearing their music. I then minimized the window, and did other stop meanwhile. When the song then finished, I opened the window again, and went on to the next song. I then realized that it was a video! So I started watching, and then I almost dropped my jaw. It was girls! I hadn't even realized it, because of the growling! Of course I know about Otep, and I listen to them frequently, but this is just completely different, since it's an all girl band! I just can't stop listening to them now. They've captivated me.

Go to their website and take a listen!

Anyway, thought I'd list a few of my favourite quotes, or .. a lot!
Well, here they are:

"They say that lesbians hate men. Why should a lesbian hate a man? They don't have to fuck them!"
- Roseanne.

"I can't help lookinh gay. I put on a dress and people say, 'Who's the dyke in the dress?' "
- Karen Ripley.

"If a male homosexual are called 'gay', then female homosexuals should be called 'ecstatic'."
- Roberts' Rules on Lesbian Living by Shelly Roberts.

"Men often say, 'Women! Who could ever understand them?' Dont ask a lesbian for the answer. All you'll get is a sympathetic nod."
- Joanne Brigden.

"My mom blames California for me being a lesbian. 'Everything was fine until you moved out there.' 'That's right, mom, we have mandatory lesbanism in West Hollywood. The Gay Patrol busted me, and I was given seven business days to add a significant amount of flannel to my wardrobe.' "
- Coley Sohn.

"If homosexuality is a disease, then lets all call in queer to work. 'Hello. Can't work today, still queer.' "
- Robin Tyler.

"Introductions are tricky in a lesbian relationship. It's a word game. To my friends she's my lover, to strangers and family members in de nial she's my roommate, to Jehovah's Witnesses at the door she's my lesbian sex slave, and to my mother she's Jewish and that's all that matters."
- Denise McCanles.

"A woman goes to the gynecologist, and upon examination the doctor says, 'Why, it's immaculate in here! What do you do to keep yourself so hygenic?' The woman responds, 'I have a woman in twice a week' "

"My partner and I joined a support group for monogamous lesbian - it was great until she meet someone there."
- Margo Gomez.

"When my mother found out I was gay she sent me to Juvenile Hall. That's smart. Sending me to live with five hundred girls who can't get out!"
- Kat Howard.

"I don't think of them as lesbian supervisors, I think of them as county supervisors who happen to be lesbians. A lesbian supervisor would have a very different job: 'Hey you, cut those nails before you hurt somebody!' "
- Marga Gomez (on lesbians in local goverment).

"that word lesbian sounds like a disease. And straight men know because they're sure that they're the cure."
- Denise McCanles.

"Some women can't say the word lesbian .. even when their mouth is full of one!"
- Kate Clinton.

"Women who love women are lesbians. Men, because they can only think of women in sexual terms, define lesbian as sex between women."
- Rita Mae Brown.

"Every gay and lesbian person who has been lucky enough to survive the turmoil of growing up is a survivor. Survivors always have an obligation to those who will face the same challenges."
- Bob Paris.

"One destressing thing is the way men react to women who assert their equality: their ultimate weapon is to call them unfeminine. They think she is anti-male; they even whisper that she's probably a lesbian."

"Are you a lesbian?" - a heckler. "Are you my alternative?"
- Florynce Kennedy.

"My mother took me to a psychiatrist when I was fifteen because she thought I was a latent homosexual. There was nothing latent about it."
- Amanda Bearse.

"He looked me right in the face and said, 'You flippin bulldyke!' And I thought to myself, ''Oooh, what a smart man! Why, I'll bet he took one look at me and knew I was white, too' "
- Lea DeLaria.

"We do not recruit. We can only impress."
- Marga Gomez.

"One wedding cake designer I called said, 'We specialize in elaborate beautiful white flowers all over the cake' So i said, 'I should tell, this is for two men.' There was a slight pause and she said, 'I can put little baseball players all over it?' "
- Mark Harris.

"Did you read Holly Near's Book? Let me save you the trouble. This is the most exviting sentence in the book: 'I feel like a lesbian when I'm making love to a woman.' Good, Holly! Well, the major difference between me and Holly Near is that I feel like a lesbian when I am BREATHING!"
- Lea DeLaria.

"I love Christians who tell me somethung sweet and Christian, like, 'You're going to hell' It's not hard for me to picture gay hell: The scorching wind from the fiery pit messed up my hair, there's no mousse? No blow-dryer? This is hell" There's nothing on TV but Hee Haw. My furniture is from Levitz! O'm living in a trailer park" Aaaargh!"
- Danny McWilliams.

"I came out to my family on Thanksgiving. I said, mom, please pass the gravy to a homosexual. She passed it to my father. A terrible scene ensued."
- Bob Smith.

"'How did you first know you were gay? What did you feel?' Apparently another girl."
- Suzanne Westenhoefer.

"My mother said to me, 'Why do you have to call yourself a dyke? Why can't you be a nice lesbian?' 'Because I'm not a nice lesbian, I'm a big dyke!' "
- Lea DeLaria.

"I came out to my sister, and she said, 'Oh my godm you're gay" Are you seeing a psuchologist?' I answered, 'No, I'm seeing a schoolteacher.' "
- Bob Smith.

"I didn't choose to be gay; I was chosen! Are you serious? I get to be queer? Oh, thank you. I didn't even fill out the application, I am s o thrilled. No, I did. I bought the ticket, I scratched it off .. Look, I'm a lesbian! I won!"
- Suzanne Westenhoefer.

"What do you mean, you don't believe in homosexuality? It's not like the Easter Bunny, your belief isn't necessary."
- Lea DeLaria.

"I was raised Roman Catholic, and according to the Catholic Church it's okay to be a homosexual, as long as you don't practice homosexuality. Which is interesting, because I think it's okay to be Catholic, so long as you don't practice Catholism."
- Bob Smith.

"Oh please, you are not bisexual. I went to a bar mitzah once, that doesn't make me Jewish."
- Lucia in The Opposite of Sex, played by Lisa Kudrow.

Jack: "For your information, most peple who meet me do not know that I am gay."
Will: "Jack, blind and deaf people know you're gay. Dead people know you're gay."
Jack: "Grace, when you first met me, did you know I was gay?"
Grace: "My dog knew."

Jovi: "You're fired, sacked, canned, you're getting the boot, your show is cancelled."
Cyanne: "You can't fire me, you're not my boss, dyke!"
Jovi: "My friend is, and you can't use people like you use drugs. Now go get helo and shake all those demons out of your head. When you're better, then I'm willing to meet you half way, but until then get out. And dykes are for the Dutch, I'm a lessssssbian, get it straight. (to Marissa) Can I have a double Espresso?"
- From Metropia, played by Zainab Musa and Kristin Fairlie.

Caine: "Girls seem to hang all over you .. why don't you have a girlfriend yet?"
Holden: "Because I have a boyfriend, Caine .."
Caine: "But you can't let your friends hold you back from happiness .."
Holden: "Goddamnit, I'm gay, you baka!!"
Caine and Holden in Arcana.

Much more to come, but now I really h a v e to go to sleep!

Oh, and by the way .. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME!!!

Current mood: Wornout.
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Out Of Habit (Live).

Pride

2006-02-14T16:42:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Anxious
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Fire Door/Amazing Grace

I've noticed that I get the best blog, when I listen to Ani. Hehe. Strange. But I guess it's because she just makes me in such a good mood. I can't do anything but smile, when I listen to the songs of hers. I guess there's just something about songs that you can identify with.

Reading through my last post, I realize I don't like it. Sure, I know it's me, and I remember the feeling that's saturated through the whole text, but I don't like it. I don't like when I'm in that kind of mood. It's destructive for my happy nature. Or .. Is it? Maybe it's those moments that makes it possible for me to stay so content for most of the time. Maybe I just need those moments of despair, where I just wanna go to sleep, and never wake up again. Oh, how dark and gothic. Baah. I'm 32 flavours and then some! ^^

It's Valentine's Day today. phish! So I stayed up 'til six in the morning, talked on the phone with Ann before she had to go to school, and then I went to sleep. Unfortunately I didn't get to sleep that good, as I had expected. The phone wouldn't stop ringing! A lot of people with unimportant messages, that had absolutely no significance to me. I just wanted to sleep, and there they were. But then my stepdad, Jörn, came home, and that was a great thing, because then he could watch the phone. Wonderful! So all in all I slept for 10 hours. I woke up at four, and wasn't as rested as I had planned. But what dreams! I don't remember most of them right now, but I remember the last one that I had. I was on a big stage and I was playing guitar, together with a few other people. I think we all we're best friends. It kind of seemed that way. There was a drummer, which I didn't connect that much with, and then there was bassplayer and a guitarist. The drummer was a little in the back (as drummers normally are), and I think it was a he. Then, if you look at the stage from the audience, I was to the right, and the leadsinger in the middle, and the bassplayer was to the left. I think that they were girls, but one of them may have been a he. I'm not wuite sure. Anyway, there was this huge crowd, that were going absolutely wild, and we were just playing for our lives. It was cool. Such a thrill! We were playing rock'n'roll, and it seemed like something that everybody could listen to. Something that wouldn't make some people go, Oh, what noise! Like so many parents do, if their kid listens to nu-metal. This was good craunchy rock'n'roll with an heartfelt edge.
I don't remember being stunned, as I am now, about all those fans. There were s o many! But on stage I just enjoyed it, like I've never enjoyed anything else, and I gave it all I had. When we were finished with the final song, the stagelight disappeared. The guitars were shrilling, and we were all sweating like in hell. It was so incredible. I felt so alive. So exhausted and so satisfied. Incredible doesn't even cover it. It was absolutely marvelous, and no matter what words I use, it wouldn't absorb it all sufficient.
Anyway (this is gonna be a long entry, just warning, if you werent getting it), after the lights went out, the crowd became a ecstatic pandemonium. Then the bassplayer, guitarist and I went to the edge of the stage, to give our hands to the people stading there. There were some girls, who were just screaming so loud, when we reached our hands our to theirs. Crazy, I tell you. Nevertheless, I suddenly walked away, lurching, while I smiled, because I remembered that I had been drinking with my friend Cecilie from Kolding. Weird. Then I went out backstage, and my mom and sister greeted me, and told me that I had played phenomenal. But as they said it, it seemed like they were covering up for something. Something that was going on between them. And then it striked me: they had been arguing, and were trying not to worry me about it. But how could I avoid not to notice. It was right there in front of me, and I was sure that if we didn't get out, it would smother us like thick steam. They then started arguing about a bed that was backstage, and my mom began to take it out on me, passive aggressive, and that was the reason they started arguing, 'cause then my sister came to my rescue. Nonetheless, they cooled down a bit, and we went somewhere I don't remember.
I remember that they made me feel sad, and when I awoke the sorrow had slipped through the fog, and into my mind. It effected my mood immediately, but luckily I don't really feel it anymore. So I don't really wanna talk about it, other than that I probaly had the dream because of my birthday the day after tomorrow. I realize that with the tension between my mom and sister, and the newly-formed tension between my two bothers, it's not possible to celebrate my birthday together with the people I love the most. I recognize that they're the reason that I haven't thought about my birthday or looked forward to it. 'Cause I knew it would cause me pain in some way. But here we are, and there's nothing to do. Luckily enough, they're all very understanding, and my sister Helle has invited me to be together with her and my nieces, while my parents are at work. Then I can come home at evening, and spend it with them, when they're finished from work. My brother Mulle also realized what they're doing to me, so he promised me that we could make a little party for me on sunday. Just him, my niece and nephew, mom and stepdad, dad and Ann!! I'm s o happy that she's coming!! If she weren't coming, it wouldn't be complete. I know it won't be anyway, but she'll make me feel complete.

Oh! And Judy just wrote me an sms ^^ or not just, hours ago, but it made me really glad. She wrote that she had been reading my blog, and that she was so proud of me for writing down my feelings, and that although it was in english, she loved the way I did it. It made me really happy. And also Jørn just came in, and said I had received a letter!! Then I looked up, and he was holding a red envelope in his hand! ^^ I was so excited! A Valentine's Day card! Haha. How splendid! And it was from Judy (x With a purdy little fat cat on the front, saying: "When I think of you..." and then you open it, and it says: "... I get really happy!" and then there's the cat, with red cheeks, jumping up in cascade of red glittering hearts! She has then written: "Yours truly, your best friend Judy." And at last it says: "Happy Valentine" with big capital letters!! ^^ She's so wonderful! So incredible thoughtful. I love that little villig og ikke billig girl <3 style="font-weight: bold;">Current mood: Happy!!
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Napoleon

Flavouring

2006-02-07T20:39:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Non-mathematical
Listening to: Top Model 5

Arg, crappy math assignment! I can't describe the immense hate that I feel for that damn subject. I'm looking s o much forward for it to end. I'm gonna be so amazingly happy when I'm done with this. I feel so insufficient, but I just don't get it. And there are just things that I will never get about that subject. I've learned to accept that as a fact, but still .. It gets to me when they push us. I just can't handle it. Sometimes I just hate this damn dyscalculia. But what the heck .. As long as I pass. I don't need a high grade - not like I'm gonna be a scientist with specialization in logical equations.

At least I have my songs. My dear lyrics. And I get to show my worth in english, german, social studies, history and drama - so up yours mathematics! and physics? Yours too!

But oh well. I skipped math yesterday, and slept a little longer + I skipped it again today, I went home earlier. I've sent my assignment though. So no harm done, I guess. Except I'm not learning about statistics? Yawn. But it'll be alright. I just need a little breathing space.

Anyway! Now for happy news xD Ann is coming! Not this weekend, but the one after that ;D wee. I'm looking s o much forward to that!! She makes everything a lot easier to endure. All the bad things. She's so wonderful, because she's so sweet and understanding. She offers comfort, when no one else does. And she's the only one that I have ever been able to be completely honest with. She really does make me a better person, and it was her who helped me realize that I was good enough. I just hope that our paths will never part ^^

Current mood: Eager for this week to end ^^
Listening to: Top Model 5 in London o: haha.

Fire Door

2006-02-05T15:36:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Content
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Falling Like This

It's incredible how my mood gets influenced by the music I listen to.
When I woke up this morning I felt good, because slept so long, but then slowly I got in this bad mood, when I thought of homework for tomorrow.
All it took to erase all of my worries, was listening to Artic Monkeys - I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor. It was like all the heavy thoughts just disappeared, and I got in a nice relaxed mood.
Come to think about it, my mood gets very easily influenced by music, atmosphere and lighting. I think that if it had been sunny and hot outside, instead of gray and snowy, I wouldn't have taken the thought of school and homework tomorrow so heavily.
In a way it's kind of frustrating that my mood gets so easily effected, but then again it's nice to know that music is enough to make me happy again. Also I'm beginning to realize that writing actually makes me in a better mood. It's like I can better focus and concentrate, when I get everything out. New thoughts also occur to me when I'm writing, thoughts that I don't think would've come to my mind, if I hadn't been writing. I also find myself remembering better how to spell words correctly, now that I use them more frequently.

By the way: yesterday went splendid! We all had so much fun, and I do believe that the clerks at McDonalds thought we were drun! Haha! We laughed so much, and talked really loud, in our attempts to make ourselves be heard. One of them even came to us, and asked us to tone it a bit down. We really tried, but getting the eyes of killing from the female clerk that had asked us to keep it down, we decided to leave.
On the way to the bowling track, called Bowl'n'Fun, we sounded like a bunch of crazy drunks. Haha! We were so high of being together, that people driving by were honking after us. But afterall we were also thirteen youngsters laughing and shouting. Anyway, heading for bowling, we stopped at the filling station Shell, to get ourselves fuelled with some beverages. Peter and I shared six bottles of beer, Tuborg, and I suddenly remember why I prefered wine. Sadly enough there was only carton- and bottlewine, and that was a bit to much for me to drink all alone on the walk to Bowl'n'fun. It tasted so awful, and I was a bit perplexed about the memory of me last summer, were I was being able at emptying a beer in no time. Nevertheless, I had to beers, and Peter the same, after which he hid the last two behind the building.
Inside we all sat down and talked a bit more, since there was an half hour before we had the two tracks, that Poul had reserved for us. We then paired up, since we could only be five on each track, and Peter and I were going to play together. After this, some chose to play in the indoor playground, filled with hundreds and hundreds of little coloured balls. Poul then managed to spill some dude's drink all over Anja's legs. We then all hurried to the tracks, before the dude would notice about the beer. After that it all just went fast. Music was pumping, Cecilie arrived and paired up with Mette K, balls were rolling, and we were having so much fun! xD
When time was up, I got a ride home with Maria together with Cecilie and Poul, who was gonna party on downtown. I was home at about 01.30, after which I talked to Ann until I went to bed at about 02.30.

Well, that sure was a lot of writing. Think I'm gonna get something to eat now. My parents are also home from Matthias baptism now, so maybe they are gonna eat too.

Current mood: Happy and hungry
Listening to: TV

Glass House

2006-02-04T18:46:00.000+01:00

Current mood: Sad and a bit annoyed
Listening to: Ani DiFranco - Napoleon

Disturbing, what drawings can do to people.

How is it that we just refuse to look at things from different angle?
It sickens me how righteous some people are, and how they just won't listen to other thougts. It kind of saddens me, when people just choose to be ignorant, just because they don't care about other populations. But most of all it just plain aggravates me. I just simply cannot understand why some just want to close their eyes to the rest of the world, just because their own opinion suits them better. Because, why should we listen to "them", and perhaps learn something? Or just anyfuckingthing!

Well, enough about that for now. It doesn't quite set my mood for tonights events. I'm going bowling with a few of my classmates. Think we're gonna be twelve or thirteen friends, just having fun and chilling out from all the arguments that have been lately, and still are.

I suddenly remember a thing that occured to me yesterday:
I'm actually pretty shy.
Strange thing is that I never really saw myself that way. I've always known that I wasn't one of the most outgoing people, but neither introverted. But I've noticed that I have a difficult time writing to people I see on forums and so. Sometimes I do get around to it, but then I write like 5 different drafts for a letter, whereupon I usually don't write anyway.
But yesterday I did something about it! I sat down, found a couple of different girls on boyfriend.dk, and I actually wrote them! Although it took me some time to pull myself together, and in fact write anything that I could be pleased with, I did it! And you know what? They d i d answer me, and they were all nice and great replies ^_^ This really boosted my self-esteem, and made be more confident.
Funny thing although, when I think about it, is my anxiousness in writing to people that I'm probably never gonna see in real life!
»stupid lesbian . .«

Current mood: Pretty good, and excited
Listening to: Seether - Gasoline